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What should I do now? 3rd date coming up
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey everyone,
I met a lovely girl from a dating site 3 weeks ago and we had the most awesome date ever. We visited lots of great places in London, then went to a winebar and got very drink! I could tell she was interested as she held my hand sitting outside. Afterwards I kissed her and it felt great. We went to a nightclub and then I stayed round hers for the night. We got intimate but did not sleep with each other.
Had our second date on Monday and watched a film and went to the theatre. We had a great time. We are meeting again next week to go bowling and also I suggested one of us maybe cooks dinner and she was OK with that!
It does seem to be going really well. I just wanted to ask how many dates and how long should two people date before they become exclusive. I would usually say a month, but considering we have been intimate already, Im not sure how long. She even said herself she does not mess people around and I am the say way with people. I cant see myself dating or seeing anyone else now. We are in contact everyday
I also still have a lot of paranoia. She is a lovely girl and I do believe she is interested, but I have been messed around a lot by women in the past and I dont want to make it fall that way. Its very possible she could have met other guys but my heart says thats probably not true.
So my two questions are:
When should I bring this "exclusive" topic up with her, considering we have 2 more dates next week? I dont want to rush things but at the same time, there is no point dragging things on and its nice to know where two people stand!
When should I delete my dating profile?
I met a lovely girl from a dating site 3 weeks ago and we had the most awesome date ever. We visited lots of great places in London, then went to a winebar and got very drink! I could tell she was interested as she held my hand sitting outside. Afterwards I kissed her and it felt great. We went to a nightclub and then I stayed round hers for the night. We got intimate but did not sleep with each other.
Had our second date on Monday and watched a film and went to the theatre. We had a great time. We are meeting again next week to go bowling and also I suggested one of us maybe cooks dinner and she was OK with that!
It does seem to be going really well. I just wanted to ask how many dates and how long should two people date before they become exclusive. I would usually say a month, but considering we have been intimate already, Im not sure how long. She even said herself she does not mess people around and I am the say way with people. I cant see myself dating or seeing anyone else now. We are in contact everyday
I also still have a lot of paranoia. She is a lovely girl and I do believe she is interested, but I have been messed around a lot by women in the past and I dont want to make it fall that way. Its very possible she could have met other guys but my heart says thats probably not true.
So my two questions are:
When should I bring this "exclusive" topic up with her, considering we have 2 more dates next week? I dont want to rush things but at the same time, there is no point dragging things on and its nice to know where two people stand!
When should I delete my dating profile?
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Comments
If she is interested in pursuing you and you alone then she will show that, you don't need to ask for her exclusivity. As long as your actions and intentions match hers then you will both focus on each other for as long as you are making each other happy.
Is there some way that you can deactivate your dating profile without deleting it? It would be a shame to lose all of your information in the event that this doesn't work out as hoped. If you can deactivate your profile then it would be a nice gesture, and it's something that you could mention to her. You wouldn't even need to expand on that much, I'm sure she would understand that you deactivating your profile was a statement of intent.
That might be a simple way around directly addressing exclusivity. I would never set timescales on the tying down of a relationship. As I said before, it should be an organic process. Feelings develop as the develop, and commitment follows.
You say that you have been messed around a lot before and I'm sure we all have at one point or another, some more so and some less so. Don't let that become a factor that hinders your progress. Yes you should learn from bad experiences but you shouldn't learn to fear taking chances. We get hurt in life, that's unavoidable. Your aim is to learn better ways to cope. If you close yourself off to risk then you close yourself off to opportunity. Have faith that if you get hurt again you will survive. If you can get rid of your fear then you will exude a greater level of confidence and will appear a lot more relaxed and assured.
Just my thoughts...
Thanks
Sorry I put some incorrect information on my first post. We only met 2 weeks ago (not 3 ) but have been speaking for over a month before.
Having said that she has just come back online lets see what she says though she has not replied.
EDIT: Still nothing. I just want some honesty
It's not a coincidence she has stopped talking twice after I asked her if she wants to meet up. I know women all too well and this has happened so many times
Sorry to hear she didn't reply back, from what you have mentioned it seemed like she was interested
Perhaps you could send her an email or text telling her you thought this was going well and hope all is well - and that if she doesn't want to meet anymore to say so? Maybe she will reply and tell you what has been happening with her recently and why she has been this way, or perhaps she will never reply - either way this could give you some kind of closure.
It's hard to feel things were going well and then suddenly the person reacts differently and distant. Keep your spirits up, online dating works for many people, so perhaps put your profile back on, and start looking for someone new.
*hug*
Yesterday we was texting random stuff, and I asked her if she wanted to get dinner after the cinema so she doesnt have to cook when she finishes work. And she didnt reply. We were having a 30 min text conversation, but again any reference to meeting up, she stops contact. I cannot understand this.
She has admitted recently she is thinking of moving back to her home country as she has been in the city for just over 4 months and is finding it difficult going out and making friends. Im not sure if we can use that reason for her avoiding certain questions.
What do you think? She says she is an honest person but something does not seem right, or it seems like shes hiding something
And what should I say to her
Well she did say we will talk later on the phone but guess what - we haven't. She was in London all day and she said she was on the train back home an hour ago. I have rang her just now as she should be back home and she did not pick up.
Or should I wait till "meeting" up on Tuesday . Ignore her until then ?
PEOPLE.
LOTS OF THEM.
If things were going well, you two would've spoken by now I think.
Is it even worth confronting her? I mean we are "meeting" on Tuesday. She has even told me in person that shes more of a text person and likes texting. MAybe she wants to avoid confrontation by saying "can we stick to just using text"
I'm not gonna message her , she knows we are meeting up on tuesday so I'm gonna leave it as that. If she cancels then it's her loss