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Advice on where my mum stands

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, haven't been on here in a long time busy with you and such! Just need some advice for my mum, i think its best suited in the law place, but it could also belong in the relationships tread, so mods feel free to move if you feel needed!

So basically, my mums ex (sisters dad) have been broken up for 3 years i think it is, my mum has got a new boyfriend who her and my mums ex knew when they were younger, she kept it from him as we all knew he would get jealous (he has always had a thing for me mum), he found out by looking through her phone and probaly the best way is hes gone crazy about it, not crazy angry (even though he is) but hes more gone crazy as there is something quite not right with him, this started about 6 weeks ago. Since then hes been sent my mum a letter saying how much he loves her and hes been saying to her that they will get together, they are ment to be. My mum has no interested, shes told him, shes extremely happy with this bloke. He still persists. Mike (we shall call my mums ex that) hates the fact that on weekends my mums current boyfriend sleeps over and he has my sister, on bonfire night me, my brother, my sister, my mum hes boyfriend and his 2 kids went out, he got pissed off that my sister was even with my mums boyfriend (we shall call my mums boyfriend larry), but yet (mike knows my mums current boyfriends ex wife from when he was younger aswell) he can sleep at larrys ex wife house with my sister, and think that its alright, when that weekend time is suppose to spend with my sister.

One weekend Mike came to pick up my sister at the same time my mum was getting ready for a date with Larry, she had a new 16 quid dress from tesco (i saw the label that it was from tesco before hand) that she treated herself, Mike saw my mum in the dress, got angry/jealous went over to Larrys ex wife house to stay over again and told her that Larry had treated my mum to a 150 pound dress (i dont think my mum and Mike even got into the conversation about the dress) and that she slept with 10 other men since split up with him 3 years ago. That is utter bullshit, and I cant believe how low he has stooped to make her look bad, my mum hasnt had a boyfriend since they broke up untill now, and i was in the house all the time in the past 3 years, theres no way she slept with 10 people let alone 1.

(sorry this does sound like it sound be in the relationship thread, but i am getting there, im just trying to get as much detail into this as possible)

Mike is still seriously hung up over my mum, he wanted to see my sister in the week at our house to 'spend more time with my sister, cause he doesnt get enough' (he only has her for one night a week) but we all no his other motive is to spend more time with my mum, keep an eye on her. I think there has been times since he found out about my mums current boyfriend, that he drives past our hosue to see if hes there (we like on a cauldisac, so he cant use the excuse of he happened to be passing through)

The weekend just gone, Larry treated my mum to weekend away in leeds, didnt tell mike obviously he tried to ruien it, they went away on friday and mike picks my sister up on a saturday, my granma was looking after my sister, but my mum was so nervous/scared of what mike would do, she had to get her sister and a family friend thats a man to be with my granma at the same time so he would do anything stupid. When he found out, he was oddly fine, abit miffed, but fine. Then he texted my mum saying he was only going to have my sister once every 2 weeks cause he needs a break :eek2: i mean, wtf? my poor mum has to pay bills, look after 2 kids on his own, he stays at his fucking mums, doesnt pay shit towards anything there or at our house, doesnt help my mum with the mortage that is in his name, and doesnt give any maintence towards it.

I have use to have him on facebook, and he tried to use me once (about 4 weeks ago) telling me that he missed my mum and if he could come over, and if Larry was there so he could see my mum, it was quter to 12 so i told him he cant it was too late (larry was there, but i didnt want to tell him that), after hearing the shit about only having my sister once every 2 weeks (which breaks my heart as my sister loves seeing him so much) i deleted him off of facebook, i would be to tempted to say something to him if i saw him on. So today he texted me askign if i had deleted him, didnt text back, rang my mum to let her know that he texted me. He then rang my mum up, asked why, my mum said cause of all the stuff that hes done, no one wants to talk to him (other family memebers have deleted him off facebook because of this shit he is causing) blaming my mum for influencing my (which she hasnt) and now at this current time hes gone looking for my mums ex boyfriend, which im guessing to start a fight.

This is seriously starting to get messed up, im such a mess with nerves, i cant do anything cause im at uni most of the time, i mean, the phone rang while i was typing this and my heart was beating francically thinking it was mike, or my mum letting me know some other shit hes done (it was only a house company thank christ)

I want to know, what legal rights does my mum have? Hes obviously mentally unstable, im scared shitless of my mums safety (recently shes had people with her when Mike has bought my sister back from having her) sacred for my sisters well being - shes only 5 - i keep thinking hes going to do something messed up thing like not bring my sister back one day :(

What can my mum do with stopping this? she was thinking about a restraining order, but she hasnt got the money to pay for it.....how much would it cost? what can the police do?

please some one help me, im so scared for my familys wellbeing. thanks guys

EDIT; he has threaten to gain full custody of my sister

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To start with, I'm sure he should be paying maintenance for his daughter. Your mum could take him to court over that... why should she let him have any contact with his daughter, if he does nothing to support her?

