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Sex therapy isn't working...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
had 5 sessions now, and things really aren't any better. The doctor told me to change from using condoms to a mirena, but she's put me on the mini-pill for time being...

But things are no better. It did get better for a short while, but now its still painfull, or numb and i still am having flashbacks - maybe not so much a vision but a horrible sensation. She's told me to go away, get the mirena, and have lots of sex, and come back in October...I just don't feel comfortable with the advice she's given me. Totally steered me away from dealing with anything from the past, and to mastabate more...which I'm not very comfortable with...

Any suggestions what I do now?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you tried Sensate Focus?

    When I had sex therapy last year she said about masterbating but I didn't want to, I associate this with bad things and when I explained it she understood. When you go back maybe you could explore why you aren't comfortable with it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    had 5 sessions now, and things really aren't any better. The doctor told me to change from using condoms to a mirena, but she's put me on the mini-pill for time being...

    But things are no better. It did get better for a short while, but now its still painfull, or numb and i still am having flashbacks - maybe not so much a vision but a horrible sensation. She's told me to go away, get the mirena, and have lots of sex, and come back in October...I just don't feel comfortable with the advice she's given me. Totally steered me away from dealing with anything from the past, and to mastabate more...which I'm not very comfortable with...

    Any suggestions what I do now?

    Would you be ok with me sending you my dilators? I'll make sure they're all clean/sanitary etc before I send them but they did wonders for me. If not I think you can buy them. It's really worth it, I promise. They did more for me than, "You just need to relax" did.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    vaginismus isn't the problem, its the spasming mid sex thats the problem. It can be going really well and then suddenly I just have to kick him off because it hurts... Thanks for the offer Franki, but i'm not sure how much help they will be in my situation. If the dr suggests them i'll send you a PM.

    I wonder if i'm just not telling her the right things during the session. I'm going to start a diary of whats going on and go from there.

    RG- no I haven't tried that. The doctor has been only seeing me and seems to want me to work on me and not the actual act of sex... its a bit bizzare really...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    slightly unrelated, but "mastabate" sounds like a wicked rap alter ego.

    Yoyo, tonight on our stages Masta Bate will heat this club UP in this mothafuckah YEAH.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    RG- no I haven't tried that. The doctor has been only seeing me and seems to want me to work on me and not the actual act of sex... its a bit bizzare really...

    Yeah that's what it was like for me actually. I also had a book called Overcoming Sexual Problems which I found to be more use and had exercises for couples to do together as well as alone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah... been told not to do CBT related stuff... thanks for the suggestion though RG

    has anyone tried somatics? I've been reading healing sex by staci hanes, and it talks a lot about somatics...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, so seeing as my relationship has ended, i'm not going to get any for a while now...not that I had much anyway, but thats another story.

    I need to take the intiative now, I'm going to try and get an appointment with the dr again and see if we can focus on me and my experience rather than us as there is no longer and us...

    So, self-loving techniques? and learning to really be in the moment, not thinking about what to have for dinner, or what bills I haven't paid...

    any ideas would be awesome...

    thanks!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The "Overcoming..." series is really good. Not used that one, but others have been recommended to me by therapists, etc.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah its all CBT stuff again (as far as i'm aware)... I wish it worked on me...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    yeah its all CBT stuff again (as far as i'm aware)... I wish it worked on me...

    If you believe it "doesn't work on you" it never will. Have you tried something like moodgym to get into it in your own time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i was under the impression that CBT was a variety of different techniques depending on the context, and that there are a variety of different techniques within each context, so just because some CBT strategies haven't worked in the past doesn't mean that they never will - surely it might just be that particular strategy didn't work in that instance, at that time of your life. As Piccolo said , it is worth keeping an open mind, especially if you really want to improve.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The problem with CBT is that its a trigger for me. My fucktard of a supposed father abused me as a child, and used CBT techniques (as he was a trained therapist) in negative ways to try and control me. Thus I have been adviced by psychcologists to stay away from any CBT style stuff to avoid flashbacks and getting negative associations to activities which are meant to be helpful.

    I am keeping a very open mind, but I don't want to re-stimulate old stuff locked in my head.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    has anyone tried somatics? I've been reading healing sex by staci hanes, and it talks a lot about somatics...

    That book is brilliant in my opinion, it really helped me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fair enough, what alternative strategies did the psychologists suggest?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    EMDR, art therapy, DBT, mindfullness... but none of it got followed up. I'm trying to learn mindfulness myself, but its a bit difficult to get all the concepts on my own. The dr has been less the helpful tbh, just wants to get me on a long term contraceptive and she seems to think that will end all my sex issues... :(
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Have you heard of Mind Apples?

    http://mindapples.org/

    Not strictly sex related, but might help you in a more general sense :)
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