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Am I being selfish?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have moved into a new house in a new town with two of my best friends (so its me and three other boys). I have begun seeing one of my friends and am falling in love with him. The problem is the other two housemates are seeing less and less of us and I think its because of how close this guy and I are. Its a house of all boys and I dont want to be the girl coming in and ruining things. We dont act like a couple around other people (cuddling or hand holding or anything) so as it not make it awkward for others to be around us. I used to be 'one of the lads' and worry I have ruined the balance. One of the other housemates spoke to me earlier today about how hard it is for him and the other housemate now we are together. I feel like I should stop seeing this wonderful person to make things right. I am so sad but feel I ought to. Part of me thinks though, if they were my real friends wouldnt they want me to be happy with this person? They say they want me to be happy with him but in a way that suggests they would be happier we didnt see each other romantically anymore. I havent been so happy in all my life living here and being close to him is the icing on the cake. I am planning on breaking things off with him when he wakes up and know its going to hurt him dearly. I dont want to do it but maybe it is for the best. I only wish I didnt care for him as much as I do right now. Could any one give me some advice? I feel a little sad and worried but mostly like I just want to hug my favoruite person in all the world. Though it might be over, for the sake of the house dynamic. I want whats best for everyone.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi patience

    I can see how this could be a tricky situation, but the other housemates have no right to make you feel like you should break up with this guy. It sounds like you've been very considerate in how you behave together. It'll probably be even worse if you break up and are both hurting; it'll be uncomfortable for you both and that will feel even weirder to your other housemates.

    How long have you been seeing each other? Sometimes it's just difficult for people to accept change in close friendship groups, and it might take a little time. Why don't you organise something for you all to do together as a house? Cook a meal together, go to a theme park, go camping - bring you all together a bit more and remind them that you're still their friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, sometimes you need to do things for YOU- it is not to the detriment of the household as the boys can still have the same relationship with each other as they have always had, and everyone just needs to get used to you two being together- the other guys may be worried you might both move out together soon and leave them needing 2 more flatmates? or as BK said, it's a new situation and it just needs time to settle.
    There are some situations where you can try and please everyone, but this situation i think you are gonna be sacrificing your own happiness and i don't think thats the right thing to do- you have a right to be happy about your relationship :)
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