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Non-spiritual advice on abstinence
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ive decided that staying abstinent is right for me for my life, but its not the easiest thing to actually keep going, especially in this culture these days and with peer pressure.
ive looked around for advice and stuff on the internet on how to cope with the decision, for romantic & sexual urges etc. but it seems like everything is either all religious about waiting for marriage OR if not then just talking about abstinence as a break or something you might change later. im sure that helps loads for other people but its not much help for me if ive made up my mind.
anyone have any advice or guidance on living abstinent that doesnt involve god or changing your mind later? thanks
ive looked around for advice and stuff on the internet on how to cope with the decision, for romantic & sexual urges etc. but it seems like everything is either all religious about waiting for marriage OR if not then just talking about abstinence as a break or something you might change later. im sure that helps loads for other people but its not much help for me if ive made up my mind.
anyone have any advice or guidance on living abstinent that doesnt involve god or changing your mind later? thanks
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:yes:
If you don't want to sleep with people don't. If you do want to, don't deny yourself.
(sorry not much help)
Or is it maybe you've been disappointed a lot and you don't want to deal with the downsides of human romantic interaction anymore?
In either case, why don't you leave yourself the option to be one day in a relationship with normal sexual relations with a human being open? You have no idea what or who will come to you in the future, and it might fulfill you one day.
Being busy with learning, hobbies and working and be abstinent of pornography and romantic, intimate situations with people of the sex you are attracted to is a start I suppose.
im not trying to be arrogant... i know im not perfect and some day i might change my mind but i cant expect that or plan for that right now, so its not really about being open or closed. all i know is i think these things are not right for me, now or in the future. the problem i have is emotions arent so easy to control so im like an alcoholic wanting another drink. even if i know in my head its wrong for me, i need to accept that somehow and control my feelings of wanting.
i try to just get on with my life like you say to be busy with work and hobbies and not care about it and sometimes thats ok, but i guess im just wondering how best to cope when i feel a longing for romantic companionship or stuff like that?
i think this is really it. suzy its kind of like summer says here, i feel that longing now (and im sure i will) but im trying to keep self control and override it. i can keep control but sometimes it really just sucks :banghead: im mostly just wondering if theres any advice or help on how to squash those feelings down even a bit and deal with it better so i dont feel down. basically so even if i want something on a basic level i can say no
and lol cptcoathanger ive thought about that before, but i dont think i am since the sexual or romantic attraction i feel is to girls. i dont think my problem would be any different to me if it was guys though, id still have the same urges to control and try to live with
Was thinking that too later.
You don't need to sum it all up, but maybe give some pointers. I mean it's not mandatory, but it might help us understand better, or lets say, help me understand better, just because I am curious.
Are you ashamed of something? Like a disability, or being homosexual?
I was thinking a lot about this yesterday when going to bed. I don't want to make a rule of being abstinent for myself, but I am too trying to improve to have my cravings and sexual wants better in check as they caused me a lot of misery in the past.
Have you checked out our factsheet on abstinence? It points out that abstinence is something which, by its very definition, is always intended to be ended, and that long-term abstinence is better known by the word celibacy.
Maybe you might want to try seeing if you find different non-religious information when you search for celibacy instead of abstinence?
Will.
hi knockknock :wave: . thanks for the link, yeh ive checked it out. i guess im wrong in saying celibacy and abstinence for the same thing but i havent really seen anything else searching for celibacy. mostly its religious or critical of religion, or at best talks about being in a relationship while celibate soooo
hmm ill try and give some ideas of my reasons/situation maybe thatll help. its a bit complicated so i might be too simple tho
basically it just comes down to me looking at relationships and intimacy (including sexual) and trying to decide if that is something for me. im usually kind of conservative in what i try so i thought about it for a while. i looked at other people i know in relationships and stuff to try and get some sorta accurate idea, and just thought about how my life would be different or how it would be for me. in the end i decided that it doesnt really seem the kind of thing that would make me happier.
i know its kind of vague but its hard to explain really - theres loads of reasons and i spent aaaages thinking about it and weighing up pros and cons. its just like it doesnt appeal to me on a thinking level but that doesnt stop any emotions. obviously emotions can easily get people into trouble cos they dont account for reason