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Help with Self Harming

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My friend has recently started self harming herself, this is something she has done before, but not for a long time. I wondered if anyone could help me out as I don't quite know how to deal with this. I have no knowledge of this whatsoever and would appreciate any advise. I obviously would like to help her in any way I can, but am so afraid, because of my ignorance on the subject I may make matters worse.

Comments

  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,718 Part of the furniture
    Hello Eileens,

    How you doing? It's good to hear you want to help your friend so much, have you spoke to your friend about why she might be doing this to herself? Lodes of people use self harm as a release pain to cover other stuff going on in their lives, why not speak to your friend about getting herself some help? Do you have a school nurse you would be able to go to about this? This might be helpful to you, why do people self harm, it's a article that will help you understand why people do it http://thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/whydopeopleselfharm Might be worth checking out. You could also show your friend a article on Dealing with urges like this one http://thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/dealingwithurges, or why not mention TheSite.org to her, their is a lot useful info on way's she can cope with self harm and alternatives *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi eileens:wave:,

    Im a sorry to hear that your friend is going through a tough time at the moment and I understand that it is difficult for you as you are feeling worried about her.

    Thanks for coming to us and posting your concerns on the site we are here to help !

    Angel has added some really useful links around self harm for you to have a look at in the post below and maybe you could introduce your friend to the site too ! She could really benefit from some of the information on here.

    It sounds like you are being very supportive which is very important for a person to know they have a good support network around them.

    Please continue to post on here and let us know how you both are getting on !!.

    I hope this has been of some help.:thumb:?!

    Take Care,

    Phil :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you so much for your advice. My friend (who is 36), did self harm before, however she hasn't done it for a few years now. When I asked if she knew why she had felt the need to do it she said she didn't know. I will certainly have a look at the links you have kindly highlighted for me, and will tell her about the site. There is always a fear advising someone on a subject that is totally alien to yourself, so your kind input is very much appreciated.

    Eileen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't tell her things like stop getting so caught up on the past or move on or what's the point in doing this to yourself? believe me those comments just make u feel like shit x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to say that I have never used any of these quotes to my friend. I did thank her for trusting me enough to tell me about it,though. Am I best to leave things and let her talk, or have you any other advice. It would be appreciated, and I do thank you for taking time to comment on this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think she'll respond well if you just give her space to talk. Don't forget to ask how she is every now and again to give her the opportunity to say what she needs.

    Obviously everyone's different, and we don't know your friend, but that's what I find most helpful.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for that, your advice is very much appreciated. However, can I ask, for a wee bit further advice (from anyone). I had a strong feeling that she was going to do something like this before it actually happened. If that situation occurs again, what is the best way of dealing with it to try and prevent it. I do so very much appreciate all the help and advice that I have been given, and can't thank you all so very much for your support.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can help her to stop, but she can only stop when she truly wants to, it is a coping mechanism. Ask her once in a while if she is keeping the cuts clean and if there's anything she's worried about regarding the cuts. I cut and my best friend is just there for me 24/7, she's my shoulder to cry on and she doesn't judge. Don't judge and don't say that u understand because chances r u don't. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for that, I will of course take your advice, and just be there for her. I so appreciate your help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, one of the problems is, she was receiving counselling, and they told her that due to cut backs etc it was going to end. I think that was one of the problems that started her self harming again. I have tried everything to get her counselling extended, but as usual no one in the so called "caring proffession", seems to want to listen. I'm so sorry to have gone on a wee rant there, but they do make me so mad. Thanks, again for your advice, it is very much appreciated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I could rant about MH all day! Have you tried to contact any charitable organisations as some of these provide cheap councelling? x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you considered asking if she would let you visit her GP with her? Or use a local Advocacy service (your local Mind might have one). Mental health services - deliberately or not - benefit from the fact that people are often too ill to fight for what they need, so an advocate can make all the difference.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm someone who's been through your friends situation and at times I'm still there. I found that people trying to offer councelling and going to the GP made me feel even more understood. I just needed a friend to be there to hold my hand in a way. I know they say professionals are there to help but sometimes talking to someone you either don't know or hardly know is a really uncomfortable situation. Try offering things like lets go out to the movies or something, simple fun distractions, I found having fun with my friends made me feel a lot better and a lot less alienated. I guess it's down to why they're doing it.
    Hope I've been of some help xxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We did go on a day trip shopping recently and that did seem to perk her up a wee bit, I have encouraged her to go on a volunteering course and she was accepted from it, and gosh what a difference that has made. However, I have taken on board what you have said, and will most certainly suggest that we made our trips out a regular thing. So thanks again for the advise and sharing with me, I do very much appreciate it.









    I'm someone who's been through your friends situation and at times I'm still there. I found that people trying to offer councelling and going to the GP made me feel even more understood. I just needed a friend to be there to hold my hand in a way. I know they say professionals are there to help but sometimes talking to someone you either don't know or hardly know is a really uncomfortable situation. Try offering things like lets go out to the movies or something, simple fun distractions, I found having fun with my friends made me feel a lot better and a lot less alienated. I guess it's down to why they're doing it.
    Hope I've been of some help xxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't worry about it, everyone is different and they take different kinds of help better. I can only really say what I have experienced, I'm finally seeking advice after many years, and thats because I realised my friends weren't alienating me or trying to push me into something, they really wanted to support me themselves but for what they couldn't do I would need professionals. But that was my own decision made after time, and my best friend is still being an amazing support now and helping me through some of my hardest times. I don't know what I'd do without her, and I am hoping she knows how much I love her. :) xxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It can at times be hard on the friends, as I know only too well, and that is exactly why I am so keen to hear other opinions and experiences, as I want to get it right and not make matters any worse. So I do, very much appreciate you sharing your views with me, thus allowing me to understand the problem a bit better.

    I am so glad that you have a special person in your life giving you support, and I am sure she will know how special she is to you.
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