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So what is the right way to go about finding love?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
People at work have been discussing their love lives (or lack of) and it got me thinking.
It seems that on the one hand people say, don't look for love, let love find you. It happens when you least expect it. You don't want to give off vibes of desperation or make yourself look needy.
On the other hand people say, you cant sit around waiting for your dream guy/gal to turn up, you have to make yourself look nice and get yourself out there and start flirting, otherwise you'll end up old and alone wondering what went wrong.
Both seem like the standard advice. I've had both given to me as have most of my friends, which is a bit strange as they are completely contradictory.
What do people think? What advice would you give?
It seems that on the one hand people say, don't look for love, let love find you. It happens when you least expect it. You don't want to give off vibes of desperation or make yourself look needy.
On the other hand people say, you cant sit around waiting for your dream guy/gal to turn up, you have to make yourself look nice and get yourself out there and start flirting, otherwise you'll end up old and alone wondering what went wrong.
Both seem like the standard advice. I've had both given to me as have most of my friends, which is a bit strange as they are completely contradictory.
What do people think? What advice would you give? 0
Comments
Friends of friends for me is the best bet. You meet, you chat, get to know each other without an agenda or without trying to escalate it to dating straight away. Speak for a while and then hey, all of a sudden you realise this person is awesome and you ask them out and they say yes because they think you're awesome too.
Unless of course you find them awesome but they don't find you awesome, but if there was no such thing as unrequited 'love' (or infatuation may be a better word) then we would have no reason to write poetry.
Having a friendship first means you get to know exactly what someone is like first, before all the hormones get involved, and you can make a better judgement rather than just running head on into a relationship.
Back then I was very socially active and surrounded by loads of potential men so I guess you can get away with being passive then. Now my social life is very limitted and there aren't a lot of potential men around so maybe a more active approach is needed.
I agree with this. Everyone I've ever felt I had a real connection with has been someone who was friends first. Every girlfriend I've met in a club, or made an effort to get with from the start has broken down after a short while because there was nothing there beyond the initial attraction and fun. The first one is always much harder, though, because it's the one with the most risks attached. I've had more than one instance where I've revealed my feelings for a friend, only for them not to feel the same way. I still think that's the most likely route though.
With respect to getting out there, I agree you have to do that, but only with respect to being sociable. The more people you're friends with, the more chance you have of meeting someone special, rather than the more people you chat up the more chance you have of meeting someone special.
Otherwise, I would say don't try to find love... Just surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, who respect you, who make you smile.
There's also nothing wrong with being alone. You can learn a lot about yourself when you're alone... You can discover a lot about your boundaries, invest time in learning, veg around in your trackies and scratch your ass in front of Jeremy Kyle eating Doritos with nobody around to judge you. Embrace being alone and good things will come.
All due respect, but loneliness is a state of mind, it's not a physical state of being. You can be surrounded by loads of people and still be "alone" if you don't have those connections with them...
I'd say learn to love being alone, as the only person you're with 24/7 is yourself... Go out and do things which you enjoy, or always wanted to try. You're far more likely to have a real conversation and something to talk about if you meet a partner that way, than if they're drunk and dribbling on your chest in a club.
I've never understood it when people say that, it's an absolute fallacy. Love will happen when *it* is ready. No external factors are involved.
I spent 20 years looking for 'the one' and I found her while I was still 'looking'.
If you are a doctor than finding a lady doctor is the best match for you.
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I agree with the idea that its best to meet people through friends and spend time as friends before it develops into a relationship.