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Does anybody else get this? - Ugly

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I go through phases of feeling too ugly to go out.

At the moment, having lost some weight, I feel a bit better... But I am anxious about going to a friend's event on Friday because of how I look...

It's not that I feel depressed about my looks, I just don't see myself as attractive and sometimes wonder if I embarrass people by going places with them because I'm so ugly...

This has took a spiral down in the past year or so and I know many reasons why... As I have always been bullied because I'm not good looking and lived with somebody who always told me I was fat and ugly and unlovable.

Though I don't believe anybody should be forced to look a certain way, I don't know why I feel like this...

Has anyone got any advice?

ETA: I was asked out on a date recently and also I think another guy may like me... But if somebody compliments me, I think they are making fun of me or just being nice for the sake of it. I am starting to wonder if feeling so unattractive and unlovable is part of the reason I have been single for so long (as well as my sexuality which I have repressed due to homophobic work place).

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i get this a lot.

    it can become an endless cycle. my brother is severely agoraphobic and i think part of what he finds so frustrating is his lack of confidence and the problem by not being able to go out and fully participate he wasnt able to gain that much needed confidence.

    easier said than done but dont let it trap you. be harsh with yourself and make yourself go out. i had cbt which helped me identify negative thought patterns and the ways it could get me into a destructive patterns of behaviour. would this help you or have you had it before?

    also, make a note of the activity you are worried about, your feelings about it and then when you come back from the activity write again how you feel now. maybe you feel better once you've done it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I get this, you know i might start keeping a journal of it, but knowing me it might be self-perpetuating. I fond that my anxiety, claustrophobia, self image all seem to get worse at random intervals.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i get this alot. i avoid going out because of it. last night i ventured out for the first time in about two months and i spent the majority of the time upset or crying in the toilet coz i felt so ugly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste, although this might seem cliched, you really are a fantastic human being. You have morals, principles and you genuinely care for the state of the world around you. You're beautiful.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I get this all the time - I think its actually quite normal and most people aren't happy with how they look (or maybe its just me).

    But I know that people never see you the way you see yourself and you would be suprised that people do indeed think your beautiful
    xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I am obviously no hottie either. A couple of girls rejected me in the past purely because of my looks. But it does not get me down. I look into the mirror and think, "there is nothing wrong with me. The problem must be on their side."

    It doesn't matter how you look, just how you feel about yourself.

    Even if it is only a small consolation to you: I don't think you are ugly. You are at least average, which is all one can ask for imho.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote: »
    Namaste, although this might seem cliched, you really are a fantastic human being. You have morals, principles and you genuinely care for the state of the world around you. You're beautiful.

    +1
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    +2
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    LilzoLilzo Posts: 38 Boards Initiate
    Hi Namaste, :wave:

    It sounds as if over the past year or so your self-esteem has been knocked quite a bit.

    As they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder and ‘if you can’t love yourself no one else will love you’ – famous quote by the queen of chat shows Rikki Lake! Rikki had a point though, and accepting and loving yourself is the first step to feeling more confident and happy.

    This article on low-self esteem as well as this one on boasting self-esteem might be helpful.

    Take care,

    Lilzo
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