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My life feels like a Romance novel

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
When I say Romance novel, I mean the kind where a woman is caught between two men. I see both as really sweet and romantic, but I suspect that my friends see one as not as good for me.

I have been with one (J) for just over five months and I let him have the most precious thing to me. He has been the one that I have dated, and loved.
But wasn't the first to catch my eye, which brings me on to the other guy (C).

When I met J, I tried to ignore C. I'd sit upstairs on the bus to college, but then I made friends with this guy called Aaron, who happened to be friends with both J and C and as he is extremely opinionated made me sit with them rather than with the 'chavs and retards' upstairs. It was fine to begin with because I thought my feelings for C were over and I enjoyed conversation with Aaron.

However, as I spoke with C more and more, I started liking him all over again. We'd occasionally hold hands. But I was becoming more depressed. One Wednesday, there wasn't college so C and I agreed to help Aaron have a look at a building that is now partly his radio studio. As we looked around the building, we ended up holding hands. I didn't want to end up cheating on J so the very next day I ended it with him, telling him I needed time to think about my feelings. That Friday, in a rage with me, J told me he knew about C and myself, holding hands.

I went into a depression for a week and ended up self harming. Seeing that I was truly sorry for what I had done, he forgave me and I pushed my feelings for C to the back of my mind. The scars healed and have only left faint reminders of the rage that scared me.

However, C and I often joke about sex while annoying each other. The first time I let my feelings get the better of me I told him what my feelings for him were. Lately we've been getting close to him again, he's squeezed my ass and a week ago I let him kiss me. And I enjoyed it.

I love both of them and the only way I can describe it is that I am Amy Pond, where J is my Rory and C is the Doctor - the major distraction.
But the only problem is that a couple days ago, I slipped back into a depression, not as bad as it has been in the past (something I don't really want to go into currently) and I just think I need advice, or someone to tell me that I am in fact a horrible person for doing this to both guys.

I am just waiting for the end of this romance tale to end really, where it all gets resolved and my life reaches a new equilibrium.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can understand why depression is a part of your life. It sounds as if you're uncertain about who you are, what you contribute to the world, and what you want from others. It sounds like you're seeing involvement with two men when your post reads like there's simply interaction with two men, and that it's not very developed yet.

    You're not a horrible person, but if you'd like to get control of your life, you'll need to learn how to treat yourself well and figure out what you want from life before trying to make or keep promises to others. Self-harming is NEVER an example of taking care of yourself, and depression often is a strong hint that you're not taking good care, either.

    Have you got access to a good therapist who can help you figure out where you'd like to see yourself in say, five or ten years, and help you on the path to getting there?
  • *Holly**Holly* Moderator Posts: 140 Settling in
    Hi Lyddie

    It's utterly normal to have feelings for two people at the same time - although a lot of people probably don't admit to it. Different relationships bring different things and not one person can ever tick every box. Therefore it's natural to sometimes seek out/fancy people who tick the boxes your current partner doesn't.

    However, it's not very fair to the two people you can't decide between. And, more importantly, your indecision doesn't seem to be doing YOU any good. It sounds like you've got a lot of other stuff going on in your life. Romantic relationships are supposed to be a nice addition to your life, something that makes you feel happy and supported, and you don't appear to be feeling that at the moment. You say you want this romance tale to end - so maybe you've identified that it's not making you happy. It's worth remembering that you're in control of your life, your decisions and choices. You don't need to wait for some outside sign to decide what to do about these guys.

    We can't tell you who to choose unfortunately. But what I can say is that it would be great if you concentrated a bit more on YOU making YOURSELF happy alongside this issue. Have you seen TheSite's self harm section? It has lots of advice and information about things you're going through. And as Jellygator asked, are you currently getting any help about your depression? Do you have any family or friends you can talk to about how you're feeling?

    Let us know how you're getting on. And remember the boards are here whenever you need them. :)

    Holly
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So I've talked with my boyfriend last night and explained the actual after he was told about a text that appeared dodgy to Aaron who had gone through C's phone without consent and saw part of a text that was private and very personal about me.
    J forgave me again, saying that I could never be as bad as his ex because at least I was telling him the truth and he talked with C this morning - telling him that although he didn't mind too much about what we did he just didn't appreciate being lied to.

    And although I did self harm (because I am idiotic) one of my friends helped me clamber slightly out of the depressed state by taking me to a toy shop and making me laugh. I am extremely thankful to that friend.

    I'm not currently seeing any therapists although I have done in the past when I suffered several severe mental breakdowns at school over a couple of weeks. I know it sounds silly, but I feel weak and insecure telling people about all my troubles and prefer to usually bottle it all up. Friends come to me with their problems when they need someone to listen to them and won't tell anyone. And I feel like I can't talk to my mum because she might take it to be attention seeking.
  • *Holly**Holly* Moderator Posts: 140 Settling in
    Hi Lyddie.J.

    What's the situation now? Do you feel better about this romance situation now things are out in the open more?

    You shouldn't feel weak or insecure about telling people about your problems. In fact it actually takes a lot of guts! You say you've seen therapists before so does your mum know you had problems in the past? How did she handle it then?

    I'm going to give you these links to our confiding in someone about self harm article, in case you feel able to talk about it. And also visiting your GP about self harm may be useful.

    The important thing to remember is you're not alone. The boards are always here when you need them and it sounds like you've got a good friend who took you to the toy shop. :)

    Let us know how you're getting on.

    Big hug

    Holly*hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things are going great, it's almost like it is better than before.

    I saw therapists when I had a couple breakdowns at school and had to be taken out of lessons/school for a couple days. At first she thought it was all attention seeking and then realised that there were some underlying issues. Apparently I'm also slightly in the risk group as I have a family history of mental illness.

    Thank you for the links, I'm sure they will be really helpful.

    Lyddie.
  • *Holly**Holly* Moderator Posts: 140 Settling in
    Hi Lyddie

    I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better about things and that you've found those links helpful.

    Remember TheSite boards are here whenever you need them.

    :)

    Holly
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