If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Best Friends, cutting, controlling and loneliness ...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone. I have a lot of issues, and I know I probably need professional help, but my best friend won't let me go. See, she's been self harming for almost a year, cutting herself. I always blame myself, for good reasons, I'm what causes it. We have a really open relationship, I see her everyday when we go to the gym and if there's any fresh cuts you can guarantee there's something I've done that I should've known would bother her. Her mom knows, so does our school guidance counsellor, but she's not getting treatment because her mom doesn't believe anyone - and I mean ANYONE - that my friend has a problem. It's not like that's the only mental issue she has, she takes medications and has tons of doctors, so I always feel horrible when I argue with her or hurt her because I know her brain doesn't work like everyone else's, and her reactions aren't totally her fault. Partially, she controls it, but sometimes the thigns she does aren't really what she wants to do. But I can't live like this, honestly. I'm not allowed to have other friends or she gets extremely jealous, but she has sleepovers with other friends, goes to the beach, tons of stuff while I'm expected to sit alone in my room. She yells and screams and cuts herself if I leave the house without her. It hurts me in a lot of ways, especially because I'm the only friend who's there for her, I'm the only friend who knows she cuts and I'm the only one who hasn't abandoned her through one issue or another. Sometimes she goes days where she cuts me off and acts angry if I call her or text her, then suddenly gets super upset because I wasn't waiting by the phone when she did decide to call. She wants me to stop writing, which is absolutely my passion, because it makes her nervous, the things I could be writing. I feel so lost, abandoned and empty. I don't know what to do, especailly since she gets mad if I try to get help. It terrifies me to think of bringing this up with her. Can someone please help?
0
Comments
And you like her why? Maybe you feel its your place to cure her of being a cunt to you, or maybe you just like being submissive and shat on?
I think putting up with shit like that just makes her think its alright and acceptable. Youre enabling it
You start by saying you think you need help yourself; get it. She's abusing you by trying to ensure you don't.
Until she recognises it is her problem, that only she can change (with help) then there is nothing you can do for her, and you need to sort your own issues out.
I predict she will go mental at you when you try and discuss it and either get aggressive or passive aggressive
She sounds really abusive
You cant be as bad as they say or she wouldnt keep wanting you around
Pardon me for being a cynical bitch, but who told you that her psychologist said that? Was it her? Because if it was, I would very much take it with a pinch of salt.
If she says that you're making her worse, take her at her word for once and tell her to do one. If you're so bad, why would she want you there? Expect waterworks and tantrums when you tell her to go forth though. I'll wager a tenner that you get at least ten texts from her saying that she's going to kill herself and it's all your fault. Ignore them and delete them, she won't and even if she does it's her choice not yours.
You're not doing anything wrong, she is, and the sooner you tell her to fuck off the better for you. You're going to have to be pretty callous with her because she's going to use massive amounts of emotional blackmail (I'm not joking: she will threaten suicide) but remember that she's lying and manipulating you and you deserve more.
:yes: Even if her psychologist actually said that, she might not be presenting things as you see them. It sounds like her perspective is very self-centred and inclined to do anything she can to excuse her own behaviour.
Welcome to the boards :wave:
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard when a friend is going through tough times - but it seems that she has a huge hold on you, and seems to be able to control you by self harming when she isn't happy with you. Yes she has a problem, and it's good she is seeing a counsellor, but it seems like she makes you feel guilty about it and blames you for it.
Well done for speaking to her about this, sometimes it can help to write it down to realise the reality of the situation. You could say to her that as she says (and the therapist) you are causing her self harm and "her anxiety and anger", that what is the point of being together - and that you might need some time off? For her and for you.
It seems really unfair that she is allowing herself friends and not you.
This is where you need tomake new friends outside of her circle, not only for your own sanity but to also remind you what friends are actually like. Off course it is hard for her - but whatever she is going through (or has been through in the past) is gravely affecting her judgement, but it doesn't mean you need to be at the other end of it every single day.
As Piccolo says - whatever she says to you only seems to be from her perspective. She seems to be blinded to her effect on others - and only sees other's effect on her.
Finally I was wondering if you have told your parents or someone older or of authority (not linked with her) about all this? If not, please do speak to someone as this isn't just about her at all - it's very much about you and how she makes you feel.
Let us know how you get on and good luck *hug*