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My girlfriend has severe depression. Please help.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi guys, I am in desperate need of advice and help.

As the title would suggest, my girlriend has depression. About a week ago she posted on here and within the post she said that I'm really supportive and am doing as much as I can and there's not much more I can do (if you wish to read it, the title is something like 'self-harm and depression is hurting me and others around me' -Gmann). Even after telling me I can do nothing more, I still feel as I'm not doing enough.

If anyone is willing to give advice or maybe even message me I would be so grateful and very willing to explain in further detail.

Thank you.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being supportive to someone who is very depressed is never easy, I've been on bothsides of the fence, and theres never going to be a simple checklist thats going to sort everything. Most importantly, you need to remember that it is not your mission to make them better. You choose to be with and support them recovering, but you cannot make it your life's work forcing them to recover (not that I'm saying you are doing that), but its really important that you support rather than carry them.

    Are you still doing the normal romantic stuff? Having nights in with a film, meals out, pampering her a little etc? Keeping some kind of normality going can really help. Are there any practical things you could do? When I get really down I find it difficult to keep on top of chores, so my ex used to come make me a meal and then do the washing up for me, and then go to the launderette with me. That helped more than him sitting and nagging me to tell him what was wrong or upsetting me.

    Its also important to make sure that you don't suffocate her as well. If she needs space, respect that. Yes, she might be pushing you away at points but its also really important to have some space for reflection when you feel depressed.

    If you're in the UK there are lot of places she can get help - both through the GP and through charities, and if anything try and guide her to getting help - even if its just starts with a talk with her GP. You should make sure you get some support too, because looking after anyone can be difficult, even more so when its someone you love. And give yourself some credit, there are plenty of guys who wouldn't stick around and have shown as much care as you have.

    I hope that helps a little!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly does she know that you are also now posting on here? I only ask as she could well have come in her looking for some confidential advice and you've just identified yourself as her other half. I'm not having a go or anything, just curious.

    As for advice there isnt too much I could add to Miss_Riot's advice, take heed of it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot

    Thank you for the advice. It is greatly appreciated :) I will try my best not to carry her but instead to support her but sometimes it's so hard not to pick her up when I see her struggle but I'll take your word for it.

    So it's true? The little things can make the biggest difference. Well I shall definitely bare that in mind and try and make her feel as relaxed and loved as I can without suffocating her.

    Jordan946
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