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Other People's Weddings.... Abroad.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all
Was just wondering on everybody elses views on this....
Is it just me or do you find other peoples weddings abroad increadibly selfish? I know its their big day an all but the fact their guests have to pay out a shed load of money to be there is not really fair. I'll explain why I feel this way...
My and my boyfriend are currently renting a 1 bedroom flat and we can just about afford it along with all the bills on our current salarys. One day soon (maybe next year) we are hoping to save up and get a place of our own but first of course we need to save for a down payment and all the fees involved in getting a mortgage.
My boyfriends best mate is in the same situation as us but has just got engaged to his girlfriend but rather than them wanting to save for a house they want to save for their wedding. They want to get married in Vegas next year and my boyfriend is the best man. We hardly have any money and the money that we do get we were going to put towards saving for our house but now all of a sudden we have to save up thousands and thousands of pounds to be able to attend this wedding!
I understand he is the best man so he has to be there but I really truely belive that his mate should offer to pay for his flights & hotel if he wants him there. I totaly understand that I will have to pay for myself which is fine, but I think the best man should be paid for by the couple as hes essential to their wedding and its not cheap at all to get to the USA and back. Basically I'm a bit upset now because any money we now save is going towards paying for this wedding rather than our future and I guess I'm a little bitter about that fact.
Why should our lives have to be put on hold because THEY want to get married in Vegas???? If me and my bf were rich and had the spare cash then it wouldn't be a problem but we really don't have the money and anything spare we were going to save towards our mortgage one day. But thats all down the drain now as we need to save at least 3 grand for this wedding.
We were even considering moving out of our 1 bedroom flat and into a room in a shared house to be able to save more money so we can get a mortgage one day, thats how much we need the money, but that just seems pointless now if we are going to blow the money going to Vegas
I feel like a bitch feeling this way cus its their big day and I want them to be happy but me and my boyfriend need to move on with our lives as well and we can't do this whilst we have to pay to go to this wedding!
Was just wondering on everybody elses views on this....
Is it just me or do you find other peoples weddings abroad increadibly selfish? I know its their big day an all but the fact their guests have to pay out a shed load of money to be there is not really fair. I'll explain why I feel this way...
My and my boyfriend are currently renting a 1 bedroom flat and we can just about afford it along with all the bills on our current salarys. One day soon (maybe next year) we are hoping to save up and get a place of our own but first of course we need to save for a down payment and all the fees involved in getting a mortgage.
My boyfriends best mate is in the same situation as us but has just got engaged to his girlfriend but rather than them wanting to save for a house they want to save for their wedding. They want to get married in Vegas next year and my boyfriend is the best man. We hardly have any money and the money that we do get we were going to put towards saving for our house but now all of a sudden we have to save up thousands and thousands of pounds to be able to attend this wedding!
I understand he is the best man so he has to be there but I really truely belive that his mate should offer to pay for his flights & hotel if he wants him there. I totaly understand that I will have to pay for myself which is fine, but I think the best man should be paid for by the couple as hes essential to their wedding and its not cheap at all to get to the USA and back. Basically I'm a bit upset now because any money we now save is going towards paying for this wedding rather than our future and I guess I'm a little bitter about that fact.
Why should our lives have to be put on hold because THEY want to get married in Vegas???? If me and my bf were rich and had the spare cash then it wouldn't be a problem but we really don't have the money and anything spare we were going to save towards our mortgage one day. But thats all down the drain now as we need to save at least 3 grand for this wedding.
We were even considering moving out of our 1 bedroom flat and into a room in a shared house to be able to save more money so we can get a mortgage one day, thats how much we need the money, but that just seems pointless now if we are going to blow the money going to Vegas
I feel like a bitch feeling this way cus its their big day and I want them to be happy but me and my boyfriend need to move on with our lives as well and we can't do this whilst we have to pay to go to this wedding!
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Comments
Now your boyfriend is supposed to be the best man. If he doesn't have the money (that means, even if it's physically there, but supposed to go somewhere else, like for a mortgage), he has to tell his mate he doesn't have it and can't go. If he wants to go though, this is now a dispute between you and him.
Two options arise. Either he won't go to the wedding, or his mate pays at least parts. Now three more possibilities arise:
1. The guy getting married understands and looks for another best man: OK
2. he pays: Ok
3. He gets angry and accuses your boyfriend of ruining their special day: he can go eat a dick
if you cant afford it, dont go.
I dont think its particularly selfish, unless they really truly havent considered that a lot of people wont be able to afford it.
I would say they SHOULD know that most people won't be able to come. If you are so starry eyed that you blow your whole money on a wedding in Vegas instead of a place to live, I'd argue you are shortsighted enough to be pissed off if people cannot come.
Pretty much this.
generally getting married abroad, is much cheaper than getting married in the UK. Thats a major reason a lot of people do it. Vegas weddings are cheap
It's as simple as said above - your boyfriend has to talk to his mate and explain the situation. He can either like it or lump it.
The guy whos wedding it is KNOWS our situation. But the thing that is getting to me is that he has not even offered to pay or even go havles and just expects my partner to pay out for this.
The main problem is that they have been friends for years and are more like brothers than mates, so my boyfriend has just accecpted the fact we are going to have to pay without any fight whatsoever. I can totaly understand where he is coming from in the fact he wants to stand by his best mate and support him but I'm really not happy about it.
I think maybe my anger is being aimed in the wrong direction, I'm angry at the couple for wanting a Vegas wedding (when its their right at the end of the day) rather and being mad at my bf for happily going along with it and not being bothered about the fact that money is meant to be for our future.... I think hes putting his mate before our life together. Am I wrong to feel upset/angry/bitter about this?
Whenever I mention it to him he says that they have given us over a years warning to save up and what is he meant to do? Not go?
I feel like there is not sort of comprimise with this and its really getting me. 3 grand is a LOT of money for us and could do so much for our future rather than wasting it all going to shitty Vegas!
I can't back down on this. Our life together and our home is more important than their wedding. I'm not going to carry on throwing money down the drain renting when we could be saving for a mortgage.
I prob won't end end up going as its a waste of money to be honest and I don't mind that he wants to go but it all boils down to money at the end of the day.
He needs to get his prioritys straight.
Does he need to get HIS priorities straight or YOUR priorities? I don't know about their friendship, but if my best friend wants to marry abroad and want me to be his best man, I'd probably go, even if it means I am broke then.
A joint mortgage is an investment into someones' future. Your friends
wedding isn't. That £3k could be the difference between getting a deposit together and not being to.
It sounds like you're already getting some varied and good advice from your fellow board users. And also, getting the chance to vent about an understandably hugely frustrating situation Old Mad :banghead: :mad: Feel free to keep venting about how tacky/thoughtless/pointless/selfish this wedding idea is here if you need to.
I was just going to ask if you've spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel? It seems like, from your posts, that it's him you're more angry at perhaps? For what you see as him choosing someone else's wedding over saving for your future? And maybe you need some reassurance that your future together is as important to him as it is to you? Does that sound right?
It's obviously not his fault that he's been put into this awkward situation. However, it might be worth talking to him about how it makes you feel. Talking about money can sometimes be difficult but as long as you stay away from accusationary phrases such as "you're picking their marriage over our future" and change them to things like "I feel upset that this wedding is going to affect our ability to save for a mortgage - what do you think?" it should go smoothly. That way you may be able to find a compromise that keeps you both happy?
Sometimes you have to back down even if you dont like it, because its not really up to you if he goes to his best mates wedding, or it shouldnt be. Even if it takes you longer to save your deposit, at least you wouldnt be asking him to do something he might regret for a long time.