feel really depressed and really dont know what to do. possible midlife crisis
i am currently back in school and job hunting, i have found nothing even though ive tried hard. in school ive tried to make new friends since my other friends have moved away and the ones that are close to me dont seem much to care about me. i also want a girlfriend so badly and feel lonley and jealous of other people in happy relationships. i am an artist and seeking other artist friends my age, but alot of people my age i dint identify with, and im feeling awkward, i feel like since i didint have a great time when i was a teenager im old im 24, and i feel to young to be old, i have some social anxiety and im working on getting better, but when i attempt i feel so socially awakward, and i havent had sex for two years and really want a girlfriend since ive never had one, and i feel sometimes like my whole life will pass me by and ill never have anyone, probablly they think im gay or asexual, i mean im not great looking but im tall 6 feet have brown hair and dress nicely, clean shaven, good hygiene. i seem to be an outcast among groups and dont quite know where i fit, in i feel like finding a church to go to but me being socially awakward is so overpowering. i dont want to kill myself but im starting to feel like nothing is working and my depression has really taken over, i feel outdated and unhip and uncool and old, and unattractive since ive nver been on a single date, im looking for a job so i can move out of my parents place but that has been hard. the good thing is i dont drink or do drugs, but im worried i may need depression pills my mom and dad are aware im not compltelty happy and unsettled in life, but i dont tell them that i have felt depressed for awhile, i do workout and i am a pescaterian so im in shape but my other feelings have not been good.