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An oldie who still self harms!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, am very new and very nervous. Am 33 and have self harmed on and off since I was much younger but badly for the last 5 years. I just want to be able to control it rather than it control me. Both my parents died a couple of years ago and now I am stuck in a bad relationship I feel I can't escape. How else can I stop the mental pain and frustration if not with physical pain. I have no family apart from my children (who I love dearly). I need some hope :-)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi chappers, welcome to thesite. there's no need to be nervous, we are horrible to eachother but we don't mean it :p

    you say that you self harm to escape the emotional pain you are feeling. do you talk to anyone about how you feel? you might find that talking to someone helps you express how much you are hurting without injuring yourself. sometimes we self harm because it's a way of showing our pain, but we can show our pain in different ways. if you haven't spoken to anyone about how you feel then i would really suggest that you try to, especially if you feel that you are dealing with a lot of emotional issues alone.

    why don't you feel that you can escape the relationship you are in? maybe if you felt able to break away things would improve for you, if the relationship is making you unhappy?

    there is always hope, even in the darkest times. you have two children who you love and they should give you hope when nothing else can. the pain you feel from losing your parents will ease over time but it is a big adjustment to make and you might need some other people to lean on to help you through it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, thanks for replying. It's so very difficult to speak to anyone as nobody knows about it and the health professionals don't get it and think people who do this are out to commit suicide, which is not why I do it. I don't want my children effected as at the moment they don't know.
    I know if I were able to leave it would help as it all got worse when I found out he was cheating twice. Not sure he is at the moment.
    The only strength I do have does come from the children but other than that I feel so alone and helpless.
    I suppose just getting it out there has helped in the moment, and thanks for your words :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you tried looking around the main sections of thesite? There's some really good information there on managing self harm.

    There's a fair amount of information available, most of which you can get to from this page. It's generally aimed at young adults, but a lot of the information still stands. Especially if you ignore the bits about telling your parents/teachers etc.

    Have you ever tried talking to your GP? Or in the last few years? Understanding of self harm has improved quite a lot and there's now better awareness of the difference between self harm and suicide attempts so could be worth having another go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there,
    Welcome to thesite :) I'm Randomgirl, I'm 27 and I self-harm as well. Don't worry about being an "oldie", throughout my treatment I've meet plenty of people in their 20's and 30's who self-harm, it's not just a teenage thing despite what impression the media sometimes gives. I even know a women in her 60's who self harms. Are you in the UK? I just wondered because I have had lots of contact with health professionals over the years and most of then are able to make the clear distinction between suicide attempts and self harming behaviours which are very different - self harm often being an attempt to cope and stay alive using the only way we know how to manage things rather than an attempt to not be alive any more. It sounds like things are really tough for you at the moment, especially with your relationship being the way it is. What support are you getting, if any? Have you been to your GP or maybe you are getting help from another professional? Have you had any counselling or therapy to help you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your welcome and for reply. I do live in the UK and no I haven't spoke to the GP. The contact I have had with health professionals has not been positive. I ended up in hospital after cutting and they called social services fir the children. Firstly it was late at night and the children were safe and knew nothing and also I would never risk them. It was not an attemp to commit suicide but a release from emotion. I am however going to attempt counselling.
    When the social services came round, they were fine and found the kids to be loved and properly looked after. It was just the whole experience being horrible.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like the contact you've had has been under 'emergency' circumstances rather than a more calm situation. It's worth reconsidering talking to your GP under more normal circumstances.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm 30 and i selfharm

    hi there
    i joined this site as i'm 30 and i only started selfharming about a month ago,like you i do it not as a suicide attempt but as a release from how i'm feeling at the time,i can go days without doing it,but the way ive been feeling lately ive been doing it nearly everyday,i feel bad coz of my age,and especially as its not been a thing from my childhood,ive only recently started doing it,i'm an adult,i should be able to cope with things right? wrong.like you i'm in a relationship i dont really want to be in,plus the only things that keep me going is my kids.
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