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How to overcome intimacy fear?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

Well, this is quite hard to ask but I'm going to do it anyway!

Basically I've suffered a lot as a child even though I'm only 16 at the moment. And it's all made me fear intimacy with a boyfriend, friends, even family. How do I overcome my fears and be able to face intimacy? I don't want to go my whole life without a boyfriend or being able to hug friends and family. I already am involved with several mental health teams, but I don't talk about my feelings, purely because I get scared about what happens. I've had bad experiences with talking about my feelings too.

Obviously I understand that I haven't said much about what I've been through, so you might not be able to give full answers. But at least I tried :)

- Keri :thumb:


  • Starry nightStarry night Incredible Poster Posts: 674
    Well done for trying at least! Very brave thing to do, especially considering that you wrote of your bad expieriences when expressing about your feelings.
    I think the best thing to do is take little steps, just like this one. Letting others know how you feel will let them know and stop them from feeling a little under-appreciated, you could say this yourself or get someone like a counsellor or a friend to say.
    It will be scary but the rewards will be great i know. Perhaps you could start having more contact with people that you go to groups with for your mental illness, or you could join so you could use it as a place to practise.
    Also, i find it good when i am scared to weigh up everything. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? How can i benefit from it? How can others benefit from it? What do I need to get to conquering my fear?
    This will put you in a better perspective and could make it easier to reach what you want to achieve.
    Hope things get better
    XXXXXXXXX:wave: :heart: :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done, you've done brilliantly to get things out and onto the page :hyper: It can be really scary to open up about your feelings, as you can end up feeling vulnerable. However there are positive sides too - getting support, helping people to understand you and slowly getting less scared about doing it!

    Starry night is absolutely right, it is probably about taking small steps and setting yourself small goals. It might take some time until you feel completely comfortable with intimacy but if you recognise this, and try to be gentle and understanding with yourself, celebrate moments like this when you have achieved something but not be put off by setbacks then you're definitely heading in the right direction.

    If you're scared of expressing your feelings, and then you take that huge step and give it a go, and then you have a bad experience, it's no wonder that you just get more scared. Part of the next step might be trying again, perhaps in a different way. Is there someone on your mental health team you feel more comfortable with who you could arrange to chat to privately? Maybe if you explain that you want to be able to talk about your feelings more but it scares you, they might be able to help you work out a way of moving forwards?

    Another option might be to practice on here first? Maybe slowly getting used to talking about your feelings in a supportive forum such as this one might help you feel less scared about doing so face to face? If you do feel able to do that on here, even a bit, then we might be able to find some further places for you to get support and help as well. If it scares you at the moment, perhaps spend some time on the boards getting to know the community here and then, when you feel more comfortable, perhaps you could talk a bit more about your feelings. Obviously you need to work out what feels right to you - but we're here if you need us!

    Well done again for taking this step :thumb:
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