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majorly fucked up :-(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey guys :wave:
Havent been around here in a while!! Been busy with work and stuff, but am now back however for the forseeable future :)

Aanyway. Some of you may remember a while back that i was having issues with my boyfriend. And how he gets jealous sometimes and gets angry for silly little issues.
Well, this time ive gone and maaajorly fucked things up :(

Early on in the relationship (this is my first relationship EVER by the way) i made the extremely stupid mistake of lying to him about my sexual past - in that i told him that it was a lot less than it is.
Since telling him that, for various reasons it has come up on numerous occasions, and he found out i was lying to him about it. Instead of doing the right thing and coming clean, i kept on with the lie(s) and kept telling him different things.
What it comes down to now is that ive finally FINALLY told him the correct number, and because ive lied about it before, he now wont and cant believe me :-( classic case of 'cry wolf'.
From early on in the relationship i knew that the biggest thing he hated was lying, yet i kept on doing it for selfish reasons... and because im ashamed of my past, and ive never been open with ANYONE about it before, and have found it very very hard to open up to anyone - even him, who i love more than anyone in the world :-(
I love him SO SO SO much, and every time i think that we're gettng somewhere and beginning to move on - truthfully and openly - he takes a step backwards and accuses me of still lying to him. Which i do understand him doing, but its very frustrating because im not anymore :-(

aaargh, i wish i hadnt lied about it in the first place!! im a bad person :crying:
i just want to move on and be happy, but we keep getting stuck.
i find myself thinking that maybe its best if we DO go our seperate ways, as its unlikely that his fears will ever fully go away.. but i love him too much to walk away or let him do the same.
We're currently spending the first night apart in more than 5 months, and its killing me! the argument was so huge today that he's refusing to answer calls, and all texts i send are unanswered. its killing me :crying:
Anyway, i dont really think im asking for advice as such, i just reeally reeally need to vent and get this out! I dont really have any friends to talk to about this, cuz i know it would just get out and get back to him somehow, so i cant.
I can picture how we'd be together if i hadntve started all this and it woud have been so perfect :-(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to leave this for a few days and then maybe contact him when you've both calmed down and had some time apart from each other.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First off, you're not a bad person.

    You don't have to answer this here, but why has the subject of your sexual past come up on several occasions? In the context of sexuality, I wouldn't say knowing the number of partners was particularly important compared with other things, for me anyway, I couldn't care less and I certainly wouldn't expect a partner to open up about it if they seemed uncomfortable.

    How is your relationship otherwise?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont know really, he just seems really really stuck up on it! It bothers him that i slept with quite a lot of people in a relatively short period of time (i went travelling for 16 months and got with quite a few people then), and because of that he thinks ive been with more than i say i have.
    He also knows 2 of the men ive been with back home, and due to their looks (and dubious personalities - they are both dickheads) he has decided that i have very low standards and therefore must have shagged more than i say i have as well. Id shag anything with a cock apparently :(
    I doubt it would have been a big issue at all save for the fact that i felt the need to lie about it - so because i did and he found out about it, the subject has just been brought up very very regularly ever since.
    Im not bothered about how many people he's been with - in fact i couldnt really care less, since i know that he is/was dedicated to me, but.. he feels differently :(
    When we're not fighting about this issue then our relationship is otherwsise very very good. we had a few fights early on about silly things, but other than that, we get on very well and every day is a good one. it really is just this issue - me lying - that is keeping us back. He cant seem to forget what ive done and forgive me, and says that he doesnt think he can trust me ever again
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you really want a relationship where he can't trust you? I don't really get the issue of the amount of men you've slept with before. The past is the past and that's where it should stay.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I doubt it would have been a big issue at all save for the fact that i felt the need to lie about it

    I doubt that. I think it wouldn't have been a big issue if you had been a nice shiny virgin when you met him or at least slept with a number of people that satisfies whatever quota has he in his head.

    He's making a lot of judgements and assumptions about you which are totally out of order. Sleeping with 'a lot' of people in a short time is entirely subjective and making out that you have low standards based on what previous partners look like (and let's face it, we've all shagged a dubious dickhead :flirt: ) - I mean seriously, how fucking dare he? If you had a friend saying that stuff to you, they wouldn't be your friend, and yet you have a boyfriend saying that?

    Let's face it, lying isn't a great thing to do, but you cannot just look at that in of itself. You obviously weren't comfortable with raising the subject for your own reasons - and it's entirely your right not to discuss it.
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