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Abuse - now I self-harm
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi everyone out there
I was sexual abused as a child, aged 10-12, when I was in health authority care by an evil man and now, as an adult, I can't get over the trauma and I can't stop self-harming. I cut until it hurts like hell becuase I blame myself for letting him do those things to me. I want to stop BUT how can I, I hate myself :banghead: as much as I hate him. :crying:
How can I stop?
keep safe everyone
ragdoll x
I was sexual abused as a child, aged 10-12, when I was in health authority care by an evil man and now, as an adult, I can't get over the trauma and I can't stop self-harming. I cut until it hurts like hell becuase I blame myself for letting him do those things to me. I want to stop BUT how can I, I hate myself :banghead: as much as I hate him. :crying:
How can I stop?
keep safe everyone
ragdoll x
0
Comments
I think the first step is going to be to realize that it is not your fault. Because, really, it isn't. My guess is that you didn't "let" him hurt you because you wanted to but because you felt like you had to, or something along those lines. You were a kid, he was an adult, and I'm sure that was frightening. Someone doesn't have to hold a gun to your head in order to effectively force you to do something; fear is a good motivator, as well not knowing what to do in order to stop it.
What he did to you was terrible, I don't think anyone should have to go through that, but it doesn't have to rule your life. You can learn to cope with this, you can move forward, and show him (and yourself) that you are in control of your own life. Ultimately, it is you who has the power to do that. All you have to do is realize it, and take advantage of it.
Once again, I highly recommend seeing a therapist about this. They're trained to help guide you through this, so that you can fully understand why you feel how you do, and how you can cope with it.
I wish you luck.
I self-harm too and was sexually abused. It has taken a lot of therapy to help me with it but I now realise that it wasn't my fault and I didn't deserve it to happen but as I say it has taken A LOT of therapy to get that far. I hope that in time you can realise that the abuse you suffered wasn't your fault either and you didn't deserve for it to happen whatever the circumstances.
How old are you now by the way? Are you in a relationship?
Therapy as everyone suggested is the best answer. They probably won't have answers for you but when you talk it all out, you are able to eventually define the feelings and emotions. Layer after layer comes self revelation about what it is that eats at you. Once you've gotten to the root, you can begin to deal with it and move on hopefully.
Echoing all other comments, it's not your fault.
Try finding positive outlets for your time. TV and most other media (internet included) aren't going to be good avenues. They tend to make you feel bad about yourself in order to drive sales. If you feel bad about yourself you'll buy something that promises to make you feel better or make your life easier. A little bit of a generalization there.
Try to get outdoors. Try to get some physical exercise and spend time with some people who care about you. Find some positive people and work at being their friends.
Again, it's terrible that this happened to you and I pray for the best for you!
Welcome to the site I think you're in the right place *hug*
I read on another of your posts that you have started to get professional help, what kind of help are you getting?
dp