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Best friend took OD and I'm falling apart

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My life right now is pretty messed up - I'm living out of a suitcase in a friend's spare room because my house isn't yet safe and secure to move into, and it sometimes feels like my life is on a knife edge.

But this xmas was meant to be a break from all the crap thats been going on - being made homeless and becoming very panicy and all that jazz. My childhood best friend was going to come down and we were going to have a lovely few days doing the stuff we used to. She's had a really hard year - she broke up with her boyfriend after he totally slashed her self esteem, had to have an abortion, her cousin comitted suicide in april. She started dating someone at work, and somehow some work mates found out at the beginning of the week and have made her life hell, name calling, putting things up on facebook, just generally making her miserable. Today it all came to a head and she was sent home by work in a distressed state. She went home and took an overdose. Luckily the guy she's been seeing found her and got her to A&E before it was too late. We're just waiting to hear if her liver or any other organs are damages.

But right now, I was meant to be picking her up and bringing her home for xmas. Instead she's the otherside of the country and I can't do anything to help her. I keep staring at all of her presents under the tree that I spent all afternoon wrapping. I feel so angry, not at her because she just needs more support and she needs to not be working and have less pressure on her, but why all of this shit is happening to me. And I feel selfish for feeling like that.

I don't think she realises just how important she is to me. I just want to be there for her, but why can't I just have SOMETHING just one thing go right for me.

I know I'm being selfish right now, I'm just finding it all really hard to process and I don't know what to do with myself.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs. I can't think of much else to say but hugs.

    Also, while the tv and radio and general world is full of Christmas cheer, there's a lot of shit around at Christmas too. You often feel like you're the only one having a rough time at Christmas, because the rest of the world appears to be smiling and having a brilliant time, and after all, it's Christmas, so you've got to be happy. It's definitely not the case. I'm working Christmas, and lots of the others on this rotation are equally content in a world hidden away from the forced joviality.

    Take care of yourself, take care of your friend, and remember the PR version of Christmas doesn't happen in anyones real world (well, not once you're over the age of 8).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Miss Riot :wave:,

    It doesn't sound like your being selfish at all, just that you have a lot going on at the moment and you are really wanting to be there for your best friend !! that doesn't sound selfish to me :thumb: !. Im sure your friend knows how much she means to you and that you are a good friend who will always be there for her.:)

    It must also be very unsettling for you not having a permanent place to live and just staying with a friend can be really stressful on top of everything else. It is good that you are coming on The Site to post and know that we are always here to listen.

    I hope everything starts to work out better for you and your friend and please continue to check in with us at The Site and let us know how you are getting on.

    Hugs
    B:wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just keep getting so angry with her...she just had to wait a couple of hours longer and then she would have been her and we could have talked it all through, and I would have had control of her medication so she couldn't have taken an overdose. I kind of feel like she's wrecked christmas, but thats unfair because she did what she felt she had to at the time. But at the same time WHAT ABOUT ME??

    My ma is fucked off with me now too, because she asked me yesterday afternoon if there was anything she could do to support me and I said no not right now, and then she went off and got drunk - which considering we're staying with a recovered alcoholic is incredibly not on. And she's fucked off because I picked her up on it.

    I feel like packing my bags and walking away from it all, but I know I'd only get so far before having a panic attack.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    awww Miss_Riot so sorry to hear about your friend *hug*

    I hope the day's been better today,

    dp :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well physically she's out of the woods. But I can't get hold of her so i don't know if she's been sectioned or if she's been sent to stay with her grandparents. I'm going to try again tomorrow.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Miss Riot :wave:,

    How are you feeling today ? Did you manage to get hold of your friend and see how she was getting on ?:)

    I hope that you have had a good christmas :thumb:.

    Keep posting and let us know how you and your friend are doing !

    Take Care,
    Hugs,
    B.:wave:
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