If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Advice needed ...please :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone, ill give you the situation i'm in.
I'm 21, live with parents still at the moment, work full time and have a decentish job. Ive been seeing my boyfriend for the last few months, but we've known each other for a lot longer.
He lives in london, I live in wales, basically because I work monday to friday, I rarely get to see him, its putting pressure on our relationship and its upsetting me.
He's now asked me to consider moving in with him, not yet but within the next couple of months possibly.
I love him more than anything and he is perfect, but I have aching doubts about moving in with him.
1/ I feel like its too early in our relationship and I'm worried my parents will think i'm making a huge mistake
2/ I'm worried that if everything doesn't go to plan, and I quit my job here, that I may not be able to find another job etc...
3/ I guess i'm worried about moving away from my parents, as sad as it sounds (i'm 22 next week)
Am I right in thinking its too early for us to make a big decision like this?
I don't really have any responsibilities, he will pay off my car loan, and I could quite easily get a decent job on a similar wage 5 minutes away from his house.
It kills me not being able to see him and I'm pretty confident that I could spend the rest of my life with him, and he feels the same way.
Could I get a few opinions on this?
Thanks in advance
I'm 21, live with parents still at the moment, work full time and have a decentish job. Ive been seeing my boyfriend for the last few months, but we've known each other for a lot longer.
He lives in london, I live in wales, basically because I work monday to friday, I rarely get to see him, its putting pressure on our relationship and its upsetting me.
He's now asked me to consider moving in with him, not yet but within the next couple of months possibly.
I love him more than anything and he is perfect, but I have aching doubts about moving in with him.
1/ I feel like its too early in our relationship and I'm worried my parents will think i'm making a huge mistake
2/ I'm worried that if everything doesn't go to plan, and I quit my job here, that I may not be able to find another job etc...
3/ I guess i'm worried about moving away from my parents, as sad as it sounds (i'm 22 next week)
Am I right in thinking its too early for us to make a big decision like this?
I don't really have any responsibilities, he will pay off my car loan, and I could quite easily get a decent job on a similar wage 5 minutes away from his house.
It kills me not being able to see him and I'm pretty confident that I could spend the rest of my life with him, and he feels the same way.
Could I get a few opinions on this?
Thanks in advance
0
Comments
As for whether you should move at all, it really comes down to what you both want. If he has the better job and the settled place it makes sense for you to move to him, but if you're both in fairly transient work is there anything stopping him moving to Wales?
Whereas I have experience in both banking/insurance and could quite easily get a decent paid job if I moved there..
I just feel so unsure at the moment and its been getting me down...
I suppose lifes too short and sometimes you have to take chances..
I'm in two minds about whether its better to find a job and then move or move then find a job. I'm currently applying for jobs in different areas and have not been called to a single interview. I've been told by many people that my applications probably go straight into the bin when they see I would have to relocate.
However moving and trying to find a job when you get there could end up turning into a costly mistake if you struggle to find a job. Is your boyfriend able to support you for a few months if it takes that long to find a job? Do you have some cash saved up to help you keep going?
I think ideally you should only move if you have a job to go to but that it can be very difficult get anywhere applying for jobs where you would have to relocate.
It probably makes more sense for you financially to move then.
As for whether you should move, really it's a private decision for you both. Work out what the pros are and what the cons are. IMHO long distance relationships can work for a while but eventually one or both partners have to move to keep the relationship going; people will only get over distance as a barrier for so long. If you make sure you have a job before you move, and if you rent rather than buy, you have very little to lose by moving. If it works out then you've got a great relationship and if it doesn't work out you can go home without losing a lot of money.