If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
My sister has found me :)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okay basically to get you into the loop ;- my dad created a half-sister for me and splitted from the girlfriend before she was born. I saw her once (my mum took me) she was about 1 and i was like 8 (at the time i was like who is this/in a daze/its a baby let me go play on my gameboy) after this meeting my dad found out and from his tone of voice/sayings he was upset at me for doing so. From that i have never brought the confidence to ask him about her/her surname etc. Even now 15 years on i had never felt to ask him/he rubs it off when my nan says "oh i wonder what your sister looks like".
Ive recently moved to Australia (where she lives) for a year or two. I had just moved into a flat and then got a facebook message, it was her! She has added me and my father to facebook.
Instantly i sent a message and we got speaking with messages and said at one point we could meet up "yeah it would be good" she replied.
Two days with all these emotions of now seeing her via photos/speaking to her i asked but allready decided that i was going to move into her city to live. (i thought i stay where i was and see her twice or move down there and see her 50 or twice, but least i tried)
More messages have been going back and forth and asked again if we could now meet in person in wish the reply was "when i finish soccer season/school term" which i can understand as seeing someone you havent seen before/relation can be tough/scary (it is for me and im older) the messages then went onto the talk of my father and i said he was not really a father to me in which she replied "at least i dont have to get my hopes up as i allready have a good dad now". I agreed and said that "i am annoyed at myself for not finding you sooner".
Then the messages go cold from there, no replies and when i do manage to get a hello, how is your day its a reply and then goes offline. You normally reply to a message sent dont you?
Okay she may just not have the time to go on pc over weekend/caught her at a bad time
Actually will she meet up with me? I could raise up her hopes and leave, returning back to UK and might not best to see me at all.
Have i taken it too far too quickly and scaring her?
Am i getting paranoid? :crazyeyes
When if we meet and see her family and her younger sister who probs does not know she is her half sister wonder who i am? what will her parents say to not get her little sister upset.. and say i am just a friend?
I beleive their school term is ending in the coming days and we shall see if she wants to meet, if not i think i maybe right :x
Sorry for this crap post, i just want to ask/hopefully get a response "its fine" from someone and i can get back to being easy
Ive recently moved to Australia (where she lives) for a year or two. I had just moved into a flat and then got a facebook message, it was her! She has added me and my father to facebook.
Instantly i sent a message and we got speaking with messages and said at one point we could meet up "yeah it would be good" she replied.
Two days with all these emotions of now seeing her via photos/speaking to her i asked but allready decided that i was going to move into her city to live. (i thought i stay where i was and see her twice or move down there and see her 50 or twice, but least i tried)
More messages have been going back and forth and asked again if we could now meet in person in wish the reply was "when i finish soccer season/school term" which i can understand as seeing someone you havent seen before/relation can be tough/scary (it is for me and im older) the messages then went onto the talk of my father and i said he was not really a father to me in which she replied "at least i dont have to get my hopes up as i allready have a good dad now". I agreed and said that "i am annoyed at myself for not finding you sooner".
Then the messages go cold from there, no replies and when i do manage to get a hello, how is your day its a reply and then goes offline. You normally reply to a message sent dont you?
Okay she may just not have the time to go on pc over weekend/caught her at a bad time
Actually will she meet up with me? I could raise up her hopes and leave, returning back to UK and might not best to see me at all.
Have i taken it too far too quickly and scaring her?
Am i getting paranoid? :crazyeyes
When if we meet and see her family and her younger sister who probs does not know she is her half sister wonder who i am? what will her parents say to not get her little sister upset.. and say i am just a friend?
I beleive their school term is ending in the coming days and we shall see if she wants to meet, if not i think i maybe right :x
Sorry for this crap post, i just want to ask/hopefully get a response "its fine" from someone and i can get back to being easy
0
Comments
As you say, two days of emotions in relation to finding your sister, seeing what she looks like and for the first time feeling like you have a chance of a relationship - it's no wonder you're now feeling anxious about the fact that she is seemingly now a little distant.
It can be really hard when you don't actually know someone well, so you're constantly having to second guess what their reactions might mean and not knowing things like how sensitive they are, how best to respond etc. We end up tying ourselves in knots with the power of our imagination!
As you say, the school term is nearly coming to and end it might genuinely be that she has a lot on her plate at the moment and doesn't really have the time to take all this in and make a proper plan to see you, but perhaps would ultimately like to.
Try not to count down the days, but to give it a week into her holidays and then perhaps approach her with some options for meeting, or simply ask her if she'd still be up for getting together? You could at this point mention that you'd be happy to spend more time chatting online before meeting if she'd prefer that option.
How old is she btw?
Overall though, based on what you've told us here, you haven't done anything wrong. She initiated the contact and you've just been enthusiastic, which is fine.
So try not to be hard on yourself and see where this goes...
