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Friendship issues - what to do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Oldie here; but he knows my username...
About 2 years ago, I had major issues with depression, which led me to become clingy and my friend would refuse to discuss this issue with me and would refuse to talk to me full stop. (he would email me; but never told me at all what he wants from me, or he would and would be so cryptic about it)
Since then, he's been really strange towards me. We've been out twice since then and he's been ok. It's just that if it's just us talking, he seems really distant and doesn't want to talk to me. We don't talk that much and haven't spoke properly for a very long time.
He is aware of how I feel; but seems to either not acknowledge how I feel (I've tried not to say anything for months) or ignores me. I have tried to talk to him and he says nothing. I have been trying to get something off him for the last week. On Saturday, he decided that he was going to ask on Facebook why I wanted this thing, which really pissed me off. :grump:
It is so tempting to tell him this is it; although I'd rather not do that. He is Autistic; which I am aware does sometimes cause issues with social stuff.
There is another issue too, which I am aware is nothing to do with me.
About 4 years ago, I accidentally stumbled upon something (despite his efforts to hide his true identity) which implied he's cheating on his wife. Not being sure what to do, I left it. A few years ago, they were discussing whether to break up. We met up and he told me he was winding his wife up and told her he went out with another woman last night, which led to her asking if he'd slept with someone, which he denied.
I have since discovered (due to his stupidity) that he's cheating on his wife. There is a child involved in this too.
What do I do? I don't want him to know that I know what he's doing.
About 2 years ago, I had major issues with depression, which led me to become clingy and my friend would refuse to discuss this issue with me and would refuse to talk to me full stop. (he would email me; but never told me at all what he wants from me, or he would and would be so cryptic about it)
Since then, he's been really strange towards me. We've been out twice since then and he's been ok. It's just that if it's just us talking, he seems really distant and doesn't want to talk to me. We don't talk that much and haven't spoke properly for a very long time.
He is aware of how I feel; but seems to either not acknowledge how I feel (I've tried not to say anything for months) or ignores me. I have tried to talk to him and he says nothing. I have been trying to get something off him for the last week. On Saturday, he decided that he was going to ask on Facebook why I wanted this thing, which really pissed me off. :grump:
It is so tempting to tell him this is it; although I'd rather not do that. He is Autistic; which I am aware does sometimes cause issues with social stuff.
There is another issue too, which I am aware is nothing to do with me.
About 4 years ago, I accidentally stumbled upon something (despite his efforts to hide his true identity) which implied he's cheating on his wife. Not being sure what to do, I left it. A few years ago, they were discussing whether to break up. We met up and he told me he was winding his wife up and told her he went out with another woman last night, which led to her asking if he'd slept with someone, which he denied.
I have since discovered (due to his stupidity) that he's cheating on his wife. There is a child involved in this too.
What do I do? I don't want him to know that I know what he's doing.
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Comments
It sounds like there's two different issues here with the same friend.
The first seems to be that you're getting upset abot how he has handled your depression. People can find it difficult to deal with mental illness, especially as it's still so widely misunderstood. And I think in this instance his autism may have hindered an already-difficult situation. Is there anyone else you can confide in when you feel down who might be better-equipped? Sometimes different friends serve different purposes and it might just be this friend isn't the best confider-inner. Does that seem right?
Your depression aside, it also sounds likes there are other problems in your friendship, so much so you're considering ending it. Is that what you meant by "I want to say 'this is it'"? You're also sitting on a huge burden of knowledge about his affair which will, naturally, change your opinion of him.
I guess, with all this, it may be useful to decide if the friendship is something you still want to commit time and emotions to? It's very sad but sometimes friendships do run their course and you could perhaps be happier if you broadened your social circle and focused on other friends.
Although - if the friendship is really important to you - then having an open discussion (if he will let you) may help. Ultimately it's your decision what you want to do - about the friendship and about the secret you've discovered. But it's worth pointing out friendships are supposed to bring happiness to your life
Hope that helps and feel free to keep posting - even if it's just to vent.
Holly
He has explained before (I think) that he can't talk to me when I'm like this.
Yes it does. I have had to ask another friend for advice. (she's been there and done that; so probably understands more my issues) I think he has admitted before (I could have misunderstood him, of course) that he doesn't know how to deal with my depression, which is why he used to refuse to talk to me.
Yes
This is what I'm wondering too. He has explained before that he doesn't have that much time to talk to me now. (I don't either)
I don't think he will let me talk about this. He is aware how I feel; but won't discuss it. I do think him and I (I am not going to tell him that I know he's having an affair - I know I need to keep out of it) really do need to talk. Except when we've done this, it always turns into an argument.
Thanks.
Sorry to hear the situation hasn't improved. *hug*What happened? Did you try talking to your friend?
Holly
I've tried and still have got no answer from him.
what answer are you actually looking for? also in the first paragraph of your first post, you say he would email you but not say what he wants from you, what do you mean by that? do you mean in a relationship way?