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Knowing when to stand your ground and when to compromise

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
A lot of arguments are my fault, and in those cases I'd compromise. However sometimes I feel like I'm in the right, and don't think I should necessarily compromise. But when those issues turn out to be ones where my girlfriend also feels strongly about them, it becomes a stalemate.

How should these be resolved? Should I just accept that if she feels just as strongly as I do, then it stands to reason that it might just be a matter of opinion or 50/50? Is her being adamant I'm wrong, in itself, a reason to compromise on what I feel is something I shouldn't?


*Just to add, we're in a long-distance relationship and this seems to amplify stupid arguments. It might seem trivial to be asking this, but it's difficult to know how to deal with it sometimes.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    However sometimes I feel like I'm in the right, and don't think I should necessarily compromise. But when those issues turn out to be ones where my girlfriend also feels strongly about them, it becomes a stalemate.

    How should these be resolved? Should I just accept that if she feels just as strongly as I do, then it stands to reason that it might just be a matter of opinion or 50/50? Is her being adamant I'm wrong, in itself, a reason to compromise on what I feel is something I shouldn't?


    Just to point out the obvious: when she is adamant that you are wrong, and you are adamant that she is, compromise is the only way out. You can't both stand your ground forever; something has to give. Possibly the relationship, if the issue is such a deal breaker that neither of you will budge.

    But it's difficult to answer such questions in the hypothetical - whether I think you ought to compromise or ought to stand your ground will depend on the issue at stake. Is there a specific disagreement you have in mind?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How should these be resolved?

    Arbitration?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    - State out the facts of the argument
    - See if possible if anybody is legitimately in the wrong
    - Come to a win-win scenario
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's only one way to settle this:

    HarryHill_fight-1.jpg
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jamelia wrote: »
    Just to point out the obvious: when she is adamant that you are wrong, and you are adamant that she is, compromise is the only way out. You can't both stand your ground forever; something has to give. Possibly the relationship, if the issue is such a deal breaker that neither of you will budge.

    But it's difficult to answer such questions in the hypothetical - whether I think you ought to compromise or ought to stand your ground will depend on the issue at stake. Is there a specific disagreement you have in mind?

    Serious answer though. This ^^^
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    agree to disagree sometimes i guess? i've been in a similar situation and i have to admit in some cases i did just give in and let him think he was right to save the arguing - that's if it was just an argument over something silly. if it was a big issue, i would stick to my point and agree to disagree if we weren't getting anywhere and it wasn't something that particularly needed resolving.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Never give in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would also add that conflicts are seldom a case about right or wrong, IMO that's an infantile way to look at it.

    Each party to me should state their case, and see if they are in the wrong or not, and come to some accommodation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kira wrote: »
    I would also add that conflicts are seldom a case about right or wrong, IMO that's an infantile way to look at it.

    Each party to me should state their case, and see if they are in the wrong or not, and come to some accommodation.

    :lol: There is no right or wrong, and it's infantile to think so, so you should say what you think and see if you're wrong? And then go to someone's house?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kira wrote: »
    I would also add that conflicts are seldom a case about right or wrong, IMO that's an infantile way to look at it.

    Each party to me should state their case, and see if they are in the wrong or not, and come to some accommodation.
    You just contradicted yourself within two sentences.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    woooooooah meet kira, kira meet woooooooah.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    woooooooah meet kira, kira meet woooooooah.
    :lol:

    Love it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there wooooooooah (*counts how many o's in your name!)

    I guess Jamelia and Kat_B both make good points in saying it depends on what it is you are arguing about. There's probably different types of argument that require different solutions.

    For example, if you are having a heated debate about a political or ethical issue then perhaps agreeing to disagree is the way forward. Relationships can still work even if there are different opinions within them - and these kind of discussions can help you both gain a richer perspective. Unless you feel so strongly about the issue that it's a deal breaker within the relationship - in which case, the relationship is going to have to give.

    If you are arguing about something which more directly affects the relationship but is still a matter of opinion - for example 'I think that looking through someones texts is wrong', 'no, I think that it is not wrong and you are overreacting' then it might be worth recognising that, whether you agree with the person or not, their interpretation of the situation has led them to being upset or angry. There isn't really a right or wrong answer to the specific question as to whether looking through texts is wrong (for example) as people's opinions on the matter will have been formed by their experiences, friends and assumptions. So perhaps you can agree to disagree but also agree to understand the others opinion and work out how to compromise so these differing opinions. Article on dealing with arguments might help here.

    Then there's the arguments that are pretending to be about facts in the world but are actually about how you are feeling - i.e. I'm feeling really upset at you and I'm not sure why so I am going to look for things in your behaviour to try and blame. These ones are the ones where you need to try and recognise that the argument itself won't be resolved but take a step back and try and work out what the root cause of the upset is.

    Am sure there's lots more sorts of arguments out there - but it can certainly be worth trying to understand where the argument is coming from sometimes.

    Hope that helps a bit!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: There is no right or wrong, and it's infantile to think so, so you should say what you think and see if you're wrong? And then go to someone's house?

    that's not what accommodation means, at least not in this sense.
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