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being naughty

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
parents, if you were struggling with naughty behaviour of one of your children and there is no 'supernanny' to swoop in and make a tv programme about it and help you, but nothing you've tried worked and you need some advice, where would you go for help? is there anywhere?

my goddaughter is 3 and i know they go through the terrible twos/threes but its getting to the point where her mum cant take her anywhere because of her tantrums and i dont think she knows what to do! i really feel for her and i offer advice as much as i can. we are both trained nursery nurses (me and her mum) and still dont know what to do sometimes.. x

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Naughty step, ignoring the tantrum and praising good behaviour with treats works for us. Mostly.

    The key was remembering which of us is the adult and so needs to take control of the situation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ignore ignore ignore - walk off and leave them (somewhere safely) where you can hide round a corner and keep an eye on them
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its difficult. My eldest son was king of the tantrums. It was awful.
    You just have to get through it, not give in to them, and keep repeating the mantra "this too shall pass"

    consistency is the key, but there is no magic cure. All children tantrum to a greater or lesser extent.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah we always try and ignore, we left her today and stood where we could see her but she couldnt see us but it doesnt work, unless you have the time to wait around in M&S for 15 plus minutes until she stops screaming :/ she is usually good in the house/at nursery its just when we're out. for example today she had tantrums because: she didnt want to put her shoes on to leave to go out, then because she wanted to bring her doll but didnt want to carry it, then because we wouldnt let her push the pram because she was pushing it into people, then because i offered to buy her a lollipop and she actually said 'i want two things' (!! she ended up with nothing), then because her mum wouldnt carry her, the list goes on and ON.

    she does the naughty step at home but im not sure how you can implicate it when you're out shopping etc. ahh. its a shame cos she can be such a lovely little girl i know she sounds like a brat but shes gorgeous! i love her to pieces. im so glad i dont have kids right now haha.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its just that age when theyre learning what they can and cant control in the world, and what their boundaries are. It doesnt mean theyre naughty, although you do have to not give into it.
    I wouldnt leave her thinking youd walked off as that might make her feel abandoned.. My middle child doesnt have tantrums really, but my daughter can be a bit of a madam, and I just get on with what I need to do. Put her in the pushchair or try and calm her down without giving in to what she wants. I use a lot of distraction techniques too and avoid triggering situations. Always carry snacks because hunger makes them ratty, and try and do things when theyre not knackered because if shes tired she'll tantrum over anything.
    I wouldnt personally have even got into the situation of letting her push her pram outside in the street, because thats asking for trouble imo.
    The shoes thing, i would have maybe offered her a choice of which shoes to wear so she still feels like shes controlling something about the situation. Little girls like that!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Suzy gives good advice here
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks suzy you've given some good suggestions :] i think my cousin is a brilliant mum i just think as her and her husband are going through a divorce she feels really guilty about what effect it might be having on her, and i think probably gets her own way a little bit too much when she is at her dads. i think shes struggling because shes under a lot of stress and doesnt really have any friends with kids the same age so shes worried that shes the only one with a tantrumming 3 year old.

    we couldnt offer her a choice of shoes as we were at my grans and she'd only taken them off to show me her 'sore toe' (bless) and yeah the pram thing makes sense, i dont think i would have let her do it myself. its a bit frustrating because i used to spend every wednesday with my cousin and her and we'd always go out etc but now i sometimes find myself dreading the day, i dont know if that sounds like im cruel but she is so hard work and you cant go anywhere :|
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    KMilleKMille Posts: 4 Newbie
    Suzy, Mok and Wyetry's suggestions are all very good and you'll find some more in this article on toddlers tantrum, I hope it helps. http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/beingaparent/terribletwos
    Parents and carers who've gone through this phase will know how difficult and frustrating it can be, so they won't think less of you when you say you're sometime dreading the day. I hope it will become less difficult and you will still get some wicked time with your goddaughter.
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