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Hi am new to this - daughter self-harms

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi am a worried mum of a teenage daughter who has recently started to self harm and am finding it very upsetting and hard to cope with. Was hoping to find people in the same position as myself.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there. I am very sorry to hear of your current issue. I was once a teen who cut and now (as a 26 year old) I can't even imagine how my parents felt when they found out about it (I believe I was 15 or 16 when they told me, though I continued to cut until I was about 19).

    I think a very important thing to know is that cutting is not a disease (for lack of better words) but a symptom and it is very important to get your child the help and support they need for the root cause of this.

    I still remember when my parents confronted me. It was very non-judgemental but still very niave. They didn't look down on me for what I did and they didn't pretend to know why I did it or what I was going through. When they first asked, I was in a very sad and depressed mood, they came in to my room, in their loving and carying way and in a combo telling/asking way about my cutting. They were honest that they didn't know anything about it, why I was doing it but they had recently researched it and that they were willing to help in whatever way possible.

    I wasn't able to confront it at the time, but luckily, I was already seeing a therapislt. They told them for me, then at my next appt, we addressed the issue - which was still, that it was a symptom - not the issue.

    I guess the point of all of this is to be there, be caring, don't be judgmental or pretend to know what they are going through if you don't. Just be there and be open.

    Also, with the majority of cutters, it is not suicidial in anyway. Cuttin, like tattoos, piercings, exercise, chocolate, etc... it releases endorhpins and when/if you are depressed, the few and far between endorphins you can get are important.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your reply. My daughter is seeing a physcologist for an eating disorder which has really helped but now the cutting seems to be happening instead. I have got information and i am understanding more of why she does it but its seeing the cuts on her that really upset me and im starting to feel that im not coping with it very well now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you thought about seeing somebody yourself for this? Not that you have anything wrong, but they can help you to understand why, what you can do and just try and help you feel better/more in control :)
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi Treacle,
    It's understandable that you find the cutting upsetting - seeing your daughter do something that you instinctively feel is doing her harm is both scary and confusing.

    Moving past the fear to find ways to support your daughter, making sure she has both emotional and first-aid support, is really challenging and takes a lot of courage - so I think my name makes a really good point about getting some help for yourself too.

    In our Self-harm section of the TheSite we have a list of resources that you may find helpful to start to explore -

    http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/supportgroupsandwebsites

    Keep letting us know how you feel about all of this...the more we know the more we can help. :)

    By the way I'm going to move this over to our mental health section, I hope you don't mind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks my name and Helen. I have been to my daughters weekly appointment this morning and have said that im not coping very well at the moment and they are looking into some help for me. My daughter has cut a couple of times since the weekend and was very low sun and mon but happier now. I feel bad because she knows its upsetting me at the moment but i cant help it. I have taken a couple of days off of my work just to give me some time to myself. I have no problem with this going over to the mental health section Helen. I will keep in touch-thanks again.
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