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starting to feel hopeless and jealous cause i cant talk to women.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
i had something tonite that really hit home and made me jealous as hell. my friend and i ate at a restuarant and the waitress there smiled an talked to my friend and was overly friendly to him and when she turned to me her smile came right off her face and she made no conversation with me like i was awful to look at or something. and what the hurt the most is my "friend" and ill use that word very losely since im finding out he's less and less of a friend every time i see him because he's obnoxious, really rubbed it in my face that the waitress was fliritng with him and how he's going to go back to the restuarant and chat her up more. and what hurts is i feel i look better then he does(not that there is a standard of beauty at all because thats subjective) but im skinny tall and have brown hair and short hair and clean shaven, he has a beard and is chubby and what bugs me is that he is obnoxious and now a friend of an ex friend i had and he talks dirt about me to this guy and i feel im a nicer guy then this loser. what annoys me is im 23 and not bad looking and never have had a gf and partly im very shy with women. also what bugs me is im a regular at this restuarant and now i dont wanna go back because it brings back all this stuff. i feel annoyed and hurt and jealous, why dont women ever wanna flirt with me im tall goodlooking smart and kind and senseitve(not to sound cocky or anything but its who i am):grump: :banghead: :shocking: :no:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you dance? If you go to partner dance classes like salsa, you will get a chance to meet women. Especially ifyou sign up for a course that runs week to week, everyone will be shy to start with but by the end you'll all be chatting.

    If your 'friend' calls you a loser, find some new friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Attractiveness is subjective. It sounds as though your issue is confidence not actual looks so try working on that. Easier said than done I'm sure but try working on your conversational skills without the aim of pulling. Build up your ability to talk to strangers both men and women, talk to people on bus journeys/train stations/shop queues/anywhere, and about anything.
    Aim to just be friendly without any hidden agendas and eventually talking to women with the intention of pulling them won't seem so difficult anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    true im gonna end my friendship cause obviously he's causing trouble and being mean and creating problems. and i will work on my confidence level with talking to women.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try not looking at women as something to pull as you're putting pressure on yourself. I take it you don't have a problem talking to other men that you don't know? Just treat new women you meet exactly as you would new men, just have a general conversation about anything. If something develops then great but don't put pressure on yourself otherwise you'll get nervous and close up.

    Have a night out with some friends and get chatting to some women in a bar, that way it'll be easier to start a conversation and there will be less pressure because you're in a group.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to be harsh here. What makes you think that women would naturally prefer a tall skinny guy to a chubby bearded guy? Looks have very little to do with attraction.

    Ever hear Shania Twain's song, "That don't impress me much"?
    Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
    That don't impress me much
    So you got the brain but have you got the touch
    Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
    But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
    That don't impress me much

    I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
    And a comb up his sleeve-just in case
    And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
    'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place
    .....

    Okay, so you're Brad Pitt
    That don't impress me much
    So you got the looks but have you got the touch
    Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
    But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
    That don't impress me much

    ....

    Don't dump your friend for being more attractive to women than you are. Watch him and learn. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im tall goodlooking smart and kind and senseitve(not to sound cocky or anything but its who i am):grump: :banghead: :shocking: :no:

    I'm short, so-so looking, physical weak, have glasses and braces and am currently involved with a very good-looking, mature woman with ambition, goals and a career ahead.

    I got this all, by just being who I am. Seriously. Sounds so cliché, but I did not expect anything and just was jokey, funny, charismatic me, and it was all it took for her to realize how great I am.

    It doesn't matter, what kind of exotic puzzle piece you are. Others don't care about your special form and what is printed on you, you need to fit to their puzzle piece, that's all.

