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flat mate issues

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, it has been a while since i posted and not sure if this is in the right place :)
A bit of background - i moved in with a female friend i used to work with last April, i have been a student for 3 years and i am now nearly finished my course. everything seemed to be going well with my flatmate until recently. I have been going out more often with other friends as i felt i needed my own space too, but everytime i go out, she puts the snob down on the door,texts me and usually has an excuse that there is some 'shit' going on outside or the neighbours are having a party. I therefore have to text or phone 10-15mins before heading home which i feel very strongly that i shoudnt have to do this.. And i also work a lot at the weekends on night shift and on one occasion she wouldn't answer her phone to open door, this resulted me going to another mates house, who thankfully was in. I have challanged her about this basically saying i have as much right to get into the flat as she does and i have never done that to her. What she is saying is that i am being selfish as it was for her safety she has done this - but i just feel its much more personal as its not just the once, its near enough everytime i am out or working! Now i have created an atmosphere and wish i hadn't said anything.I can't really afford to move again just now until i secure a job but i have put it to her that i will be moving out asap as i need my own space. I feel i am right about the whole situation but wanted to know what u guys thought and any advice on what to do next - i don't want to lose her as a mate or a flat mate but i feel this is the way i am forced to do things!
Any advice welcome xxx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what a 'snob lock' is, but I'm presuming it's something you can only open from the inside? If she feel like she's not safe enough without this lock on, then perhaps you could suggest fitting a dead lock? That way she'd feel more secure, and you could still get in.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what a 'snob lock' is, but I'm presuming it's something you can only open from the inside? If she feel like she's not safe enough without this lock on, then perhaps you could suggest fitting a dead lock? That way she'd feel more secure, and you could still get in.

    sorry i meant a 'snib' lock which yeah from the inside you can lock the door, meaning i can't get the key in from the outside. the flat is a private rent so would have to ok a dead lock with the landlord.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there treenz,

    You've made it clear that have enjoyed living with this flatmate for a long time, which is rare - and perhaps it would be shame to let this issue change that. However it does seem unfair for her to expect you to call everytime you come home, especially if she doesnt pick up at times.

    It is important for you to speak to her about this calmly, perhaps by appearing more understanding about her safety issues - suggesting an alarm system or as CptCoatHanger suggested, a lock that locks safely inside and still opens outside could be a good compromise.

    If she still is unwilling to change her mind, perhaps it is worth considering whether calling before will be more of a hassle than finding a new flatmate.

    Let us know how you get on :)
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