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Video on non-monogamy
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
4oD video here
"For me, it would break my heart to be monogamous, not because I can't be monogamous, but because it would hurt me not to be able to love somebody when I love them. What could possibly be wrong with that?"
Throughout my life I've met several people looking for "the one" and many who believe in "soul mates", but I didn't meet (well, kinda dated) anybody who practiced polyamory until my early twenties. She would have a relationship, sometimes with more than one person at the same time, whilst the other partners were aware and always be open with them.
It didn't occur to me until then, that maybe just as sexual orientation is said to be fluid, that maybe our sexuality is more complex and that maybe, many of us aren't "naturally monogamous".
Is monogamy cultural, or is it ingrained?
Are there any other people here practising polyamory?
What do you think on the matter?
"For me, it would break my heart to be monogamous, not because I can't be monogamous, but because it would hurt me not to be able to love somebody when I love them. What could possibly be wrong with that?"
Throughout my life I've met several people looking for "the one" and many who believe in "soul mates", but I didn't meet (well, kinda dated) anybody who practiced polyamory until my early twenties. She would have a relationship, sometimes with more than one person at the same time, whilst the other partners were aware and always be open with them.
It didn't occur to me until then, that maybe just as sexual orientation is said to be fluid, that maybe our sexuality is more complex and that maybe, many of us aren't "naturally monogamous".
Is monogamy cultural, or is it ingrained?
Are there any other people here practising polyamory?
What do you think on the matter?
0
Comments
I think it's just traditional to show modesty and not be greedy with having more people. It was just a comfortable feeling, if your partner "belongs" just to you.
I think it must be hard - I read recently a lover takes as much resource as three close friends. I don't think I'd be capable of having more than one.
I don't think having more partners is greedy, but I think that it has to be done in a way where people are extremely open, honest and don't "cheat". Also, if I were in a poly relationship, I'd make sure me and my partners were tested a lot too.
I am.
That's why i put it under inverted comas. Of course it is not a belong as in "this blue wallet belongs to me.", maybe more a "This is the place where I belong.", or maybe not even that. Some people just want the comfortableness and security of being the only one. It gives them a sense of security (he/she loves nobody as much as me), etc. If this security is real or just imagined is irrelevant here.
I don't see having more partners as greedy either, I was just saying that it is - maybe - traditionally assumed that it is. It could give a conservative partner the assumption that "they are not good enough for him/her." and "I must lack some qualities, otherwise he/she wouldn't look for them in other people." so basically the opposite of modesty.
I hope I made myself clearer this time. I don't have a way with words, you know.
Like I said before: I am pretty much in the middle of two extremes. Jealousy and conservative (or maybe timely) thinking, pulls me towards the classic close-knit family. The feeling or experience that I am not content in long relationships with a single person for a prolonged time draws me in the other. Basically I am fucked, because neither way works for me.
I don't know if any way works for me either...
Peace
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