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Girl with a boyfriend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I need some tactical advice here. So I really like this girl at work. We're pretty close, and we go out together quite often, often just the two of us. That's been the situation for about 6 months now. Anyway, I recently realised how much I actually liked her, and at the same time, she decided to get herself a boyfriend, who is another bloke that used to work with us. I've been out with the pair of them in a group situation, because he's someone I already knew. The thing is, she's told me that she doesn't like him that much (in reference to the fact that he seems to be coming on quite strong, not that she doesn't like him at all). This is all complicated by the fact that the boyfriend has just re-signed for our company, and will be back working part-time soon. They've only been going out for about 3-4 weeks.

So, I need some advice here on if, when and how I talk to her. Is it a good idea to tell her how I feel, in the hope that she'll be willing to quit a 4 week relationship that she's not really into? Or would it be better to wait for that relationship to run its course, at the risk of her developing stronger feelings and being lost forever? I'm thinking that if I'm going to talk to her, I really have to do it before he comes back to work, and before they tell everyone that they're dating, because I think she'd be more inclined to take the easy option in that situation. Oh, and if I don't tell her, I kinda have to hang out with the pair of them more often, we probably can't get away with just the pair of us going for food after work any more.

So, tell or wait? Or make jokes about us dating until she gets the hint?

Oh, and yes, I know I've got a girlfriend myself. I was going to break up with her before any of this, but she's out of the city right now.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd probably go for telling, and not-so-brash hints down the line, specially with what you know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How would you feel if you'd got together a month ago and then this other guy came along and asked her out despite the new relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I see your point, but I'd still put that lower than the fact she has told somebody else that she doesn't actually like him that much anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JavaKrypt wrote: »
    I see your point, but I'd still put that lower than the fact she has told somebody else that she doesn't actually like him that much anyway.

    With that in mind, I'm not sure I'd want to date someone who strings people along :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't necessarily think she's stringing someone along by seeing how it goes. I take "not liking him all that much" to mean that she enjoys his company, perhaps enjoys his sexing, but doesn't love him yet.

    FWIW I think you should end it with your girlfriend anyway, but that this girl is now off-limits until the relationship ends. It might end fairly soon or it might not. Hitting on her now you know she's with someone, officially enough to not be "seeing" him anyway, will just make you look like a knob and it won't end up well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that's a good idea. I think she likes me, but I think she'd definitely be nervous about the idea of us going out together (even though she's mentioned it in the past in joking), what with us being really good friends and workmates. I think the fact that she's currently seeing someone would give her an easy excuse not to take the risk when she otherwise might do. So even just from that perspective, I think it's better to wait until she's single.
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