    If she does still want him to have access, could it not be supervised access? Weather it's with social services, or a trusted family member/friend. Because that way there would be no danger he'd take your sister, especially not if it was with the social. I think that'd put your mind, and your mums, at rest about him doing anything stupid.

    Next thing, is it possible for you all to block his number from your mobiles so he can't contact you? If your mum thinks supervised access would be a good idea, then there is no need for him to contact her what so ever.

    I'm not sure about the restraining order, but a google search has bought this up http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002 I know your mum hasn't suffered domestic violence (well, I hope not) but there is some good information there. Firstly, I think she should ring the local police and explain everything to them. Keep any facebook messages, text etc. from him as that will build up the case of harassment against him.

    And, finally *hugs* to you all. Hope it turns out okay x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And, he wont get full custody of your sister. There is no way he would. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mum could stop him from seeing her all together, but it would break my sisters heart, she really couldnt do that....i think theres someone that she can call up that takes the money automatically from his account, but i dunno if shes done that yet or not.....

    Well when he does see her, he normally stays at his parents with her, so thats a trusted family memeber, but knowing him, he would have told his parents a horrible storey about my mum stopping him from seeing his daughter (when it was him who wanted to see her less) so they most likely dont have a clue about thie whole sitation, and he takes her out alot so i dunno how it would work then....i'll suggest it to my mum. Oh and also, (i forgot to mention this) i work at a kids adventure park, which he takes my sister to sometimes, i dont want him to cause trouble there, because i've got a feeling im his next target, what can i do there? if there is anything that can be done...

    Because hes not mentally stable, my mum wants to have his number so she knows what hes doing, but i suppose if there is supervised visits she could change that...and i didnt even know he had my number, i certainly dont have his, i had to ring my mum up to see if it was him

    ahhh that website is a life saver! because my mum is on low income so she would be able to claim help for legal stuff! i think thats the thing thats stopping her!

    thanks B-A so much, i will let my mum know all this info!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No problem :) There was a situation a bit like this with in my family, involving my aunts ex, but once she got the police involved he calmed down a bit. There was a few months where she wouldn't let him see his daughter, which I know my little cousin was very upset about (she was about 4 at the time)
    But my aunty just told her the truth, that daddy wasn't well and needed to be alone for a while. There were a few times when he came to their flat, one time he even smashed the door down, but my aunt stayed calm and took her daughter to a neighbours. She then rung the police, and wrote down everything he'd done/said.

    Now, he has settled down a bit and has a girlfriend. He sees his child even more than he used to- and she's even allowed to sleep round his house once a month which she loves. So, hopefully, your mums ex will see sense and act like an adult as well!! x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Harassment is both a criminal and civil matter by virtue of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. Restraining orders are part of a criminal remedy and can be placed upon the offender at sentencing having been found or pleading guilty to an offence of harassment. The Civil remedy in England and Wales would normally be an injunction (as well as damages).

    It is crucial that the alleged offender ought to know that his or her course of conduct would amount to harassment. The court will hold that the offender ought to know his or her course of conduct amounts to harassment "if a reasonable person in possession of the same information would think the course of conduct amounted to harassment of the other." (section 1(2) Protection from Harassment Act 1997)

    With “a course of conduct” being required it follows that there must be more than a single incident which meets the test set out within the Act. A single act will not constitute harassment. If you are in fear then the best people to involve would be the police.

    There are of course options that can be raised through the Family Courts regarding access rights and such like. Generally the courts prefer it if adults can sort these matters out between themselves, but in the interest of the child the court will step in and grant orders as necessary upon application by one or both parents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there,

    It seems like you and your family are going through a really difficult time at the moment. But things can be done to improve things.

    Great stuff about restraining orders from Avizandum and thanks Broken Angel for relating this to your own experiences.

    Loved Up Blonde your mum should seek professional advice as soon as she can for a number of issues. Namely the random visiting times to see your sister, the non payment of maintenance and his behaviour.

    You can contact a Family Law Solicitor to assist you to make claims against him regarding the above matters, if speaking to him directly has not resolved anything. The Community Legal Advice website allows you to search for solicitors in your local area who you can then contact.

    They also have an advice line which gives free, confidential legal advice. The number is 0845 345 4 345. (Mon - Fri 9am - 8:00pm
    Sat 9am - 12:30pm) Calls from 4p/min - or they have a call back service, so look out for that on their website.

    Also, your mum may prefer Mediation which is where disputes can be settled without the need to go to Court. You can call the Family Mediation Helpline on 0845 60 26 627 for more information. Or some solicitors firms also offer this service in their offices.

    More importantly though if he does turn violent or abusive and you or your family are in danger then call 999 straight away.


    Hope this helps :)
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