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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i just would like peoples advice on my situation at the moment ....been with my partner for 8 years and have a 4 year old little girl ...i met him when i was going through a very bad patch in my life and so he kind of listened to me and we got on fine but i never thought he was my type in the looks department but i sused to stay at his flat every weekend mainly to have a break from my other kids and to have a drink etc etc ,things went quick and he ended up moving in with me , we had always got on well but never had that chemistry with him ie finding him a turn on and sexy , ihave become a very bossy person towards him and he does everything for me infact he has took over my role which i dont like at all and he fusses over me to much also we r with each other all the time ,now ive come to the stage where i cant go on no more ...dont want to sleep with him ..dont like his hygene dont like that he is quite big in size and dont fancy him at all, i want to split up but i have a little girl and i so dont want to hurt her but do i stay in the relationship and be unhappy or do i end it , also he is a gammer on the computer so he never sits with me in same room which is not right !
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Comments
Do you really think your relationship is beyond repair?
You say "you can't go on anymore" and that you "don't want to stay in the relationship and be unhappy". Do you mean the relationship as it is now? Or the relationship full stop?
It sounds like maybe both of you have stopped making an effort with each other. Him, with his appearance, hygeine, and spending all this time on a computer. And also, you admit yourself that you've been quite bossy with him.
Eight years is a long time to be together. You mention there's never been a huge amount of sexual chemistry but have you been unhappy this whole time? Or just recently? Because if it's the latter it could be worth trying to get out of the rut you're both in. Maybe make time to do stuff together as a couple? And talking about your relationship together and where it's at. This article on relationship therapy might be useful to you and could be something you try together?
Sex, and wanting to have sex with your partner, is, of course, important. But if you're feeling crappy about the relationship in general it's bound to affect your lust-levels. And it's worth remembering that there's a lot more to a relationship than sexual chemistry. Even couples who were tearing each other clothes off at the beginning would probably be a bit blase about sex eight years in. Or you can have great sexual chemistry with someone but then they're terrible at supporting you emotionally. It's hard in any relationship to find a partner who ticks every box and it's worth working out what tick-boxes are most important to you.
Or are you definitely sure you want out of the relationship and are just staying together for your child? If your mind is made up then this article on Seperating with children can help you on the legal side of things.
Ultimately it's your decision and only you can make it. But TheSite.org is here whatever you decide and whenever you need us. *hug*
Holly