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am i being stupid?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
im with my partner of 2 andhalf years

when we first got together i had a miscarriage. after my operation he asked if i wanted to try again (which i took as he wanted to as well, as he asked)
now after giving birth to my daughter in an arguement he admitted he didnt want kids and only said it cz he knew i did.(which hert) as he treated me like crap through my pregnancy.
he has explained why and apologised and all was forgiven.

Hes told me he never wanted to get married as he didnt believe in it...
he then admitted to me the ring he got me for xmas was an engagement ring but changed his mind as things were rocky.... (although i was preg at the time and left by my self every day!) i now cant bear to wear it

i have sooo much hate for him at the mo
hes sis is now engaged (at 17) with a baby 6 weeks older than mine and they are perfectly happy
and it makes me feel sick to my stomache

am i being stupid and selfish for my hate?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you chose the wrong dude to have a kid with. Seems like you haven't thought that through and should have waited a bit longer than ~1,5 years to have children.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he is fab with her.... plays with her, baths her etc
    i could of waited and prob should have

    but i was asking if my hate towards him is me being stupid or selfish
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All we have is your side of the whole story and it's not very precise either. It doesn't really matter what our (or my) opinion is about your hate being selfish or justified. If you feel like you hate him for whatever reasons (that he does not want to marry you, for mistreating you during pregnancy, ...), you need to work on that, because that surely isn't the key for a working relationship with your daughter's father.

    Bottom line is: It is how it is, you can't undo the decisions you made so make up your mind what you want out of your life and act it. I don't know what kind of gain you promise yourself when x people say your hate is selfish and y people say your hate is justified.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi lil_krissy,

    There is nothing selfish about feeling the way you do. After you thought he wanted children and he wanted to marry you, he suddenly changed his mind and told you he had felt differently. He may be great with your child, but you have every reason to be upset. You say you feel so much hate and this is completely natural as you feel angry and resentful that he initially had different intentions.

    Dealing with anger can be very hard, and sometimes we are not sure how to handle it.

    Have you spoken to him about this? Sometimes sharing your feelings and even your anger can help you deal with it - and making sure he understands your side of it and how this is affecting you is important for your relationship.

    Let us know how you get on :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just wanted peoples opinions as i didnt know if how i was feeling was selfish or not.

    christele - we have talked about it last night and he said in the future when our relationship is in a better state that he would consider marrying me.

    but doesnt seem quite right yet as it should be till the day we die
    and he needs to know that the relationship will last that long

    now i have talked to him i can understand that.
    sowe will be making all efforts to make this a happier place before hand =)
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