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A bit of everything

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Really not sure where this best fits in. It is sort of health, relationships and sex rolled into one.

Also - apologies for the lack of an intro to me. I find it really hard to talk about this, and want to stay as mysterious as possible! I'm not really expecting anyone to have a magic answer to this, but I guess some support would be nice. I feel like I need to get it out, written down in some sort of logical order so I can admit it to myself. I'm going to try and write in a lighthearted way, but in reality... i find this all a bit shit, (well essentially really tough :crying: ) so sorry if it gets a bit moany.

I'm not really sure where to start in order for it to not just be like vomiting onto my computer screen but here goes:

When I was around the age of 14-16.... I was pretty promiscuous. I don't know if that is the right word, but I did quite a few things with quite a few guys. Not sex though. I could get all meaningful and explain why I think I behaved in that way, but it doesn't really matter now. I had two boyfriends in that time, the first was definitely nothing special. The second, well I cheated on him.... To be honest, it wasn't realllly cheating as we were working things out, and "open relationship" had sort of been discussed. But anyway, I felt bad and I really wanted to change the way I was behaving. He forgave me, we were together for a bit, but then we split up because the distance thing was a bit hard.

But around that sort of period in my life, I decided that actually this wasn't the way I wanted to be - and my attitude towards sex (/ sexual contact) changed quite a bit. I decided that it was something that I only really wanted to do if I was in a long-term relationship.

Writing it all out, I don't really know how the above and the next bit is linked.. but it is linked in my head, and it seemed important which is why i included the first bit


I reaaaaaaaaalllly hate the way I look. I mean, I know everyone has body hangups, but I just feel this is on a different scale. I'm pretty much flat-chested. I guess I have a problem or something.... Every year I got older and just hoped something would happen. But it didn't. And it got harder and harder. Its something I find really hard to talk about, and I know that if I want it looked into, I need to go and talk to my GP.... And I really really want to be able to go, but it is something I just can't talk about because it upsets me so much. And I'm also so scared of being told that there is nothing that can be done. (Maybe I should start playing the lottery... at least then I'd have a chance - well a tiny one - of winning and being able to afford a boob job :thumb: )

So, sort of carrying the story on.... I got back with boyfriend number 2. By this time I was 16-17, and getting more and more self-conscious. We took things slowly, because that is what I wanted. I wanted for our relationship to mean something this time. But when push came to shove, when I was ready as I'd ever be, I couldn't let him touch me. And well, we couldn't really have sex without him touching me :rolleyes:

So fast forward to now, and I'm having real problems. I've made out with the odd guy at a party / club, but that is it. I've been asked out a few times, but I've turned people down and made up lame excuses about not having time or not wanting a relationship at the moment. I guess the reason I included the first bit, is that maybe if I let myself get really really drunk, there are a couple of guys that I could sleep with... But to be honest, that isn't what I want, and I don't really think it is *right*.

I guess to summarise:

-I want to feel confident enough in my own skin to be able to get into a relationship, but I can't ever see that happening.
-I really wish I was someone else.


I bet I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning, read this, and feel really quite sick.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm here to support you. pm me when you wish to talk and be positive. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can unfortunately not compare to how it is having small boobs. Not because I am a well-endowed woman, but because I am a dude, but all I can say is, those problems only exist in your head and can be overcome. The negative body image is not something irreversibly etched into your mind. I could almost always overcome my insecurities by myself (which never that huge, but anyway). I always try to logical approach. If I was a no boob girl I would look at girls who are gorgeous despite having small boobs, I would talk to other small boobed girls who like it that way. I would think about if it really matters to anyone who matters, like a boyfriend. And would slowly and steady convince myself that you are not in a "wrong" category whereas big boobed girls are in the "correct" category. you are just a little speck in the vast boob size spectrum and every position in the boob spectrum has on average the same rating, because some people just prefer it small.

    Failing all that, you could always try to have someone assist you with figuring that you, like a therapist.

    In my opinion tho, coming to terms with what you have and starting to like it, is way better than changing it. Since I began thinking like that, there is virtually no way some stranger (so, not a person I care about) who just tries to be nasty to me could insult me about... I dont know. having braces, having red hair, having glasses. I would either think they are just saying this without it being the truth, or it is their warped opinion I don't care about, because I have nothing with such a person in common.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you in the UK? You can have a boob job on the NHS if your size is causing you problems. I know my step mum had one boob that was a B cup, and one that was an A, and she got the A taken up to a B on the NHS. They even offered to take them both up to a C, but she likes having small boobs so said no.

    Also, like strubbs said, maybe get a therapist? Because, at the end of the day, you look how you look. No amount of plastic surgery will make you feel better, there will always be things you don't like. It isn't your looks that are the problem, I'm sure you are beautiful, it's what you think about yourself that needs to change. xx
  • Emma_REmma_R ********* Posts: 50
    hi fsp :wave:

    Thanks for sharing your situation with us. It sounds as though you've previously felt very self-conscious about having sex and that this is causing you some worries and making you feel as though you might find it difficult to meet someone and form a fulfilling relationship. It sounds as though you're not too happy with the way you look and that's a shame!

    Low self esteem can affect many people, especially young women. It's incredibly common, and affects people you'd never expect it to - even people who seem pretty and popular on the outside. This article might help you understand more about how self esteem relates to sex.

    Being confident in your own skin and accepting yourself for who you are can be easier said than done - it's not easy, especially when we're surrounded by images of supposedly perfect women on the TV and in magazines. Surrounding yourself with good friends who care about you, making sure you get exercise, eating healthily and getting enough sleep can help loads - more than people realise for such simple things. Try to be nice to yourself. Imagine talking to yourself as you would a good friend, rather than being mean to yourself!

    On the positive side, it sounds as though you've worked out what you want (for example, you've decided casual sex isn't for you at the moment) which is great as it's always good to be clear about what you'd like out of a relationship.

    Good luck and let us know how you get on.

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for the replies.

    I've been seeing a guy, but I'm so close to calling it all off because I can't handle it. I'm trying my best... but I can't change. I have been convincing myself more and more about the Dr appt. If I do call it off, I'll try my very very hardest to force myself to the doctor.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can understand your issues with low self esteem,I feel the same way and am also flat chested :-( well done on thinking about going tongue GP,it's a start! I think that your low confidence could be made worse by everything around us because as women we feel the need to look and act a certain way. talk to your partner about the way you are feeling and keep moving at the right pace for you,if you like him then don't be quick to call it off but however hard it is try push for an appointment xx
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