Home Sex & Relationships
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Limited spaces available! Sign up here

Girlfriend started smoking

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi

I'm 19 and have been going out with my 18 year old girlfriend for 2 years.

I've always suspected she would be quite a likely person to take up smoking as her parents both do and a lot of her friends do but until now it hasn't really been an issue.

She has always said she was just a 'social smoker' and sure enough up u till recently she has just smoked the odd one when we go out with friends. Now she has started smoking at work with colleagues and I found an empty packet of cigarettes in her room the other day.

I told her how I felt about her smoking and the fact she had been lying to me about it and that I didn't like the smell on her and i was worried about her health but she said she thought it was fun and that I Shouldnt be such a 'good boy' which put me in a fowl mood.

I want to be ok with her smoking but find it really difficult even though it hasn't escalated to the point where I suppose you could class her as a regular smoker. I'm trying my best not to nag her because I don't want her to think I'm boring, also because I know she has one of those personalities when if you tell her not to do something she will want to more!

Any personal experiences welcome! Does it get easier as a non smoker to watch your bf/gf smoke?

Thanks

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is really no arguing about this with a smoker who enjoys smoking. there will be no consensus. So you either deal with it, or you leave her if you can't handle it. Blackmailing her with no kissing or subtle digs like, "omg you stink like a forest fire." will achieve nothing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your gf started smoking, unlucky, it's terrible, whatever you do, dont join her!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    people usually begin smoking when they are experiencing increased stress in their life however dispite what people say smoking increases your stress. Maybe you should touch basis with her and talk about more in detail and express your concern towards her smoking i mean smoking does danger her health and is natural for you to feelings concerned
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tread carefully here, Ta10. There has to be some give and take in a relationship, and someday you may want to do something she's not a big fan of.

    She's not smoking around you, which indicates to me she knows you don't like it and is sparing you the experience, OR that she thinks you'll fly off the handle, isn't willing to stop smoking, and so is sneaking around behind your back. Either way, it's not your place to tell her what to do, so maybe if you tell her gently how you feel and work out a way to compromise (maybe she doesn't smoke around you and chews some gum if she's been smoking at work) you can get past it without too much conflict.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tread carefully here, Ta10. There has to be some give and take in a relationship, and someday you may want to do something she's not a big fan of.

    She's not smoking around you, which indicates to me she knows you don't like it and is sparing you the experience, OR that she thinks you'll fly off the handle, isn't willing to stop smoking, and so is sneaking around behind your back. Either way, it's not your place to tell her what to do, so maybe if you tell her gently how you feel and work out a way to compromise (maybe she doesn't smoke around you and chews some gum if she's been smoking at work) you can get past it without too much conflict.
    All of this.

    You're not going to stop her, so you need to either accept it and compromise, or move on if you can't deal with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ta10 wrote: »
    I've always suspected she would be quite a likely person to take up smoking as her parents both do and a lot of her friends do but until now it hasn't really been an issue.

    She has always said she was just a 'social smoker' Thanks

    So she has always smoked then.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Smoking is your girlfriend's choice, not yours.

    No offence, but she's an adult and a free person. You don't really have a right to have an issue imo.

    I can see the problem with the lying, but then that is an issue with lying, not smoking.

    Maybe the problem isn't about her smoking, but about you not accepting she's made a choice which differs to your own beliefs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You cannot control her, she is her own person and an adult.

    But you could mention that her smoking affects you. It shouldn't in itself be a relationship ender/deal-breaker though.
Sign In or Register to comment.