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really worried
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im looking for some help, im really worried and kinda scared for myself.
Basically I've suspected myself of being bipolar for a while now, and ive been cutting for nearly two years. Everything, in both respects, is getting worse. My mood swings are getting more violent. Sometimes the highs aren't so bad, but sometimes I get really angry when I'm on a high, so much so that last week I got really angry with my little sister and very nearly hurt her badly, but luckily I stopped myself before i did anything.
The lows are getting worse as well, I'm past crying at the minute, they're just so bad, I've considered taking my own life.
Then there's also other things going on. I think I see things out of the corner of my eyes, then when I look there's nothing there. Quite frequently I would think that there's something crawling up my leg, and i have to check to see that there actually isnt anything on me. Then today I was sitting in class, working in complete silence. Then all of a sudden i felt something like spiders crawling all over my thighs and up my skirt and lower back. I couldn't even move, I just froze. If I could have breathed, i would have probably yelped. Luckily the bell went for lunch after a few seconds, and i literally bolted into the bathrooms and just sat shuddering and crying in a cubicle.
I really need help, I feel like i'm losing my mind or something, im getting more and more scared of myself. I just feel like im falling apart and i dont know what to do, but i just cant talk to anyone.
Basically I've suspected myself of being bipolar for a while now, and ive been cutting for nearly two years. Everything, in both respects, is getting worse. My mood swings are getting more violent. Sometimes the highs aren't so bad, but sometimes I get really angry when I'm on a high, so much so that last week I got really angry with my little sister and very nearly hurt her badly, but luckily I stopped myself before i did anything.
The lows are getting worse as well, I'm past crying at the minute, they're just so bad, I've considered taking my own life.
Then there's also other things going on. I think I see things out of the corner of my eyes, then when I look there's nothing there. Quite frequently I would think that there's something crawling up my leg, and i have to check to see that there actually isnt anything on me. Then today I was sitting in class, working in complete silence. Then all of a sudden i felt something like spiders crawling all over my thighs and up my skirt and lower back. I couldn't even move, I just froze. If I could have breathed, i would have probably yelped. Luckily the bell went for lunch after a few seconds, and i literally bolted into the bathrooms and just sat shuddering and crying in a cubicle.
I really need help, I feel like i'm losing my mind or something, im getting more and more scared of myself. I just feel like im falling apart and i dont know what to do, but i just cant talk to anyone.
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Comments
Sounds like things are really tough at the moment, and although you say you can't talk to anyone, bottling them up sounds like its making things worse so its great you are posting here.
Does anyone know anything that you are going thru? 2 years is a really long time to be dealing with this on your own - there's lots of info on our pages here if you want about self-harm and mental health issues so have a browse.
Perhaps there isn't anyone you can imagine talking to who is in your life right now but might you be able to call a helpline? Samaritans is good for 24/7 help and SANE is great for helping to normalise anxieties around mental health - they have loads of expertise in this area.
How's your life balanced at the moment? Do you have anything really stressful going on? I'm really impressed by your ability to hold back with your sister last week...families can be really tricky sometimes.
If you can tell us a little more about whats going on, perhaps we can help?
Take care :wave:
My mother found out about the self harm 2 years ago, and she made me go to my GP, but he basically insulted me, gave me the number for lifeline and sent me home.
Im reluctant to talk to anyone about it, im afraid they'll think im a proper weirdo.
My life's kind of the opposite of calm at the minute! Im doing my GCSEs in 2 months, which is looming over me. Also im having family problems at the minute. There was an incident last week that basically ended in the police being called, me moving into my dad's, and refusing to speak to my mother since then.
I just skimmed over my first post, i look crazy