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Self Harm [could trigger?]

plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
Okay, so I used to self harm about 3 years ago now, and recently I've been looking at the scars and I want to do it again, I want to add to them for some reason. I don't know why, but does anyone else get that?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well im still there, havent really stopped yet.
    But i do often stare at my scars before i sh..

    never really thought about it before, and i dont really know why either. Sorry x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi there plugitin!

    sounds tough but relapses in coping with life happen.
    theres some info here if you haven't read our pages on SH

    whats going on in your life at the moment? any changes or something stressing you out?

    what has helped you cope over the last 3 years? its a real achievement to have gone that long - don't forget how far you've come. perhaps some of the ways you cope now could be helpful?
    perhaps there's someone you can talk to to help offload or you could post here- we'd be happy to support you

    take care :wave:
  • plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Hi,
    I just had a shufty, ta. I dunno, I feel like I can't relate to it for one reason or another... or that I feel I know it all, already.

    I don't know whether it's the weekend feeling - as in not really seeing anyone because all they want to do is party and I'm not really into clubbing and being in a foreign country so missing people. And also I wanted to come off my meds, so I reduced the dose, then the doctor put it back up by 10mg and I've not quite got stable yet. I guess I just have this feeling of despair. And my internship is really unfulfilling, which I guess isn't helping, either.

    I used to take lots of long walks and go to this lake, but I'm always so tired after work and it's dark; plus I live in a city and there's not anywhere like it - there is the river, but I don't find it so peaceful. I found eventually the meds started to work, but I've undone all that and therapy/counselling etc which I don't currently have access to. And then I begin to wonder what it is I'm doing wrong, but I don't know if it's biological or I'm making myself this way, if that makes sense.

    I guess I just feel like no-one understands - my girlfriend is like 'don't be sad' but there's so much more to it than that, and if I were to do anything she'd be really upset... I kinda want the freedom to do whatever, but I know the long term impacts and all...

    I kinda feel like I'm actually being ripped apart.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    plugitin wrote: »
    Okay, so I used to self harm about 3 years ago now, and recently I've been looking at the scars and I want to do it again, I want to add to them for some reason. I don't know why, but does anyone else get that?

    i can really identify with this. i stopped self harming about 3 years ago though i have had a few setbacks

    in some ways, i find looking at my scars helps me to accept them as part of my past, but if i look at them in the way you are suggesting it i usually a sign i am about to relapse into cutting again. i would say try and talk it through with someone and maybe tell your doctor you are not feeling great after the change in your meds?

    hope your okay xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    plugitin wrote: »
    Okay, so I used to self harm about 3 years ago now, and recently I've been looking at the scars and I want to do it again, I want to add to them for some reason. I don't know why, but does anyone else get that?

    i do, all the time.

    i'm horribly scarred and people stare. but sometimes i like that people stare. it makes me feel special. it makes me feel like people can see the pain i have felt. and that makes me want more and more.
    but when i think like that, i think of all the times i haven't been able to go out because i've been waiting for cuts to heal and of all the careless comments that have been made and about how i hate waking up with blood under my nails. the negatives outweigh the positives, even if it doesn't always seem that way.
    you're not the only one. and you're doing really well :)
  • plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    I sometimes see people with lots of scars and I have to confess that I do stare, but because I'm not exactly in awe, but because I just want to give them a hug. Which sounds clichéed, I'm sorry!

    I'm feeling a bit better today; I think being back around people has helped me - after all isolation makes anyone feel a bit down.

    Thank you for the support, everyone :)
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