Poem.. (sorry its so long, i let my heart take over)

im sitting here,
wondering, thinking,
if you're ever going to return,
its unlikely

but i can hope,
in my heart
that you're still here,
and always will be.

its gunna be difficult,
but i can do this,
for you, for my dad, for myself
ill have the strength, ill find it.

its not like im losing you,
not completely,
right?
tell me im right.. please?

im so confused,
my brain telling me one thing,
telling me to move on,
to let go,

whilst my heart is telling me another,
telling me to hang on,
just that little bit longer,
what do i do?

i miss your hugs,
i miss your wise words,
i miss your big heart,
i miss you, i need you, i want you back.

whenever i needed you,
you would be there,
wherever you were,
you would be there.

you taught me so much,
how to love,
how to trust,
how to hope.

you lived for so many things,
your family,
your friends,
your love for rugby.

you lived 2 minutes away,
that kept me happy,
knowing i could depend on you,
knowing you were there forever.

i walk past your house every month,
for this thing i do,
it hurts when i have to,
my heart aches,

the realisation hits,
you're not there anymore,
life goes on without you,
somehow it doesnt seem fair,

soon someone else is going to be living there,
in your house,
in your haven,
in your home.

so many memories,
so much love,
came from there,
where you belong.

your my father,
your my brother,
your my grandfather,
your my friend

even though we are not blood related,
we still are family,
i have a theory that your the person,
god forgot to give our family

one question,
why did god take you?
you didnt do anything wrong,
what did we do thats so bad we had lose you?

this town loved you,
this town misses you,
but more importantly,
i miss you..

they wrote an article you know,
in the journal,
saying what you did,
for everyone else

saying how much we loved you,
saying how much you loved everyone else,
saying how much you fought for everyone
saying who you were,

its a horrible thing,
using past tense,
its like we are forgetting you
but i wont i promise,

its scary,
this world out there,
so unpredictable,
i need something to keep me going,

the thought of you,
seeing you again,
never believed in things like that,
but i will just for the hope of seeing you.

they told me,
they told me you had cancer,
the lungs,
you were too old for surgery,

im going to do the race for life next year,
race for you,
i dont know how its going to help,
it will help someone somewhere else,

its what you would have done,
its what you would have wanted,
im taking over your job,
you know loving everyone..

ill keep you close to my heart always because clifford i love you.




Clifford, always in my heart, December 7th 1920 - August 9th 2010