Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

First time violence

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all.

Had a pretty shite night last night, slept on the sofa etc, separate rooms until the morning etc.

A little back story, me and my girlfriend moved in together recently and it really hasn't gone according to plan! Anyway, last night me and my girlfriend had a fight and she flipped. Threw a glass at a wall, hit into me a few times, nothing to harsh but it was more the principle then the action. Now it's the morning after and I am honestly confused what to do.

On one hand, if this is a one time thing, she says it's because I frustrated her so much that she couldn't get a word in edge ways, apparently "I am good with my words" so it was the only way for me to listen? then if that's the case then maybe I am happy to see how it goes and put it down to the fact we need to calm down if we argue. But on the other hand do I honestly want to go through this again? I have grown up with this violence most of my life and she knows this, violent/drinking Dad, Sister etc.

So right now I am at a crossroads, to stay or go? we are going abroad in 2 weeks and considering all the stress of late, issues from both sides am I kidding myself for thinking that a break could do us good? and then maybe once back, we both go and see someone together? she said she will go get help if I stay... but it still brings me back, that I am pee'd off right now that she acted this way, violence is never the answer yet she decided to go down the road.

It is also quite annoys me we had her two girly friends outside our house last night too, because she rang them as I was asleep etc, fair enough but these two always are putting there noses in and frankly that makes things worse!!!

Grrr, sorry but I think you can sense I am frustrated as I love her but right now I just need some direction if someone is willing to talk to me?

Thanks.
Warm Regards.
MOP.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would give her a second chance and let her know you are not tolerating an outburst like this again. Tell her it's because it is unacceptable to solve one's problems that way, even tho you are out of words, that it's inexcusable, because of what you had to do through with your father, and that if you hit her, she'd probably either gone to the police or tell her nosy friends, who btw have no business in your private arguments. Tell her that too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Put this way, if it was a female friend asking for the same advice following an outburst by her boyfriend, what would you say?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On one hand, if this is a one time thing, she says it's because I frustrated her so much that she couldn't get a word in edge ways

    That's no excuse. And there's a more mature way of dealing with issues like this.
    It is also quite annoys me we had her two girly friends outside our house last night too, because she rang them as I was asleep etc, fair enough but these two always are putting there noses in and frankly that makes things worse!!!

    Tell them to butt out?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Put this way, if it was a female friend asking for the same advice following an outburst by her boyfriend, what would you say?

    I agree with this. Violence is NEVER acceptable and chances are if it has happened once, it will more than likely happen again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it sounds like this might be a symptom of stuff going wrong in general. It doesnt sound like its totally out of the blue.

    How do you feel?

    Its the sort of choice only you can make. Do you think shes an abusive person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whilst I think that violence is not acceptable you should in the first instance try and support someone to manage their anger and frustration better. If you just walk away she won't have anyone to support her to make a change, the fact that she is willing to go and see someone with you I think at least is worth exploring.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok update.

    We sat down last night and talked things through, I am willing to give her another chance. Were also booking with someone because as I say there are a few issues we would like to get aired out before we can concentrate on our future. I do love her so im willing if she, I and us work at it then to try.

    I will probably sign out now but just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your advice and support. If anything does ever change though, it's nice to know I can turn to somewhere, not always easy to always do.

    Thanks :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Violence against men is no more allowable than violence against women, its wrong.
Sign In or Register to comment.