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Too much too young?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just logged into Facebook to find that two of my friends have gotten engaged in the past few hours. This brings me up to 3 friends engaged in the past month alone. So far this year I've had 2 friends get married and one more is getting married next month. 2 have had kids in the last 18 months, 1 had a miscarriage 3 months in and another is due at Christmas.

I know it's different for everybody, people have different 'right' times but it feels really weird. I know I'm not the only person not settling down and whatnot but I've got a couple of other friends who are going that way as well (2 buying a house together, 2 are changing their names to have the same surname as a pre-civil ceremony thing.) I'm only 20 and and we're all about the same age, give or take a year or two.

I guess it feels even weirder because I'm doing the opposite really. Leaving my boyfriend and spending a year abroad, with no guarantee that I'll come back feeling the same about him.

I wish them all the best of luck and I hope it brings them happiness. I just wonder if anybody else has experienced feeling a bit weird and bit of an outsider because a lot of people around you seem to be settling down around the same time?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    I guess it feels even weirder because I'm doing the opposite really. Leaving my boyfriend and spending a year abroad, with no guarantee that I'll come back feeling the same about him.

    It is never too late to find somebody and settle down. Tbh, I even think it is easier to find someone later on, because you know what you want in live, have many ticks on your "what to do in life"-list already, which a early partner might inhibit.

    However, many things become impossible or difficult, once you are married with kids. Like going abroad for a year and gathering fantastic experience.

    You are probably around 20. And you will be married with family for the rest of your life, let's say till 80 (if everything runs smooth). And once you are in, it is kinda stupid to change your mind and make it all undone.

    Live your life as long and free as you want to. Serious stuff happens way to early anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my old best friend who was a heavy goth and swore that she never ever wanted kids now has three of them! not in a horrible way, but i do feel like some girls are programmed to want to settle down as soon as. it could be the way they were brought up or if they were lucky and have fallen head over heels. the nesting gene or something. i have the 'hmm maybe one day' gene.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    only 3 of my friends are married, and only a handful are in serious relationships so i haven't felt like the weird one.

    'married with a kid when you should be having fun with meeeee....'
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As long as they're 16+, there isn't a right or wrong answer. I would however say that 20 is a bit young to get engaged these days. Maybe if it was the 1950s, but in the 2000s, most 20-year-olds should be out clubbing :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was discussing this with my best mate and she said that she feels like she's the odd one out because she isn't in a serious relationship or anything. I completely agree that there is no right or wrong time. It does worry me though that I have a friend who's 3 years older than me and is finalising her divorce at the mo.

    Then again, if you'd asked me this time last year I would've said I didn't want anything more than a very casual relationship until I came back from being abroad and that didn't work out. I don't know. There are things I want to do before I even consider the idea. About the closest I've gotten was modelling a wedding dress 2 years ago lol.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, I dont see why people would want to get married that young. I understand the whole "want a family etc" thing, but when your 20...your still barely old enough to understand how the world works/operates.

    I'm 27 now and got married last year, and I'm glad I waited. I had time to go to college, get a career, get my head straight, mature, and deal with lifes lessons that prepared me to take care of not only my spouse, but my daughter as well. Life will throw A LOT of crap at you at that age that if your not ready for it, you're going to get swallowed up.

    I couldnt even imagine being married at 20...I was an immature little brat. Sure, at the time I THOUGHT I knew everything. I THOUGHT I was mature, but I wasnt nearly as prepared for life as I am now. Theres no rush to be married IMO. People should learn to enjoy your youth and the energy they have, because once you get married....its all over.

    Once you get married and have a kid...there is no more "staying up till 3am on the weekends", or going out with your friends. Its no longer about what YOU want to do. Its about what you and your spouse want to do. Or what is best for the child. Your life no longer becomes soley yours to control once you get married and/or have kids. Its no longer "all about you", and sadly I think a lot of young adults dont realize this. They see the whole "marriage thing" as a lovey dovey image, and its not always all peaches and cream. You cant be married with children and think you'll be able to live the same life you currently are living. Unfortunately, thats why there are so many young divorces in the world.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just wonder if anybody else has experienced feeling a bit weird and bit of an outsider because a lot of people around you seem to be settling down around the same time?

    :yes:

    I'm 25 and got married last year, after leaving school I went straight to college and would go out clubbing at least once a week, I never took things too seriously and had a fab time! Then I met my now hubby when I was 17 and we got married last year when I was 24. In the seven years that we were together before getting married, I felt like you feel now. Although in a relationship I was quite immature for my age (and still am!). We were living together at my mums house for over 4 years when most of my friends had moved out and my best mate was trying for a child, but unfortunately for them did not conceive. We bought a place together when I was 22 but by then friends who weren't even in relationships when we met were married, and I felt like I was weird for not wanting to get married or have children. Finally we decided it felt right to get married but over a year later we do not plan to have children yet if at all and I see all these people who I was at school with who have a child or some have 2 or 3, and I feel like abit of an outsider. At the end of the day I don't think there is anything wrong with not settling down and having children at your age, you don't need to be in a relationship or have children to be happy! You might even find that some of your friends wish that things had worked out differently for them! I think some people just think they ought to do things as everybody else is.
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