Yourself and relationships

Hi,

There's probably more than one aspect to this, but it's tricky to get my head round.

When it comes to friendships and relationships generally there are different aspects such as communication, trust, negotiation.

I think having an overview is difficult as it is a big area.

When it comes to friends and romance I've not been sure in these areas at times.

I think when I started university I had fairly low self esteem and confidence which was caused by taking on board criticisms and put downs as a teenager.
I believed that I wouldn't really make friends and girls wouldn't like me.

Maybe as a result of the things I was told it wasn't unreasonable I believed it.

However, now looking back I can see that rather than me having the problem it was the people who said unkind things.

What I found at university and since is I've been able to make friends fairly easily and some girls have liked me although I haven't had a girlfriend yet.

The thing is if you have negative ideas about yourself I think you find it confusing when people's actions go against your beliefs. So for example, thinking that you are unattractive I found it confusing at the time when girls showed an interest.

The same with friends. If you think you are 'dull' you possibly don't expect people to take a shine to you.

Gradually I think I've changed my ideas about myself to more positive ones, but I do think that this is quite a tricky process.

As far as I am aware when it comes to relationships with others the first point is the relationship with ourselves.

I do think that I have developed a more positive sense of self, but possibly an important part of friends and getting a girlfriend is thinking we have qualities others will like.

Maybe when we are happy with ourselves we become more attractive to others both as friends and lovers.

I think they say that to love someone else you have to love yourself.

I'm just looking for thoughts around this really.

I think our relationship ith ourselves can definitely be influenced by others, but then also if we are able to have a positive relationship with ourselves this has a big impact on our relationships with others - surely if you come across well this will lead to others wanting to spend time with you ?

So I guess what i want thoughts on is the relationship we have with ourselves and how this impacts on our relationship with others