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The things people say

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Anything Goes
Thought we could all have a laugh with some of those one liners people say, or short conversations you over hear that make you laugh.

Currently I can't think of any, but that won't last long.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    'Edinburgh's got some of the best nights out in England'
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mum: What's that?
    Me: It's a reconstruction of an Iron Age village.
    Mum: How do you know it's Iron Age?
    Dad: It's rusty.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me: I don't appreciate coming in and being jumped on by the dogs. All because I smell of a few strange dogs.
    Friend: Smell of cat next time then

    Me: On the news they've just shown a moose going into a supermarket...
    Dad: To get some custard?

    Me: My laptop battery is dying (as in won't hold charge)
    Friend 1: Please let me know when the funeral is
    Friend 2: Have you tried charging it?

    Brother: when it sneezes outside...
    Mum: it sneezes outside?

    Friend: I'm getting old. I'm going to be 39 on my birthday. :(
    Me: And next year you'll be 40
    Friend: In the politest way possible, feck off
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mum made Fajitas one and the back of the packet said to enjoy them with "amigos".

    Of course my mum being my mum she thought this was a side dish of some kind and phoned my dad to send him running around the supermarket looking for some
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me having a rant at a teacher: 'You're just spying on us and showing how little you trust us. It's so 1984. etc etc'

    Teacher: 'Calm down and don't be so ridiculous. This was happening at my last school long past the 1980's.'

    :banghead:
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Brilliant :lol:
    Me: "The Beckhams have named their daughter Harper Seven"
    Mam: "Is that when she was born?"
    She said that hours before anyone started saying it online :D
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't explain why but I laughed for at least five minutes when my Dad announced to the world that he was away to drop the kids off at the pool by saying he needed "El Biggo Dumpo" :lol:
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That made me laugh too!

    A friend once told me he contacted my dad about something. He then said "at least I think he's your dad. The only other person I could find looks too young to be your dad and I can't imagine your dad being a musician". :lol:

    GP: According to your MRI scan, you do have a congenital brain disorder. However, the neurosurgeon and his team can't decide what. The good news is, you still have a brain.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Coming back from Church after the priests were all doting over Sod Baby, GWST said "priests love little kids don't they?"
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me: Is there any way I can create sound in Audacity without importing a song first?
    Friend: The first thing that came to my mind was http://www.facebook.com/audacitychutzpah

    Me: I don't like Java.
    Friend: A song for you - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xC8zhWR_-o

    I have never been able to listen to that song...
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When will we have the files to put on the USB sticks? I ask because my bag is getting very full, and not sure I will have space for the stick once it has the pictures on.

    Now, am I being dim, or are full and empty USB sticks the same siz.e?
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're just being dumb.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just read this on facebook and made me LOL!

    WARNING! There's been a fight in the biscuit tin. A lad called Rocky hit a Penguin over the head with a Club, tied him to a Wagon Wheel with a Blue Ribbon & made his Breakaway in a Taxi. Police say Rocky was last seen just After Eight in Maryland with a Ginger Nut as an accomplice , only known to the police as Rich T....They didn't leave a crumb of evidence, so the Jammie Dodger might get away with it.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Him: I used a special telescope that meant I could look at the sun.

    Her: Oh, was that at night then?
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me: How do I get the stupid internet to stop kicking me off?
    Fiend: Stop calling it stupid. Internets have feelings too.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Years ago some drunk tried to start of a fight with me outside a bar so I nutted him and smashed his nose . Blood got splattered all over my shirt during the tussle. Girl I knew back then asked me why she hadn't seen me wearing that shirt for a while so I told her what happeneed, this guy's blood was splattered all over it, I didn't know him and he could have had Hep C or something.

    Her reply - was the blood yours?

    Tickled me somewhat :cool:
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can remember doing customer service work for a financial insitution for a while and people would phone with all kinds of mad stuff. I think my personal favourite is when some nervous sounding guy obv in need of constant reassurance called up and told me he had the papers for some kind of legal agreement and had completed every section required except for the section he had to sign.

    His question - what do I do next? I'd had enough of the job so told him to draw a picture of a small cow and then send it to us by recorded mail, which he found surprisingly funny and said ok i'll sign it and send it off tomorrow. I quit a few days afterwards but to this day hope the quality assurance team listened to that call and took a fit.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me: The dog has just licked my tongue. :yuck:
    Brother: Lovely!
    Friend: Did he lick his balls first?

    (he didn't)
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a man i work with has a disability in his legs where they sort of twist inwards so he's a bit unsteady. i had just mopped the floor.
    me: don't walk over my wet floor please.
    him: what should i do then?
    me: jump over.

    doh.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sat in my kitch; Me, Dan and Trist.

    Me: You know what the best thing about this watch is?
    Trist: What?
    Dan: That trist doesn't have it?

    Complete crease...

    Another time: (i was drunk)
    Me: DON'T MAKE ME STAB YOU WITH MY SWORD
    Dan: Dude, that's a glow stick.
    Trist: BOOM sit the fuck down.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dad: Where is the Dublin Super Cup being held?
    Me: Dublin
    Dad: Don't be so cockey
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    years ago my father got a new stereo system and a michael jackson song was coming up. I turned it up loud.

    dad: not so loud please. It's falling apart.
    me: What? You just got it. It's brand new.
    dad: not the stereo. michael jackson.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me sitting on my bed eating a muffin with the cat (Stevie) in front of me: Stevie just licked my muffin!
    Sister: Stop waving it in her face then!
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A friend posted a photo on Facebook, to which someone replied it makes him look like a serial killer and that he needs a shave...
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Overheard out of context by the rest of the control room.

    Male boss to me, the only woman around.

    "No thanks, it isn't that I don't want you, but I want your bed too'.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Deb - Do you want something from the ice cream van ?

    Me - Oooo yes. A coconut oyster.

    Deb - You can't have that, you're vegetarian.

    She's naturally blonde :)
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I fucking love Randomcat :):heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:
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