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My Mum

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
so tonight I get the brilliant news of a conditional offer from UWE on ucas, which is brilliant, its a great uni and great course! I go and tell my mum and she immediatly puts a downer on it, she says to me "Christ, thats alot to work for (meaning the 320 ucas points), blah blah blah", not only her tone but also her whole manner assumes that I can't do it. she claims that I'm not working hard enough, sure, I'm not working as hard as I possibly could but then that would mean being couped up in my room working constantly, no social life, nothing else but work which would drive me insane. But I'm working fucking hard and just because she doesn't see me doing this she takes it that I'm not even working in the slightest. Just put a downer on the whole thing

Not only that, but my sister got back from SA a couple of days ago and ever since my mum has been treating my diffrently, basicallly like shit. it fucking sucks. For example, earlier we flipped a coin to see who would walk the dog, I got the coin and was about to flip when she said "I don't trust you to flip it", of course I replied "what, you don't trust me to even flip a coin", and guess what her reply was "I didn't say that, don't twist my words, your so full of bullshit"...I means seriously,

I would talk to her but I know that if I do she'll act like the injured party, get pissy, shout at me and then go off in a strop for me even suggesting that she can do a small thing wrong...I'm getting seriously pissed off and I know I'm gonna snap soon and just blow my top at her!
Could someone please give me some advice

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Work bloody hard, get the 320 ucas points and prove her wrong.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    Work bloody hard, get the 320 ucas points and prove her wrong.
    That's not likely to help with some people.

    I'd say do it but do it for yourself, not to prove her or anyone else wrong. Screw what she thinks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    some people are just like that. Annoying when they happen to be your parent.

    Do it for yourself, and well done for getting the offer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just try to keep calm keep your head down and work hard for yourself.
    Sometimes no matter what u do u just can't please some people and in the process of trying u end up up feeling pretty shitty.
    Whilst the person you are trying to impress (your mum) just carrys on oblivious to your efforts x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what grades are needed for 320 UC pts?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ABB (?) if I remember correctly. Also, some courses will still have you if you don't quite reach the requirements.

    I say, if you want to go there, go for it!

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As people have said work hard and do it for yourself. Some people will be negative no matter what they've been told.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe your mum has different motives behind her behaviour? she might want to make sure you keep working, if she goes 'soft' on you now she might be worried you won't work hard? who knows!!! she might be worried about you leaving home... loads of irrational thoughts!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It could be Skakitty but its the fact of the matter that since my sisters come home from 3months away she's treated me so much worse than usual, it sucks

    Everything I do is wrong and yet my sister can do nothing wrong but I have to grin and bear it because I know that if I say anything she will flip out.

    This morning she dragged me out of bed because appartnley my room is a "disgrace" and said I have to tidy it, sure its a bit messy but its only a bit of clutter, and yet my sisters room, looks like a fucking bombsite and she says nothing to her and ignores it completly
    Idk, i guess that I'm always 2nd best to my so called "perfect" sister
    in all honesty I wish I could get a decentish job, continue with college but move out of this hell hole
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    curly_boy wrote: »
    It could be Skakitty but its the fact of the matter that since my sisters come home from 3months away she's treated me so much worse than usual, it sucks

    Everything I do is wrong and yet my sister can do nothing wrong but I have to grin and bear it because I know that if I say anything she will flip out.

    This morning she dragged me out of bed because appartnley my room is a "disgrace" and said I have to tidy it, sure its a bit messy but its only a bit of clutter, and yet my sisters room, looks like a fucking bombsite and she says nothing to her and ignores it completly
    Idk, i guess that I'm always 2nd best to my so called "perfect" sister
    in all honesty I wish I could get a decentish job, continue with college but move out of this hell hole

    Get a job and start saving, living with that sort of hassle just isn't worth it!

    :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know if it's worth it, but can you sit down with your mum and have a 'i'm feeling' conversation- like, don't accuse her but tell her how you are feeling? (your mum)

    ..i didn't mean that as a insult hahaha
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there curly_boy,

    This situation with your mum seems very upsetting for you. You seemed really happy to get into the university and course you wanted (well done!) yet she reacted in the opposite direction.

    Parents can make you feel a certain way, when actually the intent is different. Perhaps skakitty is correct in mentioning the fact that she could be upset you will leave and shows it differently?
    You say she would not listen if you talk to her, yet perhaps sitting down and explaining how you feel, rather than retaliating to her while you are fighting, could make a difference.

    Try to have a heart to heart conversation with her (preferably when you are alone together an no one can get involved) and open up about how you feel concerning the treatment of your sisters compared to you and about how she "unintentially" puts a downer on things for you.

    Whether you decide to eventually move out, now or for uni, this is still something you probably want to fix. Whether she reacts well or not, telling her will make you feel better, and at least you know you tried.

    Do you think this is something you could try?

    Good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey all
    an update, basically we talked this morning and it went alright I supose, I explained how I was feeling and while she didn't get in a piss she did say that she was sorry I felt this way and said she only wanted the best for me. somehow though shes already back to her old behaviour and treating my like shit just a few hours later...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey curly

    Congratulations on your offer :d . I can relate a bit to living with a parent who always seems to have to put a downer on your achievements and it is frustrating. All I can really suggest is to do as others have said and work really hard to get your place and do it for yourself, which I'm sure you will anyway. The feeling of just wanting your mum to say well done and in some way show she's proud is very natural and when it doesn't happen automatically it does suck. (I'm determined not to be that way with any children I may have in the future).

    I've found sometimes sharing achievements with friends who I know will respond positively before mentioning it to my mum has helped. Also, I'm sure when you head off to uni and don't spend as much time with her you'll find it much easier to get motivated and achieve the great things you're capable of. Even if my degree hasn't yet blessed me with a well paid graduate job, those few years at uni were fantastic from a social point of view. Also I loved just being able to concentrate on composing everyday and know I wouldn't have been nearly as productive spending that time living with my parents. Just focus on how things will be in a year or two's time when you have more independence and try to envisage what you want to get out of university and most importantly, do it for yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi curly_boy,

    Well done for speaking to her about this! It does take a lot of courage as you might feel dissapointed by her reaction. It's good news she appologised, and perhaps be patient with her, as changes do take time.

    Good luck
    :wave: xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just wanted to say congrats on the offer *hug* hope things improve with your mum
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just wanted to say congrats on the offer *hug* hope things improve with your mum

    thanks :) still driving me mental...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hopefully it's just a short term blip, the holidays can turn people into crazies!
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