    Never said it was easy to find, but it's definitely not something you can force.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This isn't meant offensively, but you come across as a bit arrogant. Is this the way you seem to women in real life? because confidence is a good thing, but arrogance just isn't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OP, this at least is how I view dating:

    - be yourself
    - treat women as normal people
    - don't idolise women, nor anybody else for that matter

    I think a lot of younger guys get nervous since they see women as kind of untouchable. But they're not, they're human just as you and I are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    This isn't meant offensively, but you come across as a bit arrogant. Is this the way you seem to women in real life? because confidence is a good thing, but arrogance just isn't.

    im not arrogant at all im shy and can barely talk to women so how can i be arrogant?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rosierawrz wrote: »
    hiya :)
    well that guy you were with seems a right douche and not a mate at all so don't bother with him anymore.
    i know a few really good looking lads- who i have even fancied and they haven't really spoke to women or had the confidence.
    i know ur not boasting about ur looks and stuff so if you feel that way try and get out there ; D
    and you never know some women may be exactly the same as you are...i think that with a guy i fancied...i never asked him to places because i felt too shy but then i thought he may be feeling the exact same.
    i hope you meet somebody soon because it seems like you deserve someone unlike ur ''mate'' who is probably doing it to show off like a teenage boy,,,not anything serious.
    good luck *hug* *hug* *hug*
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    thank you you have positive advice
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to be harsh here. What makes you think that women would naturally prefer a tall skinny guy to a chubby bearded guy? Looks have very little to do with attraction.

    Ever hear Shania Twain's song, "That don't impress me much"?


    Don't dump your friend for being more attractive to women than you are. Watch him and learn. :thumb:

    first off if you read my post i said "attraction is subjective" im not saying im better looking then him because im tall and have a full head of hair, and secondly im not friends with him anymore since he is a cruel and mean person maybe women will take alook at that and he dosent have much successes with women so when he had this successes he needed to be a big baby and gloat about it rather then showing some class and being a gentleman. When i get a gf or a womanw ho flirts with me i wont need to show off to other people i will know it myself but thats just the diffrence between a big classless baby and a gentleman. i have confidence issues and im sorry for dissapointing you but i think i am better looking then him and not because of artifical stuff but because i am a nice person with a career path in mind and going to school looking for a job and im positive. iam the furthest thing from macho or overconfident as you know but i dont feel the need to make other people feel bad because i myself have confidence issues like he does.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for all the postive advice, and to the people who got offended if you read my post i wasint saying im better looking because i have those attributes and im the furthest thing from cocky. im shy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    first off if you read my post i said "attraction is subjective" im not saying im better looking then him because im tall and have a full head of hair, and secondly im not friends with him anymore since he is a cruel and mean person maybe women will take alook at that and he dosent have much successes with women so when he had this successes he needed to be a big baby and gloat about it rather then showing some class and being a gentleman. When i get a gf or a womanw ho flirts with me i wont need to show off to other people i will know it myself but thats just the diffrence between a big classless baby and a gentleman. i have confidence issues and im sorry for dissapointing you but i think i am better looking then him and not because of artifical stuff but because i am a nice person with a career path in mind and going to school looking for a job and im positive. iam the furthest thing from macho or overconfident as you know but i dont feel the need to make other people feel bad because i myself have confidence issues like he does.

    Whoa! :no:

    It seems I rattled your cage. You may think you are a nice person with a positive attitude, but it doesn't show from this post. And, evidently, that is not the message you are sending out to women. You come across as being jealous and angry and ever so slightly immature. Not attractive traits in anyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    depends. attraction is not always logical. the op should probably find girls like himself, since there are no real rules in dating.

    People talk about looks, but it's relative. and people may pooh-pooh that as being too PC, but think about it, some men like long hair over short hair, height, ethnicity, etc. this is despite what the general attitude of attractiveness is.

    also, personality is subjective too. Being loud or outgoing is not the sole key to dating. people like different traits in others.

    if the OP has trouble talking to women, he needs to stop putting fit women on a pedestal. this is the main reason why guys have such problems. His mate attracts women since they like bad guys. nice guys often finish last. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kira wrote: »
    His mate attracts women since they like bad guys. nice guys often finish last. :thumb:

    His mate attracts women because he is a good flirt and fun to be around, I expect. Just plain "nice", without an element of wit or mischief, just doesn't cut it for me.
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