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Violence
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Typed out a long story but then thought it would be better to ask the principal question and then fill out the details later if need be.
Short story, male friend of mine has been stalking a female friend of mine, on a night out i stumble across them in a corner, she looks uncomfortable and leaves when i appear. I tell him to get a grip (meaning leave her alone, it's the first time I have mentioned it to him as I promised the girl I wouldn't) he goes schizo, pushes me to the ground, throws two punches and headbutts me and starts calling me various names.
That is as out of order as I think it is right....?
Would you forgive someone if they did that to you?
Short story, male friend of mine has been stalking a female friend of mine, on a night out i stumble across them in a corner, she looks uncomfortable and leaves when i appear. I tell him to get a grip (meaning leave her alone, it's the first time I have mentioned it to him as I promised the girl I wouldn't) he goes schizo, pushes me to the ground, throws two punches and headbutts me and starts calling me various names.
That is as out of order as I think it is right....?
Would you forgive someone if they did that to you?
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Comments
well done for sticking up for the girl
Your friend sounds like a right dickhead.
I agree....
Just to make matters worse we had a conversation afterwards during which he accused me of things which were just not true, and I got so angry I stormed off home. Wanted to give him what for about certain things but got so annoyed I could have ended up smacking him myself and i gues that wouldn't have done anyone any good.
Apparently he pestered the girl for the next 3 hours. She was ok as it was a house party and there were loads of people there. I just wish I'd stuck around a bit longer for her. Have spoken to her today and she says it's ok but I still feel bad about it....
Btw. Don't try to make up with your friend. No friend of mine ever hit me, and if he (or she) would, he wouldn't be my friend anymore.
Guess you're right, she's young but she is an adult!
I have no intention of making it up with him, he turned up at my house today and I told him in no uncertain terms where to go...
Well yes I gave a simplified version in order to not bore everyones pants off. The important facts are all there as far as I can tell reading back!
TBH from what this girl is telling me now this guy is much more mental than I thought before. Makes me sick to the stomach actually. She's only 19 and has no idea how to deal with him...
What makes you say that anyway?
I read your question and the obvious interpretation was that you were fishing for affirmation that you're in the right & whiter than white while he's a nutcase and total creep.
Not to say you aren't telling it as it is, I just find it hard to conceive of someone attacking a friend with punches and headbutts purely because he was hassling a girl and was told to get a grip. Not unless you've both been wanting in her pants that is, and she's been playing you off against each other to feed her narcissism, or he is actually off the wall mental.
Perhaps I was looking for "affirmation". Although I wouldn't claim to be whiter than white (who is?) I'm not sure what I have done wrong in this particular scenario.... i was asking a genuine question as it's actually the first time i've been physically attacked by one of my friends and thought others who have might be able to share some wisdom :thumb:
To post "Not to say you aren't telling it as it is" and then say "I find it hard to conceive" strikes me as a bit of a contradiction?
That is certainly what happenned as I recall....
If I was to play amateur psychologist I'd suggest that i was merely an outlet for his frustration at not being able to get into her pants despite considerable "effort". You'd have to ask him if he considers me a threat, I certainly haven't made any concerted attempts to get into her pants myself.....she's a friend as far as I'm concerned.
Your final suggestion is a possibility, I wouldn't deny that, but i take people/situations as i find them and my instincts tell that isn't what's happening here. If I am proven wrong I will let you know.
I think its more than a possibility if i'm off target with the rest, with no provocation other than being told to get a grip he must have a serious problem.
It sounds like your friend's behavioiur was pretty extreme given the circumstances and it's important to remember that regardless of the situation the issue here is about his reaction and that in fact, that's never ok, especially from a so-called mate.
One suggestion would be to air your concerns about this guy to her female friends and just making sure they are all aware to look out for her. As a male friend it's often the case that the other guy might feel threatened or think that you have an ulterior motive when in fact from the sounds of it you're just worried for her.
Encouraging her girlfriends to look out for her and letting her know that you're there if she needs you might be a better way forward than trying to get too involved. How have things been since? *hug*
With her, fine, she understands why i left and in fact actually thinks it turned out for the best because his behaviour after I had gone was so not on (cornering her, asking awkward questions loudly so everyone could hear etc, pretty disgusting given he is nearly 30 and this is a teenage girl we are talking about!) that other people noticed him harassing her, and she has now got her family involved to warn him off....so we're both hoping that will be the end to it.
She knows I am there for her, she asked me not to speak to him or anyone else about it directly (as to not be the subject of gossip) and unless she asks me I won't.
I haven't spoken to him and right now I'm not really interested in doing so, the fact we went for me was one thing but the BS reasons he gave afterwards for doing so just added insult to injury!