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sex is a natural thing to do and should be pleasurable for you both. I would again suggest that you take some time to get to know your body as well as increasing your subject knowledge on foreplay for both sexes. Porn may also help if you are a more visual learner as it can demonstrate technique or if that makes you feel uncomfortable i'm sure you can still get "the lover's guide" on video or dvd, it's old but its a good starting point with clear and concise guidance.
I would also advise you to go to the doctor's and seek professional help for the fact that you cannot derrive any pleasure from anything at all in life, it shouldn't be like that.
OP: there are much, much bigger problems here than the fact you don't enjoy sex very much. You don't seem to enjoy anything, or get pleasure from anything, at all. And this is not normal. It is called anhedonia and is a symptom of a number of mental illness, including one of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Treatment is available, so you should go to your doctor and seek this out.
Sadly, another symptom frequently associated with mental illnesses of this type is anosognosia which is a lack of insight into one's illness and a failure to recognise it as abnormal. So it is likely that you will think there is nothing wring with you, that this is just who you are, that this inability to experience pleasure or joy at anything is authentically you. But it is abnormal functioning and can be treated, so please consider going to see a doctor.
jamela - its not a case of not finding any pleasure in anything, its more a case of not having anything to find pleasure in because i dont do anything that MIGHT be pleasureable, i dont go out, i dont have any friends to go out with my days are exactly the same no matter the month or time of year, its plain boring and repetative.
"Trying to explain how to feel pleasure to somebody who is incapable of it is like trying to explain what red is to somebody who has never seen colour."
i feel exactly the same frustration when trying to answer your questions or understand your offered help, it feels like not one of you is even slightly able to understand what im talking about and might as well be talking another language.
Why would you expect pleasure in going out or having friends, when youve experienced no pleasure in your own husband or children who are supposed to be the people you derive the most pleasure from out of everyone.
I think Jamelia is right, totally. You have a serious disorder that requires serious help, but you dont recognise it is down to you to sort it out
I have depressive episodes and have been very ill in the past but the thought of wanting to change things was always there, even if it was a light at the end of a tunnel i wasn't always capable of walking down.
this is the last post i will make in this thread coz I've tried to help as much as I can but i really don't think I can offer anything else productive as i'm finding the apathy too frustrating tbh.
OP - i wish you all the best and I really hope you get to a point where you get yourself sorted out, I really think it would be beneficial to seek furthur medical advice, maybe on a private medical level where hopefully you can enter the sort of therapy that could take months on the NHS - i don't think cost should be an issue here, life is too short to be as unhappy as you are on so many levels.
im frustrated aqt the fact that despite what i have tried so many times in the past that help has not come forth despite going to my doctor so many times and begging for help and getting a blank look from them like i was talking chinneese you have no idea wht its been like for me over the years, ok i hear you all screaming at me so why havent you changed your doc then? well i have done just that many times, only thing i can think is that when you change a doc your notes get sent to them and something is in that!!!!!
i have seen therapists not just for sex but for the rape and the nervous breakdon i had, the sex therpaist her comment was "so you got raped we shall ignore thatthen, do the sensate focus but because you still have problems with that just go away and keep doing it because the problem you seem to have isnt on the page in the book of instructions im reading from" well the day that the rape comment was made after seeing that bloody woman for 6 months every week and getting nowehere, my husband had to throw me out the room for her safety, he was livid with her comments and her dismissal of a very relevant fact regarding my lack of arousal or even knowing what it is.
we stopped seeing her, but we continued with the route of the doc and asked to be sent to another person that could help, none ever came about.
as for going privately, hhhahhahaha yeah i will meet you at the bottom of my garden just by the money tree then yes? just how am i meant to pay for private treatment? we just about get by with enough to pay the bills as it is now, i wear clothes that mainly come from charity shops, i eat food bought at the end of the day so they have reduced the prices all this to make ends meet as things are without having to find another £300 a month for therapy nevermind the loss in wages from hubby attending them and cost of getting there etc etc
so when you say i dont even recognise i have a problem that is total rubbish, why do you think i have gone to the docs so many times? they dont just have nice wallpaper in the rooms and comfy seats!!!! each and every turn i do i get refused help,
have you ever been thr the uk health system for something such as this?
i have!!!
i had 2 years of going to see them i saw every doc for 3 months at one monthly intervals - so saw each doc 3 times, hey we did get past the name address and what is wrong stage once tho!!!! not one doc ever saw me longer than 3 months, not out of my choice but thats how the system work s here ok, nothing i can do about that is there, no wonder there are allsorts of mentaly ill people wandering the streets and doing various crimes and self harming etc etc, no actuall help available
yes i have actually, u have to be patient and truthful and tell them why you think you need help. it took awhile and you have to be insistent but i got there in the end and spent 9months in therapy. they wont help ppl that act like they dont need it though.
!! and there was nothing they could do either
It's obvious that you're frustrated with the state of your mental health and the inefficiency of your efforts so far but, do remember before you get tetchy with the people on this board- we're not conspiring against you to without treatment from you that you deserve. We all seem to agree that you need help, which you aren't currently getting.
So, take all the advice in the way in which it is intended, with your best interests at heart, ok? We are not Drs though, we can't actually help you, apart from helping you to decide to try (yes, again) to get help from trained professionals.
then i think you need to be prepared to fight a bit harder until you get what you need - if that is true then i would be making a pretty big stink to the press if things are that crap, i know mental health services are oversubscribed but even so ur gp shud be referring you to the area mental health team for assessment and eventual treatment
yeah you have to be firm with them too. i was going in every three months to see a psyche and would be in there all of five minutes before being packed off for another three months after this happened 3 times i told them that i'd asked to be put on the list for therapy and could they find out where i stood with this? i got an apt a week later. dont be afraid to chase things up.