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Unwanted Feelings

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I think I'm falling for somebody I feel I shouldn't like in that way. I do know that it won't ever happen and that makes me a bit sad, but I also don't like the fact I like this person more than a friend.
How can I switch off these feelings?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stay away from this person. Only sensible way to cure addiction is abstinence.

    The rest doesn't work, at least not for me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we're good friends, i'm not sure if i can stay away just like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we're good friends, i'm not sure if i can stay away just like that.

    Yes, I am telling myself that too all the time, because I am falling for my female friends quite frequently. Saying myself, "you can do it matt, you stand above your feelings." Yes, I have yet to make this work. Penis beats willpower every time. Just distance yourself a bit, maybe the contact will thin out by itself. If you are that good friends that he/she will notice you are withdrawing you can't really get around to have a talk, maybe it even turns out in your favor? Who knows, wouldn't be the first relationship started this way.

    But one thing I can tell you with almost certainty. If you stay in regular contact, you will suffer, and you won't most probably get over him/her. It might actually blind yourself for other potential people, because you focus yourself so much on this person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, I guess I can try and gradually stop contact.
    Thanks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, I guess I can try and gradually stop contact.
    Thanks.

    I think you will naturally realize how and what you have to do. I am convinced of my advice, yet I have troubles following it myself. It still ends up the same tho, I decrease/break off contact. Does not work any other way, imho.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But wouldn't the other person just find that odd? Although I guess it does depend on how much contact you two normally have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Strubbles advice is excellent, and i can back him up in saying that it is really really hard to follow but it is true that for your own well being you sometimes have to distance yourself from someone even if every fibre in your body is telling you otherwise.

    Out of interest Butterfly why won't it ever happen? Am not saying there isn't a good reason but you didn't mention what it was.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I guess I should try.

    She's my best friend, also a girl.
    I don't think I'm attracted to both genders, it's just her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I guess I should try.

    She's my best friend, also a girl.
    I don't think I'm attracted to both genders, it's just her.

    It could be some kind of confusion on your part, that you feel attracted to her as an attractive human being, regardless of gender. Maybe this all sorts itself out and you can be friends again soon, without any trouble inbetween.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope so
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    It could be some kind of confusion on your part, that you feel attracted to her as an attractive human being, regardless of gender. Maybe this all sorts itself out and you can be friends again soon, without any trouble inbetween.

    :yes:

    A lot of my female friends (who have exclusively straight relationships) talk of falling for a close friend like that. Most say that it was a one off and/or about difficulty distinguishing between close friendship and sexual attraction.

    Personally, I think most close friendships can contain an element of attraction. Even my friendships with my gay male friends can be a bit like that. It tends to come and go.

    Having said all that, if it's tearing you apart you need to put a bit of space between you and her. It will settle naturally.

    (To help unpick all that confusing stuff, I'm an almost-completely-gay woman.)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So it could be because we're good friends?
    It is quite hard..
    how do I know if I'm also attracted to women?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you attracted to women that aren't her?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well not as much as I am to her, but there are a few others. I'm not sure if I just feel like that because they're such special people, or if I do have more feelings for them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Keep an open mind. It's a long game, you might not get the answer today and your sexuality may develop and change over time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well not as much as I am to her, but there are a few others. I'm not sure if I just feel like that because they're such special people, or if I do have more feelings for them.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

    It's not too unusual.

    Basically if you ever had thoughts about kissing a girl and you liked it, you are not a zero anymore. Doesn't really answer your question, but don't think there is just one, the other, or the exact middle (bisexuality). If you are slightly attracted to girls, I can imagine that feeling understood and having a great friend in a person of the same sex makes it easier to have feelings developing for that person.
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