Let us know what happens next.
Im 23, She is just about to turn 15 in 3 weeks so if this following week doesnt show a result i maybe able to play the "ive got a little birthday something to give ya" which could break the ice. I presume its good to give a card/gift. lol
cheers for the reply helen, putting my mind at ease
Will let you know/plenty of questions to follow,
OK cool - just wondering if at that age her parents would have any influence over where she's allowed to go and what she's allowed to do etc. Have you had any contact with them at all and do you think there would be any mileage in arranging it as 'going to meet the family' rather than just her? Last thing I want to do is put another spanner in the works, but might be worth considering in the bigger picture - if she was 18 I might not have even thought of it, but as a 15 year-old, she may be more comfortable meeting you with others around.
Only problem is i dont know if the mum knows we are talking or her feelings on me seeing her.
should i ask? sister or friend her mum and say "hello"?
That's cool, yeah I think it would be worth asking if her mum knows you are talking
Okay its been some time since the thread. Its coming near to the end of her holiday in which she said we could meet
I have been messaging her in Private chat (i am the one who always starts the convo/keeps it going) with her little few word replies.
I have asked her about her parents/if i can meet and give her a birthday present/other questions and they all get ignored.
Because of that new facebook update u can see who they just spoke too etc so i know she is online/using facebook.
Also just seeing her, knowing that she is close is a reminder everyday that its playing mind games on me - at one point we was 200 meters apart!
She just seems to be getting on with her life and just putting me at the back
I was thinking of maybe writing this to her,
would this push her away? Be better for me? Shall i just do this so she can do it in her own time
Yes it might be hard for you, but you might loose any chance of her wanting to keep up any kind of contact for now (and it can be difficult to get contact once you've lost it already).
It might be an ice breaker to see if you could meet up within a group setting, where there are other things going on - like if she went bowling with some friends and you go bowling with some friends - you could talk for 5 mins or for hours, but theres no pressure there to have to talk, because you're doing something else.
Have you asked her if she wants to get to know you? Because you're right she may be scared of what the future would hold if you met up, but she might also be happy with the way life is right now and not want to upset that. Unfortunately, if thats the case you'd have to just accept that, but leave channels open if she changes her mind in the future. You can unsubscribe to people so you don't see their every action.
Agreed :yes:
It's pretty intense and may make her feel anxious/guilty/confused about the situation. As far as I know, there's an option to take someone out of your feed on facebook without actually deleting them, this might be the better option? I think that's what Miss_Riot means by unsubscribing?
That way you can get on with things not thinking about her all the time, but as Miss_Riot says you can leave the channels open should she be ready at a later date.
Have you ever talked to a counsellor about your family situation?
I love this place - has made me from doing some silly mistakes in my life!
No i havent seen a counselor, dont think he would have the time with all my problems!
But you could always start with a journal, just writing it all out helps whilst you're trying to find the right person.
Upside i can see it maybe making the process quicker, having the parents permission and possibly taking the stress off my sister.
Downside i can also see it that the parents may hate me and not want me in her life then making it worse for us too meet and getting her into trouble/not wanting to see me.
Do you think i should contact her parents via FB?
I have asked her myself but getting rejected - all these big questions (parents/birthday/meetingup/what are you doing today) just get ignored Old Mad
I get the feeling you've been way too pushy and she is put off the whole idea and there is nothing I can think about to make it better, except lay low and maybe see if she finds interest in it on her own.
The way your eagerness comes over as obsessed to me, I would even go out on a limb and say your sister might believe there are some ulterior motives to your pushiness, as in, sexual interest.
Take that as you want. I replied once to your thread rudely, it got removed, now I took my time and reformulate my thoughts a second time, so you see how someone from outside thinks about this all, without sweet talking.
Its okay, everyone has their own opinion and tbh your right. (i am too eager/pushy/wants stuff now - its a very bad trait that i have (apparently my father was the same)
Well i managed to speak to her again (she doesnt receive half of the facebook messages) so i asked if i can have her email address to make sure she gets text as i dont know what she sees or not.
I asked if i could send her birthday present and a few words of how i feel about what i have done to her/meet up in your time when your ready/and saying sorry 0 in which i got the reply of
" I guess i thought i was ready to make a little contact but i think i'm not completely ready. I too would someday like to meet and would love to talk and get to know each so that one day we can meet again."
I am not going to lie, im upset and currently balling my eyes out and i am sure rejection is a hard thing for anybody revolving relationships but (after everything i have done to her and i agree with everything she said) i am pleased that she still wants to speak to me, get to know each other and try and work things out.
I now can work on building up the relationship slowly, not relying on meeting up anytime soon and work on getting to know her. AND moving on with my life.
Thank you for all the help you have offered me it has ment alot.
cheers anyway for the honest opinion - sometimes its not best to sugarcoat it