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how does one get a friends with benefits?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is a winding story, but about six months ago i met a woman online, and since then I have been chatting with her on MSN.
She is pretty, and from what i see seems nice. But I don't want a relationship with her since she has a son, and i don't connect with kids well. If we ever got serious, i couldn't handle helping her raise her son.
the thing is though that, well, we have decided to go out sometime, to the cinema or something, and I want to get to know her better, but I want to know how to bring up the friends with benefits thing, and when to do so.
I don't want to use her, since this is bad and I don't think it's right to use people. But i don't think we have a connection yet (or at least as strong) for me to ask her.
In essence, I'd like to be close with her, but her son (who no fault of his own, he has done nothing to me) is in the way, I don't connect well with kids. But the only way I can think of being close is a friends with benefits thing, since I like her a lot. Is my reasoning off? :chin:
She is pretty, and from what i see seems nice. But I don't want a relationship with her since she has a son, and i don't connect with kids well. If we ever got serious, i couldn't handle helping her raise her son.
the thing is though that, well, we have decided to go out sometime, to the cinema or something, and I want to get to know her better, but I want to know how to bring up the friends with benefits thing, and when to do so.
I don't want to use her, since this is bad and I don't think it's right to use people. But i don't think we have a connection yet (or at least as strong) for me to ask her.
In essence, I'd like to be close with her, but her son (who no fault of his own, he has done nothing to me) is in the way, I don't connect well with kids. But the only way I can think of being close is a friends with benefits thing, since I like her a lot. Is my reasoning off? :chin:
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Comments
If you don't feel like you have a connection yet, I'd advise you not to go there. 'Friends with benefits' can occasionally work (I think it was katralla who described having an insanely healthy-sounding fuck buddy situation) but usually someone ends up getting too emotionally involved.
Do you have to make it a sexual relationship? Has she hinted that she wants a relationship with you? If she's aiming for love and gets offered a regular fiddle instead, she's going to be pretty hurt, especially if it's because of her son.
I'd suggest winding this down to a friendship level and getting your jollies elsewhere.
Boom boom!
POTW!
Well played.
I'm afraid I can't help the original poster, but good luck?
I think meeting for the cinema maybe a meal etc is a great idea.
You will have to accept that her son is likely to always come before you in her life, if you dont want a serious relationship then i guess it would be wise to let her know where you stand early on but not this early as it might frighten her off.
She may well be very happy to be a friend with benefits and there is nothing wrong with that in my book but the question is does she want the same?
I would have a couple of dates and then just lay my cards on the table you really have no other choice as you either both want the same thing or it will not last and if you work this out early enough al least you can remain friends.
Good luck x
so basicly your looking for a fook buddy.
if you know there is no chance with this woman cos of her son then stop now don't lead her on and check out the internet for no strings sex fun.
Sounds like a good plan :yes:
it's hard since everybody my age still has the school mentality. and i cannot connect with people well. and when I meet people they annoy me since they always expect me to instantly approve of them and accept me into my good books. It's always the same "you don't know me!" or "you ain't go no reason to dislike me!" People are just too hypocritical and dishonest.
Whenever I click with a girl (and vice versa) she happens to be older than me. I don't know why.
no i don't.
You just hang with the wrong people, that's all. Don't start generalizing again. I wouldn't like the people you describe either, yet I have friends I relish.
This statement is exceptionally superior and judgemental.
Pot, kettle, etc.
It's deliciously ironic to complain that you don't like and can't be friends with a huge group of people - everyone your age - because they are "too judgemental and superior". Can you really not see that?
It's a bit like saying "I can't stand French people, they are so prejudiced and bigoted".