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Homosexuality
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How do you tell your parents you're gay, lesbian, bisexual ? How do you come out at school? Why is it so hard???!!!
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Coming out at school is more tricky and I wouldn't really know where to start, sorry
As for school, I thought I would tell one person at a time but the gossip mill overtook me. I never told everyone, though, as far as I was aware it stayed within my friendship group.
Andd all of the other ones are good too, thnk you
But seriously, there are so many different ways to do it. A lot of people find it easier to approach one parent on their own, or a sibling first. Would you think about that?
I can think of lots of ways to come out, just do the one you're comfortable with. If you don't feel comfortable saying it, it doesn't have to be the best relationship with your parents, all hugs and kisses and crying, it can just be telling your close ones that you aren't comfortable with. I'll tell people I'm gay if they ask me and I feel I can answer without repercussions, but I still find it hard to this day to ever say it to my family face-to-face even after plucking up the courage, even though I know nothing would change, it is just one of those things. I'm sure I'll do it one day, but my life is churning along fine with or without my family knowing, and me knowing that I defiantly know they know.
I can't give a LGB perspective but I can give a parent's perspective. If they're good, kind, attentive people there's a very good chance that they will already suspect that you're a lesbian. Mums, especially, seem to spot these things. It's not necessarily the big shock that you think it might be. But you'll know more how they're likely to take it. hand on heart, if my daughter grows up to be a lesbian (can't think of a better way to say it...you know what I mean) I wouldn't care at all. I'm sure most parents are the same.
You might want to have a look at our article on Coming out if you haven't seen it already: http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/sexuality/awareness/comingout
We've also got a couple of true stories from people that have come out: http://www.thesite.org/community/reallife/truestories/comingout - in this one Rob mentions that telling a teacher at school really helped him so that might be something to think about too?
This one is about someone coming out as bi: http://www.thesite.org/reallife/truestories/howicameoutasbi
Is there anyone that knows at the moment? Perhaps think about just telling one or two people and take your time, you don't need to tell everyone at once *hug*
I suppose it depends on the school though, i dont know where you live, but im pracically in the middle of nowhere... so people were either going to be really homophobic or totally accept it. Everybody at my school is friends though, so ive had no troubles.
however with my parents, i didnt tell them until i got with my girlfriend. Theres not really a huge rush for them to know, as long as your not lying about it.
Just be yourself, dont hide away, but keep safe at the same time.
In order to come to other people you first have to come out to yourself, then tell someone who is close to you and come across in a nice way, not just HEY I AM GAY. Then once you are able to at least tell one person, tell another and another. And then everyone at school will know. Now with you parents its more temperamental, usually with the Dad. You can usually rely on you Mom to take it nicely, and get your mom to tell Your dad, and there you have it more people know....but trust me once you can come out to yourself its just gets easier....but you have to remember once you come out, it is so hard to come back in..so make sure it is the right choice for you... Good luck.
Not all parents are like that. You have to do what's right for your family. It's not always the case that it's easier to tell your mum (particularly, in my experience, for girls).
Have you made any decisions, fire? There's absolutely no rush to tell anyone anything but do let us know.
I came out to my mum first,she said that she had known since I was a toddler. I was never camp or anything, she just figured it out. I told my dad with her support, but it was me who actually told him. He never really came to terms with it, our relationship changed dramatically. I am still glad that I came out though.
I have a daughter (long story), she is gay too. I knew from quite an early age that she was gay. She never needed to come out verbally, she was lucky, she had a positive gay and straight environment to grow up in.
If it was me I would start off telling someone that you know will have a positive response, it will help your confidence. if you get any bad reactions at least you will have them to fall back on for support. Good luck.