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Still trying with this girl
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I asked this girl out the cinema and she seemed interested back in september, we met up but just for a drive and went hers after she invted me and we had sex. i since then have been texting and talking on the internet loads to her, since then i've met her a few times, and been to the cinema twice now, 2nd time last night. I have been trying to find out if we can be more than friends, she can be silly and funny at times, but when i ask her a question often she is just giving me a silly response and then dodging the question, she lives out of town so i can't see her face to face other than when we have occasionally met. I felt like things weren't going far with her so i tried to press her for how she felt with me and she told me eventually that she just wanted to be friends, and that i should blame her ex etc for making her feel like she didn't want a bf atm, about a week later she tells me shes happier and that i can take her out sometime soon. so i told her i would to take her out for a date (more than friends) and she was ok. Last night at the cinema was that date, and i was pleased she was with me, but things didn't feel 100% about things, i decided to try hold hands becuase that didn't happen first time at cinema in past, and it felt awkard like she seemed like she almost had to, i felt like i was grabbing and moving her hand at times, but she didn't say anything then and hasn't today or afterwards. she text me afterwards ssaying thanks for a nice evening and we should do it again soon sometime, and i told her anytime. She said she was going to invite me in at hers but she was too tired, but this was all after the date and i dont know how much of it to take seriously. I fear that its only been 24hours but i feel i have to go down the router of asking her whats possible with us again, but i hate having to go down that road with her, becuase it makes things akward between us. I really find her attractive and i've never been closer to a relationship i've wanted in my life, having never had one and being 26. i have text her in the past about whether she thinks im attractive and she just said to me it doesn't matter what she thinks, its about what i think and that she wouldn't bother with someone that she didn't like.. i dont know its been going on since september but i still want more with her... what to doo? arghh!!! please help someone.
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Comments
Sounds pretty confusing. It sounds like you are making it pretty clear that you want to move things forward but she's giving you mixed signals and, not surprisingly, you want to know where you stand.
One way of resolving this could be to lay your cards on the table and say this is me, this is what I want, what do you want? Asking her to be really open and honest with you might give her an opportunity to explain what she feels about your relationship and whether she wants to be friends or more than that. Being able to have these sorts of conversations is something that it is really good to be able to have in a relationship - so perhaps biting the bullet and going for it, even if it is awkward at first, might be the answer.
If you don't want to do it straight away, you could always leave it a while before asking her out again. In the meantime, you could try and find something else to do so you're not just thinking about her and worrying.This might give her a bit of time to think about whether she wants anything more too.
Then maybe go for something like a drink rather than the cinema so you can have a chat. Then you could say something like 'I really enjoy spending time with you and would like to see if we could maybe be more than just friends, but I was wondering how you felt - at the moment I'm a bit confused about what you want'.
If she does end up saying she doesn't want to take things further then you might find some of our articles on accepting its over and mending a broken heart useful- although they are written with the end of relationships in mind, in fact, getting over someone who you really like is very hard even if you haven't been in a relationship with them.
Hope things get a bit clearer - and that you don't have to keep dealing with this uncertainty and awkwardness for a long time.
Don't do anything to lovey dovey right now, it will just scare her off. You do not have more pull in this relation to her. I was in a rather similar position, had to break it off with her. Just try and be casual around her like she is. Don't try to be too relationshippy. Don't act loved up. She knows you want more. Just take the good parts out of it like she is. If she notices she is comfortable around you and enough time has passed since her last ex, this might run a bit farther.
If nothing changes, and she is just considering her own fun and well-being, tell her you can't keep it up with her, because you feel more for her than that and that she should come back and take you up on the offer if she feels like it.
dont take this the wrong way but it sounds like your too much of a nice guy towards her and im gettin an impression she using it as an advantage over you. youve been in 4 dates in 3 months with her. from experience there is sum1 i knew who was in a very simualar situation than wot ur in, evry cpl of weeks he would go outwith this girl to cinema, pizza etc n then not see her for a couple of weeks again. the reason why was because he wasnt the only guy taken her out, he was 1 of a few guys. there are some girls that are like that, im not sayin she is but i am sayin some girls know how to have a good time without spending penny
I have done an update, if anyone would help me on it please?