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Awkward situation on my course in university.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
If you could help that would be great, this has happened over a long period of time so there is a bit to read.
Well its basically about having no chance with this girl off my course what so ever. i like her a lot and she isn't interested at all, we did get on well together even with her knowing that I have strong feelings for her, and have been good friends on and off for the past two yrs. I really just want to be her friend and have a laugh but I don't think that is going to happen now. we recently spoke about it, I explained that I felt she could belittle me at times and be ignorant with me at times and that there is absolutley nothing wrong with the way I feel, which I don't think there is to be honest, and that I was sick and tired of it as I thought she was a friend. she said that I have to understand why she can be like this, which I do, but she doesnt have to make me feel like rubbish. she then said she would never change her opinion about me, doesn't want to know how I feel and doesn't want to know when I am upset. she said she would speak to other people more off our course than she does to me. I am upset as she doesn't feel the same way, basically knowing I have no chance what so ever as she has stated she is not going to change. I am also confused as the things she said were very hurtful towards me but then I said following, I really jus want to be friends with her and have a laugh. she said she shouldn't see this conversation as a problem when we see each other in uni. she then said she would be there for me as a friend but things probably won't be the same as they were before, she did feel we got on really well then said she doesn't know about us being close friends again, we will just have to see what happens that you never know what might happen.
I cannot stop thinking about how I have messed up so much with her and what she thinks of me now. I feel she thinks that I am a loser, desperate and have no chance with her. I am really upset about this as I have lost her as a friend, I wanted to be friends outside of uni with her, she was the best person i got on with on my course and obviously have no chance with her. The problem I have now is returning to uni. I am miserable and do not want to interact with anyone at the moment. I have seen her since the conversation and it was really awkward, i am very miserable at the moment which just isnt helping things what so ever and I keep going over in my head that being miserable is just going to push her away. when she trys to be nice with me I think it is just because of pity and not the fact that she wants to be my friend. i don't what to do when i see her now....I regret things that I have done and the fact she said she thought we got on really well together like me has made it harder. Being her friend again I do not know if this will ever be, even after a few weeks. But she did say she shouldn’t see this as a problem and that you don’t know how things will pan out.
My problem is I try too hard with people at times and especially with her so just pushed her away. I just want to be happy around her as I only see her in uni and probably only will now. That way when a few weeks pass and things do not get any better, then I can put it down to her not accepting me as a friend and not me being miserable. She did say she was really sorry that she doesn’t feel the same way. We did get on really well together and she also stated that herself.
If you could please look at all the above carefully and give me your opinion I would really appreciate it.
Cheers.
Well its basically about having no chance with this girl off my course what so ever. i like her a lot and she isn't interested at all, we did get on well together even with her knowing that I have strong feelings for her, and have been good friends on and off for the past two yrs. I really just want to be her friend and have a laugh but I don't think that is going to happen now. we recently spoke about it, I explained that I felt she could belittle me at times and be ignorant with me at times and that there is absolutley nothing wrong with the way I feel, which I don't think there is to be honest, and that I was sick and tired of it as I thought she was a friend. she said that I have to understand why she can be like this, which I do, but she doesnt have to make me feel like rubbish. she then said she would never change her opinion about me, doesn't want to know how I feel and doesn't want to know when I am upset. she said she would speak to other people more off our course than she does to me. I am upset as she doesn't feel the same way, basically knowing I have no chance what so ever as she has stated she is not going to change. I am also confused as the things she said were very hurtful towards me but then I said following, I really jus want to be friends with her and have a laugh. she said she shouldn't see this conversation as a problem when we see each other in uni. she then said she would be there for me as a friend but things probably won't be the same as they were before, she did feel we got on really well then said she doesn't know about us being close friends again, we will just have to see what happens that you never know what might happen.
I cannot stop thinking about how I have messed up so much with her and what she thinks of me now. I feel she thinks that I am a loser, desperate and have no chance with her. I am really upset about this as I have lost her as a friend, I wanted to be friends outside of uni with her, she was the best person i got on with on my course and obviously have no chance with her. The problem I have now is returning to uni. I am miserable and do not want to interact with anyone at the moment. I have seen her since the conversation and it was really awkward, i am very miserable at the moment which just isnt helping things what so ever and I keep going over in my head that being miserable is just going to push her away. when she trys to be nice with me I think it is just because of pity and not the fact that she wants to be my friend. i don't what to do when i see her now....I regret things that I have done and the fact she said she thought we got on really well together like me has made it harder. Being her friend again I do not know if this will ever be, even after a few weeks. But she did say she shouldn’t see this as a problem and that you don’t know how things will pan out.
My problem is I try too hard with people at times and especially with her so just pushed her away. I just want to be happy around her as I only see her in uni and probably only will now. That way when a few weeks pass and things do not get any better, then I can put it down to her not accepting me as a friend and not me being miserable. She did say she was really sorry that she doesn’t feel the same way. We did get on really well together and she also stated that herself.
If you could please look at all the above carefully and give me your opinion I would really appreciate it.
Cheers.
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Comments
Welcome to the boards :wave: There's loads of great people on here who can offer opinions and perspective on things that are going on for you.
From your question, it sounds like you have really liked a girl on your course for a while - but up until recently you were good friends without her knowing that you had feelings for her. However, you did feel that she could belittle you at times and sometimes you didn't like her attitude towards you. Quite recently you spoke about this and she said some things that hurt you, including the fact that she doesnt have feelings for you in the same way you do for her. You feel that your friendship has changed as a result and you're really miserable about how you think she feels about you and about the idea of returning to uni where she is - it sounds like you keep going over and over things in your head as well.
First of all, it's worth remembering that sometimes friendships at university do go through difficult patches - especially when there are strong feelings involved and, hard as it might be, perhaps just giving things some time is the way to make things easier and gradually you might be able to rebuild the friendship you had. It might not be exactly the same, but it might be different in new ways, perhaps even positive ones now you have been able to get all this out in the open.
In the meantime, one way of taking the pressure off her and to help yourself feel less miserable might be to plan to try and spend sometime meeting new people or doing things that don't involve her. There is always the chance to try out and get involved in new things at the start of a new term - maybe this could take your mind off things.
Are you miserable for other reasons apart from the situation with her? Do you have anyone you can talk to about feeling low? It might even be worth contacting a counsellor at uni to chat things through with if you continue to feel miserable.
Hope you are feeling ok today - let us know how you are getting on *hug*
You need to have other friendships which are more simple as this one seems messy. Is there any way you can try to connect with different people?
I have said to myself I will give it a few weeks and not contact her etc and see how it goes. If it does not change then I really can not be bothered with her anymore as I feel I have done nothing wrong and will break all ties with her facebook etc.