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feel really depressed and really dont know what to do. possible midlife crisis

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
i am currently back in school and job hunting, i have found nothing even though ive tried hard. in school ive tried to make new friends since my other friends have moved away and the ones that are close to me dont seem much to care about me. i also want a girlfriend so badly and feel lonley and jealous of other people in happy relationships. i am an artist and seeking other artist friends my age, but alot of people my age i dint identify with, and im feeling awkward, i feel like since i didint have a great time when i was a teenager im old im 24, and i feel to young to be old, i have some social anxiety and im working on getting better, but when i attempt i feel so socially awakward, and i havent had sex for two years and really want a girlfriend since ive never had one, and i feel sometimes like my whole life will pass me by and ill never have anyone, probablly they think im gay or asexual, i mean im not great looking but im tall 6 feet have brown hair and dress nicely, clean shaven, good hygiene. i seem to be an outcast among groups and dont quite know where i fit, in i feel like finding a church to go to but me being socially awakward is so overpowering. i dont want to kill myself but im starting to feel like nothing is working and my depression has really taken over, i feel outdated and unhip and uncool and old, and unattractive since ive nver been on a single date, im looking for a job so i can move out of my parents place but that has been hard. the good thing is i dont drink or do drugs, but im worried i may need depression pills my mom and dad are aware im not compltelty happy and unsettled in life, but i dont tell them that i have felt depressed for awhile, i do workout and i am a pescaterian so im in shape but my other feelings have not been good.


  • LauraOLauraO ********* Posts: 535 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hey 23andsingle :wave:

    From this and your other posts it sounds as though you are feeling down at the moment and lots of different things are contributing to this.

    Firstly, it seems as though you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to find a girlfriend and to 'fit in' with other people. Perhaps you need to stop thinking so hard about what other people will think, and start doing some things that you enjoy doing. Lots of people meet new friends and new partners when they do an activity or join a group, as everyone has a similar interest and something to talk about straight away. You say you go to the gym but this is something you usually do on your own. Have you thought about joining a sports club instead or volunteering or doing something else new that will mean you will meet new, like minded people?

    You mentioned starting to go to a new church which sounds like a great idea. How about you take it in small steps. Maybe you could just go to a service the first time. You do not necessarily have to talk to lots of other people but go and see if you feel comfortable there, and see what other kind of people go? These are all small steps you could take, but would help you to feel happier and help you to start meeting new people.

    You mentioned that your Mum and Dad are aware that you are feeling down. Do you speak to them about this, or have they just guessed you're feeling low? Have you ever been to see the doctor about your depression?

    *hug* LauraO
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do you want a girlfriend? You're more likely to get one if you were happy and didn't come across as desperate.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sucks to be single when all you want is a relationship but you cant base your happiness on one thing. Even if you do get a girlfriend it wont solve all your problems. It sounds like you are really lonely which I can relate to. Maybe you need to talk over your feelings with someone. Keep trying to make friends at school or try to find somewhere else where you fit in.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well jane its true i guess i have to join art groups and look for more like minded people kinda hard at first though, well median, im not happy because i dont havea gf, and because i dont have alot of friends thats why im unhappy. i have to try and chnage it but thats why ive been depressed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey 23!

    I went through something quite similar when I was 20ish, I never quite knew my place in the world and felt really alienated from just about everyone I ever knew, what helped me was setting myself a goal - something simple like learning to drive and I wrote a list of how I was going to do that, baby steps to the little step, I still have the bit of paper!
    From there I moved to the next step, then the next.

    My point is that once you prove to yourself you can do something, you feel more confident in yourself, then you can move on and give yourself another challenge, even if that thing you set yourself is "Be a better friend to X" as long as it is important to you, it will help!

    The thing is with the girl situation is to realise that girls are not that important to you developing as a person is a lot more important than sex, when you are young and single you have freedom, and freedom to do things should never be wasted - I do not mean date a million girls and screw anything with 2 legs - but simpler things like traveling, listening to your kind of music, and picking your nose and eat the snot with impunity.
    You should try savour the fruits of your life and look at what you have, clear your mind and choose your targets and desires then work your way to them, because you have nothing to lose.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You cant change everything at once. As SnuggleBubbles says start with small steps. Don't focus on one thing that will make you happy, try lots of little things, its more likely one of them will work.
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