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Confused About Feelings ..

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I've been with my current boyfriend for about 5 years now, but now I don't feel the same about him. My love for him just isn't like it used to be - yet I don't want to break up with him.
However, in a way I do want to break up as I have feelings for someone else. He told me he liked me a few weeks ago, but he felt bad for telling me as he knew that I was with someone else. But I don't think he remembers telling me because he was drunk.
Advice anyone? Thanks in advance.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you have feelings for someone else and doubt about the relationship your in then maybe you need to end it! But 5 years is along time and I would advise you to work on the relationship before throwing it all away
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1) In 99,9% of the cases, people won't love their spouses like they did on the first day. This is normal. You don't love your first gameboy the way you did on the first day and the thought of when you peed your pants in high school is not so cringeworthy as it was a week after the incident. You get used to things. Except boobies. They are as magnificent on the first as on the 3529th time.

    2) In my opinion, every person in a relationship that goes on for some time will be interested in someone else at some point. Even if it's just infatuation. It is up to you if you pursue those feelings with the new person, or you make a rational (with elimination of emotion) decision and say to yourself you will steer clear of this person, in person and in thought, for the sake of your relationship.

    3) Someone drunkenly told you he has feelings for you (which he might not even remember) and you talk about leaving someone you actually do not want to leave. Is this smart?

    4) There is no 4) because I need to go to the bathroom like super urgent.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Strubbles makes some good points here.. it's likely that in a long term relationship there will be times that you feel less connected or that you question what you want and how you feel, other people will come in and out of your life and at times you might feel an attraction - it's how you decide to deal with those situations that matters and as curly_boy says, it's worth thinking carefully if you're unsure about how you feel.

    It sucks being confused though, sometimes it's hard to pinpoint how you really feel but take your time, there's no big rush and it might help to find some time to talk to your partner about how you feel.

    This article on successful monogomy has some really good insights into what makes things last and it might be worth a read: http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/couples/lifeasacouple/successfulmonogamy

    There's also the idea of 'emotional affairs' where you have strong feelings for someone else. It can often be that they fill a gap that's lacking in your current relationship or it may be something more but it can be really confusing. Have a read and see if any of this sounds familiar: http://www.thesite.org/thesite.org/sexandrelationships/couples/relationshipissues/emotionalaffairs

    Are you and your boyfriend good at making quality time for each other? It may be that you both need to put a bit of effort in to shake things up a bit? If you're looking for some expert relationship advice don't forget you can also submit a question to askTheSite in confidence.

    I hope some of this is helpful, let us know how things are going and good luck :heart:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to talk openly to him
    rather than bottling your emotions inside as that way
    your being honest and open to him and not supressing your emotions.:thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't keep things to yourself. Talk to him, if you bottle it up, it will only makes things worse for yourself. It's good to talk :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could leave you b/f for this new guy and 3 months later you could be totally alone and regretting it, just think about all the good times youve had together and try and spice things up, go on holiday, buy a sex book, spend more time together :thumb:
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