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paranoia

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think maybe you should have a think about medication a bit more. Maybe give yourself a time limit to try and get control of it all yourself before seeking help again?

    I can see the benefits of medication, but I don't want to end up not having feelings. I've already been warned that just because I'm not on medication now doesn't mean that it will stay like that.

    I haven't said this to anyone, because they will think I'm an awful person but I'm scared that when she is born, I'm not going to love her enough. I'm scared that she will bring back memories which I want to block out and pretend never happened.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi

    You say medication will block out your feelings, has that happened before?
    Are you able to talk with your doctor more to understand what the side effects are of medication and it maybe you cant take any until your little girl is born.

    Having a baby is a unique experience, i am not saying you will know what to do or love the baby completely straight away, but there will be feeling that are over whelming and will grow with time. You said your scared she may bring back painful memories, those memories are what brought her into the world, there always with you, may be its those memories that will need to be faced before your able to move on completely with her. It will be scarey but you`ve got this far, your very brave:)

    Take care
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ella! wrote: »
    I can see the benefits of medication, but I don't want to end up not having feelings. I've already been warned that just because I'm not on medication now doesn't mean that it will stay like that.

    I haven't said this to anyone, because they will think I'm an awful person but I'm scared that when she is born, I'm not going to love her enough. I'm scared that she will bring back memories which I want to block out and pretend never happened.

    If you found the medication was doing that, youd need to change it. Thats not what theyre supposed to do.
    When I was on medication it didnt block out my feelings, it just calmed me down enough to be able to function
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I self harmed quite badly yesterday. My boyfriend made me go to hospital. I don’t want to say anything else because I don’t want to trigger people, but I felt you had a right to know. I don’t have anywhere else to turn.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Honey, you NEED more help than some theoretical being referred for counselling, which could take MONTHS. You need to go back to your doctor Tommorow. This isnt right, and you need to look after yourself, if not just for you, then for the sake of your little one.
    Dont let it go too far. Its not just yourself youre responsible for now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MONTHS.

    I don't think Ella will mind me saying this, she's been fast tracked so it will take less than 5 weeks. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats good, but its still a long long time when youre feeling that low
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't do it anymore :crying:

    My boyfriend is just sat watching me. He won't talk to me and he won't come near me. I tried to say sorry. He won't leave because he doesn't trust me and I want to be by myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so why do you think going on antidepressants would be worse than this??
    They wouldnt be called antidepressants if they made you feel worse
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what I think anymore. I've failed so badly. And I can't see it getting better, with or without medication.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    then you have got nothing to lose by giving it a try.

    You havent failed. Youre still here. Youre still getting through the days, but if you dont step up and get some proper help then youre not going to be in any place to look after your baby properly. How many weeks pregnant are you? You need to go back to the doctors so you can get something in place and taking effect BEFORE bubba gets here, so you can be a better mum.
    This can be easily treated if you actually accept treatment
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    . How many weeks pregnant are you? You need to go back to the doctors

    32 weeks.
    I didn't get a choice, my boyfriend made me go this morning.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good, im glad hes taking care of you.
    What did the doctor say today?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We talked for quite a while; I went back to square one and was able to fully explain things. It was a relief to be honest. My biggest worry was just being put on medication and that being that. I’ve been put on medication, but it wasn’t like I thought. She actually listened, properly listened. Everything that I’d built up, in order to try and forget has been stripped away. I’m feeling pretty raw now and in some ways vulnerable. I don’t trust myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug*
    Im so relieved for you.

    Youve taken a huge brave step, and i know this was very difficult for you, but youve now taken that first step towards recovery and getting some control back over your feelings.
    Im not surprised youre feeling a bit raw and vulnerable. Try and take it easy and be gentle on yourself. Dont give yourself anything to do for the next few days that isnt essential and put as little pressure on yourself as possible

    thinking of you, and you can pm me any time you like if you need to talk xx
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