Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Anger and putting my girlfriend down.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I've had these problems for a few years now. I'm a very calm person around friends but when it comes to people really close to me like my parents and girlfriends, I lose my temper very easily and just go off on one.
I don't know why and I don't know how to stop it.
I also have this thing when I seem to put my girlfriend down. I can be the nicest, most loving, caring boyfriend in the world for ages. Then something will happen, she'll say something that I don't agree with or offend me in some way and I put her down and make her feel bad. It's like I'm jealous or something and I feel the need to make myself feel better at her expense. I've had this problem for ages and its ruined past relationships for me.
I don't want it to ruin this one, I don't realise what I'm saying until after and it makes me so angry at myself.
I've tried all the thinking about things before I say it and it'll work for a while, then I just forget about it and things start coming out again.
Please help I'm desperate.

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's easy to be angry and it's sometimes easier to lose control with people who you think will be able to take it. It can be very easy to take a shitty day out on the people closest to you; unlike strangers, they (usually) won't lamp you when you do it.

    Have you talked to your girlfriend about it? Being honest about your problems and being honest about everything is a good start. It won't be enough, but open up to her- before you get angry- about how you're feeling and hopefully she will at least be able to understand. If anything, at least you might be able to save her self-esteem.

    If anger is ruining your life to this extent, you should think about getting professional help for anger management. Talk to your GP about your anger and how you deal with it, see what options are available for you in your area. If you're scared about telling your GP, print this thread off and show them that.

    Standing up and admitting that you have a problem can be the hardest step, so well done on coming here and saying what you have. It's hard to be big enough to admit that your behaviour is wrong. Now carry that bravery forward and get proper help for your anger, to try and understand what causes it and what steps you can take to minimise it.

    Good luck.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^ what he said.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The first step, admitting you've got a problem is usually the hardest and at least you are aware of your actions and can see how they are wrong so thats a positive thing to look at.

    Have you talked to your girlfriend about this? Explaining to her what you've told us will at least make it easier on her
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks.

    I have spoken to her, yeah. She's the one who basically told me 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it anymore and I need to sort it out.
    I can't afford counselling or anything but I'm going to walk to a local GP tomorrow and register (I'm at uni - away from home) and then see how soon I can get an appointment.
    I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to a GP though, it's not a medical condition is it?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    UNiversity counselling service might be a good port of call for you as well.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing Else wrote: »
    I can't afford counselling or anything but I'm going to walk to a local GP tomorrow and register (I'm at uni - away from home) and then see how soon I can get an appointment.
    I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to a GP though, it's not a medical condition is it?
    Arguably it could be part of a wider mental health condition (don't fret the phrase 'mental health', it's no worse than 'physical health', promise!). Your GP is the ideal person to talk to about referral. They may well recommend the university counselling service, as Arctic Roll did, because they often have the shortest waiting lists.

    If your university service offers CBT (some do) that is a useful technique to learn because it teaches you to control the instinctive reactions that are a problem. They may even have anger management classes, provision at university can be exceptionally good.

    Even if the university don't have anything specific, your local Mind service might well and they are both good and free. There are loads of free services around you shouldn't have to pay.
    Good luck.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing Else wrote: »
    I can't afford counselling or anything but I'm going to walk to a local GP tomorrow and register (I'm at uni - away from home) and then see how soon I can get an appointment.

    I had a few counselling sessions at uni and it was free (not sure if that was free for everyone or if it was because I went through the GP though). Going to the doctors is a good first step :thumb:
Sign In or Register to comment.